Lauren had become a master entertainer. And she’d be more than happy to give it up. She looked forward to things that Brad would mock. Maybe a book club that met one evening a month, sometimes at her less auspicious home. Or hosting a baby shower for a young co-worker, somewhere a little less intimidating than the Delaney manse. She just wanted to be calm and comfortable; she wanted a grandbaby to take care of sometimes. Would her daughters invite her into the delivery room?
That was years away, she thought. But then when the party was ending, when all the toasts had been made to Cassie, when the brandy and cigars had been indulged by Brad and a few of his cronies, Cassie asked to speak to her alone. She was holding her boyfriend Jeremy’s hand. Oh no! Lauren thought. What’s this?
“Mom, I have some wonderful news,” Cassidy said. “Jeremy has decided to come to Boston.”
“Huh?” she said oh so eloquently.
Cassie laughed. “He’s decided to transfer to Boston University for his master’s program.”
“What? But haven’t you started already? At Berkeley?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said. “I won’t get in until after the first of the year but that’s good. I’ll work and get a leg up on my research. We’ll settle in before we’re both deep in our programs.”
“Settle...in...?” she echoed.
Cassie laughed. “We’re going to live together. I can’t tell you how happy this makes me.” She grabbed Jeremy’s hand. “I honestly didn’t know how I was going to stand the distance—each of us on a different coast.”
“Are you...? No, you’re not getting married.”
“Not yet, no,” Cassie said. “The subject has come up and we’re talking about marriage. But we agree that law school and his master’s is the first thing to consider. But at least we’ll be together.”
Lauren suddenly choked on a sob and covered her mouth. She loved Jeremy. He was a sensitive, wonderful young man. He was researching autism and he was by far the most decent and committed boy either of her girls had brought home. Cassie had been seeing him for over a year and Lauren knew they were serious.
“Mom...” Cassie said.
But Jeremy pulled her into a hug. “We’ll be okay,” he said. “We’re not rushing. As it turns out, Boston will be better for my research in some areas. And you’d think I was stupid if I let Cassie get away.”
“I would,” she said. “But, oh God, it’s another one of those big transitions.”
Cassie laughed at her. “But you’re happy for us, right?”
“Does this mean you don’t need me to help you get settled?”
“Oh Mama, I really want to do this with you! You’re so good at this sort of thing.”
She wiped her cheeks. “True,” she said. “I am the best.” This was silly. She knew they were intimate. They were hardly children. She’d married at twenty-three. She laughed a little nervously.
Cassie asked Jeremy to go get them a couple of glasses of wine. When he was out of earshot, Cassie said, “Will you tell Daddy?”
Lauren frowned. “Shouldn’t you?” she asked.
Cassie shook her head. “I shouldn’t. He never likes my choices. Lacey could announce she’s moving in with Charles Manson and Daddy would applaud her good taste, but I never please him. And he doesn’t like Jeremy.”
“Oh, I’m sure he likes Jeremy. They just don’t have that much in common,” Lauren said. And then she asked herself why she lied for him? Brad didn’t like Jeremy because Jeremy was a sensitive intellectual who would never be rich. Jeremy was gentle and kind. Brad was not drawn to people like that.
“Will you please?” Cassie asked.
Lauren smiled at her youngest. She admired the choices Cassie was making. She admired that she’d chosen a good man who made her happy, a man who wanted her to be happy. “Is Jeremy coming with us to Boston to look at housing options?”
“No. He said that’s entirely up to me. And he insists he’ll get a job and pay half the rent.”
That made her smile again. “Will he be coming right away?”
“A few weeks after me,” she said. “He has stuff to wrap up and an apartment to clean out.”
“Then maybe I’ll wait a little while to tell your dad your plans.”
“I know it’s not going to be smooth with him,” she said. “That’s why I asked you...”
“And what makes you think I have any influence?” Lauren said. “He argues with me constantly!”
“But somehow you always get through it!”
“No, somehow I always survive it,” she said. “I figured out how to live with him.”
Damn, it was true! She managed her husband. He didn’t love her, she didn’t love him and they’d done this dance for years! She had no idea what Brad’s stake was in the relationship—was it all to have a good housekeeper and hostess? Because they weren’t lovers. They weren’t confidants. They weren’t friends.
