I try to peer around Jax and see what Zay is doing, but my body is useless. Giving up, I turn my head toward Jax’s chest and close my eyes.
He feels so warm…
And smells like snow…
Snow I could drift away with…
Drift away back to that peace I felt for a split second as I sank…
“Raven, look at me.” Jax’s demanding tone yanks me out of my daze.
My eyes roll in my head as I try to do what he said.
Dizzy. Everything is spinning. But I’m starting to not feel cold anymore.
“Dammit, open your eyes,” he orders with a trace of anger in his tone. “Or I’m going to pry them open.”
I force my eyelids open, but only to glare at him.
“Don’t look at me like that. You keep your damn eyes open or I’ll do it for you. And it’ll be a lot more painful if I do it.” His expression is hard, his eyes as cold as that damn water.
I want to keep on glaring at him, but it’s becoming extremely complicated the more numbed over my body gets.
My eyes roll into the back of my head again as my eyelids force their way closed.
“Dammit,” he curses, quickening his pace. I’m not sure it’s going to do any good. I’m fairly sure I’m dying. And while part of me is scared shitless over the idea, another part of me, a part I wasn’t even aware existed, welcomes it.
I deserve to die for what I did to them.
I continue fading in and out of consciousness until Jax sets me down. That startles me enough that I force my eyelids open to see where I am. I half-expect to be lying in the snow somewhere with them beside me, digging my grave. But I’m not. No, I’m lying on the back seat of the SUV, soaking wet and shivering. I can’t see any of The Raven Three, so maybe they decided to set me in here while they dig my grave …
“Are there any blankets in the back?” Jax’s voice floats from somewhere.
“Yeah, I keep a couple in there for …” Hunter trails off. “Well, I guess that doesn’t matter right now.”
Jax sighs. “Just go get them.”
A beat of silence skips by, and my eyelids close.
“So, we’re gonna just what? Wrap her in blankets?” Zay snaps harshly. “That’s your brilliant fucking idea.”
“No, we’re going to take her clothes off first,” Jax replies over the sound of banging. “You and Hunter can do that, while we drive back to the house. Then we’ll figure things out from there.”
WTF? They’re going to take my clothes off?
“And what if this doesn’t work?” Zay snaps. “What if she—”
“She’s not,” Jax insists, though a drop of worry resides in his tone. “God, this is a disaster. I should’ve just gone with my gut instinct and not let you follow through with your stupid plan. We don’t need to be dealing with this shit right now. Not with everything else going on. We should be focusing on bigger, more important things.”
“Yeah, well … I didn’t think she’d jump,” Zay bites back. Then he lowers his voice to a whisper. “Why do you think she did?”
“I have no idea,” Jax mutters. “But I guess, now that this is happened, we might have to find out.” He sounds less than pleased about that.
Again, it grows quiet, and panic manages to rise inside me, lacing with the cold.
They said they’re going to take my clothes off? Are they going to rape me before they kill me?
No, no, no!
I try to flip over so I can crawl off the seat and out of the car. The door above my head is open, so all I need to do is get that far. Then I can tumble into the snow and … Well, I don’t really know where I’ll go from there. All I know is I’ve got to get out of here.
By some miracle, I get my body turned over. But as I’m dragging myself toward the edge of the seat, Zay steps up in front of the open door.
His hoodie is off, so I finally get a good look at him. His short, brown hair is covered in snowflakes, his eyes are somehow darker, and that scar I noticed earlier is way more prominent in the daylight.
As he stares at me silently with a hesitant expression, I start to slide back on the seat to try to climb out the other side. The movement seems to draw him out of his hesitancy and he moves, climbing into the back seat with me. Then he shuts the door and peels off his wet shirt.
I attempt to move, panic soaring through me. Holy hell, being frozen makes it really freakin’ complicated to move, so I barely get anywhere before Zay grabs the sleeve of my plaid shirt.
“Easy,” he says as he sits me up and pulls me toward him, even while I try to kick and hit him. My efforts are pathetic, and before I know it, I’m sitting right beside him. Or, well, leaning against him since I can’t hold my body up very well.
He pauses, staring at me undecidedly. “You’re gonna have to chill while I do this. Don’t fight or it’s going to complicate things.”
Is he kidding me?
“N-no,” I chatter.
