“Noah,” Josh called out in alarm. “Stop.”
He stopped in Josh’s doorway. Their receptionist’s worried glance reminded him that he looked like a mess. He’d slept in his clothes from the day before—the smell of Libby was still faintly in the weave of shirt, and he couldn’t bear to change. That was the last part he had of her and once it was gone, she would be lost to him forever. The thought brought him close to a breakdown, but he didn’t even care. Let them think the worst . . . they probably already did.
Josh grabbed his arm and pulled him back into the room, shutting the door behind them. He pushed Noah into a chair and then sat on the edge of his desk. “Noah, you have to go after her.”
His brother’s words broke down his last layer of control and his chest heaved as he struggled to keep it together. “She hates me.” He heaved out a shortened version of the story, then said, “I tried to tell her nothing happened between Tiffany and me, but she refused to believe me.” A sob rented from his chest. “I deserve it. After everything I’ve done, all the people I’ve hurt, I deserve every bit of it.” He looked up at Josh with tear-filled eyes. “She’s the one good thing in my life and I hurt her so badly. I don’t deserve her.”
Josh leaned toward him. “No, Noah. That’s not true. You deserve every bit of happiness and more.”
Noah gritted his teeth as tears spilled from his eyes. “If you knew everything I’ve done, you wouldn’t be saying that.”
“The women?” Josh shook his head. “They were all consenting adults who knew what they were getting into. You never lied or led them on, Noah. I know you well enough to know that.”
Noah released a harsh laugh. “No, not the women.”
Josh was silent for a moment. “Are you talking about Dad?”
Noah’s eyes swung up to meet his brother’s as his heartbeat ratcheted up enough for him to hear it.
“I know you and Dad didn’t get along. I know I was his favorite. It made me uncomfortable that he gave me more attention than you, but you had Mom.”
Guilt clawed at Noah’s chest and some feral part of him decided it was finally time Josh knew the truth. Noah needed his brother to hate him as much as he hated himself. “I killed Dad.”
Josh stared at him like he was trying to sell him property on Mars. “Dad died of a heart attack here in the office while you were at school over a hundred miles away. You did not kill Dad.”
He shook his head, nearly choking on the bitterness in his heart. “I may not have been here, but I killed him anyway.”
“What in the world are you talking ab—” Recognition filled his eyes. “Dad never called you.”
Now it was Noah’s turn to be confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Dad told me about his visit to you at school. He was really upset that you were buying drugs for your ADD and he thought you were dealing too. He told me he’d changed his mind about making you partner and he wanted to give the whole business to me.”
“You knew? You knew he told me I was no longer his son?”
“He told you that?” Josh reached forward and grabbed his shoulder. “No. He never told me that part. Only that he’d discovered the truth. Oh God, Noah. I had no idea . . . otherwise I would have told you what happened when he came to me.”
“What are you talking about?” Noah choked out, pulling away from Josh’s comfort.
“Mom had already laid into him by then. I think he hoped I’d take his side, but Mom and I both told him off for guilt-tripping you about taking medication for a documented medical condition. Would he deny insulin to a diabetic? Mom told Dad he’d forced you into it.” Josh’s voice broke. “And I made sure he knew I didn’t want this business without you. It was the McMillan Brothers or nothing at all. I think he realized then what he’d done. He said he was going to call you and apologize. The morning he died, he told me that he had. He said he’d called and told you he was sorry and he’d taken it all back.”
Noah shook his head. “I had a voice mail . . . I discovered it after I found out he died.” His voice cracked. “I heard his voice and I deleted it. I couldn’t bear to hear him berate me from the grave.”
Josh took a deep breath, tears in his eyes. “Noah, he swore to me he apologized. He must have done it in the voice mail.”
Pressure built in Noah’s chest.
“If anyone is responsible for his death, it’s him. He didn’t exercise or take care of himself. Maybe when he realized how much he’d hurt you, his grief pushed him over the edge.”
Noah leaned forward, covering his face with his hands. Could that be true?
Josh put his hand on Noah’s back. “He said he was going to call you and apologize, and that was a full day before his death. I guess I got so caught up in my own shock and grief that I never thought to ask you if he had. Plus you never mentioned it, so I . . . I guess I thought it was resolved. And I didn’t want him to hurt you any more than he already had.”
It was all too much. Libby. His father. He jumped to his feet, intending to run far, far away—where didn’t matter—but Josh stood and pulled him into a hug.
“I’m so sorry, Noah. I see things a lot more clearly now and I’m sorry I’ve been such a prick. You really came through with this Abrahams account, even after I treated you like shit. For what it’s worth, your job would have been waiting for you whether you brought in the account or not.”