“You know, Cassidy, no matter what your father’s opinion is, who you live with or marry is up to you,” Lauren said.
“But he can make things pretty difficult when his opinion doesn’t match mine,” Cassie said.
“I know,” Lauren said, giving Cassie’s light brown hair a fond stroke. “I’m not looking forward to you moving so far away but I am looking forward to our time together.”
“Me, too,” Cassie said.
And I hope you choose more wisely than I did, she wanted to add.
But was every day a tragedy? Of course not. They’d had some good times together without being lovers, friends or confidants. They went to Italy last year and met some lovely couples they still kept in touch with. They went to St. Tropez every winter, sometimes taking the girls, and ran into the same people there, socializing like normal couples. Daily life was tolerable because they really didn’t see too much of each other unless the girls were around. Brad was very social and when he made plans, she went along and was very agreeable.
Then once or twice a week it went south and crushed her spirit. He’d remind her she came from nothing. He’d tell her she was delusional or that she fabricated stories to make herself look like a victim of his cruelty. He’d shout at her, demean her.
Pinch her.
Those pinches were possibly the most demeaning thing he did. Weighing everything about their relationship, she wanted to leave him just because of that. He’d zap out a hand and find a tender piece of flesh, her forearm or the back of her upper arm, grab with his long, strong fingers and twist. Sometimes she’d bruise.
The worst part was feeling she had to build a case. She suspected men could leave because they’d lost that loving feeling, but women? Women had to be abused, assaulted, held prisoner or otherwise severely victimized before it was all right for them to walk.
Lauren turned her thoughts back to Cassie. “Be patient, all right? If I sense a good time, I’ll tell him, but there’s no hurry. I can promise you he won’t be in Boston for moving day.”
* * *
Beau met Pamela in the waiting room of the marriage counselor’s office. She stood and gave him an affectionate little hug. He pulled away before she could embrace him, hold on to him.
“Well, I guess I got the message,” she said.
He just smiled at her. She was beautiful and looked sophisticated in her work suit. Only Pamela could make a work suit look so sexy. It didn’t exactly cross the line but it rushed right up to it—conservative jacket, low-cut silky blouse, straight skirt, slit up the thigh, heels that were at least three inches. The color was right for her and right for spring—pale coral. It set off her blond hair and blue eyes. The blond was not authentic and she wore colored contacts. That had never mattered to Beau. Women wanted to be pretty. He understood that. He didn’t even mind that she liked being sexy and pretty for men. Depending on your self-confidence, that could make a husband feel a little puffed up and proud.
Sometimes Pam took it over the edge.
She barely resembled the young jeans-clad single mother, struggling with two rambunctious little boys, living in a one-bedroom apartment and keeping an old car running on meager support from their fathers and food stamps. Sometimes he missed that girl. She was holding it together somehow.
“We’ve talked about this, Pam,” he said. “I will be happy to explain my feelings to the therapist. He seems like a nice enough guy.”
She sniffed in a breath through her nose and stiffened. “I’m hoping he can help put us back together. Aren’t you?”
Beau didn’t answer. He gave a small, melancholy smile and stuck his hands in his pockets. Then he looked at his watch. “You have to be somewhere?” she asked tartly.
“I have appointments this afternoon, but I have some time now,” Beau said.
“Why are you so distant?” she asked. “We had such a successful weekend, Drew’s party, the whole family together for once... I really felt we were making great progress!”
“It was a nice weekend, wasn’t it? Drew really appreciated it. He’s also glad it’s over so he can get on with his life. He’s ready for the next chapter.”
“I can feel you pulling away...”
Only Pamela. How many times did she have to call a time-out before it was truly over? She moved into a sublet flat in the city, took a ten-day vacation to Maui, did a little traveling for work, plastered pictures of her fun times all over her Facebook page, but now she was done and wanted a smooth return to her base. There seemed to be one man’s face in many of the photos, including what looked like a partial profile of him in Maui. He must have left.
“Maybe you’re right,” he said. And then thankfully the door opened.
“Come on in folks,” George said. “I hope everyone had a good week.”
“A very good week,” Beau said.