He rolls his eyes then start tugging off my plaid shirt. I lift my hand and push against his chest, but he merely removes my hand and yanks the soaked fabric off me, tossing it into the back. Then he reaches for the hem of my shirt.
As a glimmer of strength blazes through me, I grip his hands. “S-stop,” I chatter, my body shaking, either from the cold or the fear.
He rolls his eyes again. “Stop being a pain in the ass. I’m trying to help you.” Then he tugs my shirt over my head and throws it back with my other shirt.
I hug my arms around myself, every muscle in my body quivering.
Oh my God, this is really going to happen …
Zay shifts his weight forward, reaching toward my feet, but then he pauses, his gaze locking on my side.
I know what he’s looking at, and I hate it. Hate that he can see all the ugliness all over me. Hate that he can see me at all.
Blinking then shaking his head, he leans down and tugs off my boots. I move to kick him, but he easily swats away my lethargic attempts. Dizziness overtakes me again, and I slump back against the seat, my eyelids lowering as I veer toward passing out.
Zay works on peeling my tights off, and I try to kick him again, but my legs won’t budge and he gets those off. Next, he moves toward my shorts. That’s when I really begin to freak the hell out and that will I thought was lost ignites.
“Stop … Stop … Stop …” I tip to the side, digging my fingernails into the edge of the seat, pulling myself away from him and toward the door.
“Goddammit,” Zay growls out. “Will you just hold still?”
I shake my head as I grab the door handle, but the door swings open on its own. Hunter appears on the other side with an armful of blankets, snowflakes falling around him. When he catches sight of me, he frowns, his gaze straying to Zay.
“Why don’t you have her clothes off already?” he asks him. “You need to move more quickly, Zay. I mean, I know you have issues with this shit, but get over it.”
“I’m trying to take off her clothes.” Zay grabs ahold of my ankle. “She’s not being very cooperative.”
Hunter’s gaze returns to me. “Little raven, you gotta relax and let us help you.”
“Just hold her down,” Zay tells him, “while I take off her shorts.”
“No,” I plead with Hunter.
He ignores me, setting the blankets down on the floor. Then he hops into the car and rolls me over, holding my arms. “Just relax.” He stares down at me while skimming his thumb along the inside of my wrist.
I can barely feel the movement. Can barely feel Zay tugging my shorts down my legs. Can barely feel anything.
Numb.
I am numb.
This isn’t happening.
I’m not going to feel it.
Somehow, through the sea of numbness consuming my body, tears force their way into the corners of my eyes.
Hunter’s eyes soften, and then he lets go of one of my wrists to brush away a tear with the pad of his thumb. “Aw, don’t cry. We’re not going to let anything happened to you. You’re one of us now.”
His words barely register as he looks at Zay. “Are you sure you can handle this? It might be better if I do it.”
“I … I can handle it.”
“You don’t sound so sure.”
“Oh, shut the hell up … I’m fine.” He doesn’t sound fine, though. He sounds like he’s freaking out. “And besides, I need to warm up, too.” He sucks in an uneven breath. “Just give her to me. I can handle this.”
“If you say so.” Hunter sounds doubtful as he helps me sit up until I’m facing Zay. He’s only wearing a pair of boxers now, and all I have on is my bra and underwear. But even the little scraps of clothing I have left give me no sense of security. Even worse, Jax has climbed into the driver’s seat.
He cranks up the heat, flips on the windshield wipers, then casts a glance back at us. “Is everyone good?”
“Yep,” Hunter answers, reaching down to pick up the blankets.
Jax drives forward then turns the vehicle around while Zay pulls me onto his lap. I try to fight, but I’m pretty sure my body has shut down.
Moments later, my chest is pressed against his, and his body heat seeps into my skin.
Warmth.
I thought I’d never feel it again.
Never thought I’d be this close to anyone ever again.
I’ve been so cold for the last handful of years.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been touched, I realize this now, and I stupidly sink into it instead of pushing away.
Weak. I’m so weak right now.
“Wrap the blankets around us,” Zay mutters, slipping his arms around me and tucking my head beneath his chin, a move that confuses the hell out of me.
“Fuck, she’s so cold.” His muscles stiffen as he pulls me closer against him until my ear is resting against his chest right where his heart is beating. Soaring. So, so fast. He’s either got a lot of adrenaline rushing through him or he’s freaking the hell out.