A metal gate bars entry to the covered dock. Another keypad. But when I pull the handle, the latch buzzes an electronic sound and opens. I look back at the house. Are they controlling it remotely?
Overhead bulbs light the way as I walk down the center between the boat slips. I pass a ski boat, fishing boat, pontoon, several jet skis—all buttoned up with heavy tarp. Even if I could unsnap the covers and find a key, where the hell would I go on a lake in the middle of January? It’s off-season, and this part of the state is a ghost town.
I continue to the end of the dock, where it opens to the cove. Benches bolt to the uncovered section of the dock, facing the water. I lower onto one of the seats and wrap my arms around myself, shuddering against the cold.
The lake is so still it looks like black tar, enrobed by the shadows of skeletal trees. I bet the landscape is stunning in the warmer months.
I glance over my shoulder at the stone-veneered lakefront estate. It has panoramic views from every room, lavishly set on acres of raw wilderness. The natural rock and wrought-iron terrace is beautifully landscaped with archway columns and discreet lighting. A private dock, six boat slips, no neighbors—it’s a recluse’s paradise.
If this is Trace’s property, why didn’t I know about it? Maybe it belongs to a friend? Maybe I should just head back inside and ask them. Cole said I was free to go after he talked to me and delivered my punishment.
My skin heats at the thought of him spanking me. I close my eyes, hating the way he still affects me. They both have so much power over my reactions. Too much. Even after the lies and the betrayal and the cheating, I want them.
This is why I can’t be near them. I don’t trust myself.
I don’t trust my heart.
Leaving them went against my deepest instincts, and it hurts. It terrifies me. They make my pulse race and my head spin and stir things in me I’ll never experience with another person.
My life began and ended with them. I might be able to physically move on, but I’m not kidding myself. I will never get over them.
While I had to stop the toxic cycle we were in, I never stopped loving them. The rare and beautiful thing I had with each of them was strangled by lies, gutted by broken promises, and infected with poisonous distrust.
I’m just as much to blame for its corruption. I hurt them with my indecisiveness. I held their hearts in my hands and forced them to bend painfully, unnaturally, to gain pieces of mine.
My weak, naive selfishness didn’t solve a damn thing. I broke us, kiss by jealous kiss, breath by greedy breath.
What do I do now? Should I listen to what they have to say at the risk of being pulled into their lies? Or should I stay clear of them and get the hell back to St. Louis?
The sky darkens to a sooty black, and the cold air seeps in. I tug the sleeves of my sweater over my hands, stalling, waiting. It won’t be long before they show up.
Just as I thought, less than a minute passes before footsteps sound on the dock. Except I only hear one set of treads. Probably Trace, since he’s the one with the gun.
I don’t turn to look as my visitor stops behind me and drapes a fleece blanket around my shoulders.
“Thank you.” I burrow into the warmth, savoring the masculine scent that infuses the heavy material.
Strong, powerful legs fill my view—thick muscle beneath frayed jeans and heavy boots.
Cole.
He lowers onto the bench beside me, and the wood creaks under the weight.
“Did you steal Trace’s gun?” I keep my eyes on the water, refusing to sink into the seductive pull of his.
“No.” He stretches out a leg and reclines back. “He knows this conversation is between you and me.”
I assume that means he’s here to make excuses about his affair. “Where are we? Southern Missouri?”
“Yeah. Stone County.” He flicks a finger at the lake. “That’s—”
“Table Rock Lake. I know the area. We used to vacation here when I was a kid.” I can’t ignore the heat of his body so close to mine, so I scoot a few inches away. “Who owns the house?”
“I do.”
“What?” My pulse kicks up. “How can you afford it?” Curiosity turns my head, and I plummet into his deep brown gaze. “Did your government job pay for it?”
“Not the government, but my skill set made me a wealthy man.”
“I don’t understand. You worked a minimum wage security job. I thought you needed money.”
“That’s an assumption you made.”
“You never corrected me.”
His jaw flexes. “There were side jobs over the years, as well as other means to collect assets.”
“What other means? Or is that another secret you can’t tell me?”
“No more secrets.” He bends forward, forearms on his spread knees, and stares at the lake, seemingly gathering his thoughts.
His breath releases in white clouds, his black leather jacket unzipped and hanging open. Isn’t he cold? I feel an aching need to share the blanket, but I don’t move. He cheated on me, and the pain that would come with touching him and smelling his familiar scent would be my undoing.
I miss him. Goddammit, I fucking love him, and it’s such a hopeless, miserable feeling. He’s right here, close enough to hold tight and breathe in, yet the only thing we’re capable of sharing is strained silence.
My lungs burn, surging all the bitterness from the past five weeks to the surface. “When did you sleep with her?”
He moves so fast my heart stops. In a heartbeat, he kneels before me with his hands braced on the bench on either side of my hips.
“You tell me.” His eyes are as bare and smoky as the sky. “Look at me and tell me when I fucked that woman.”
“I don’t know! I tried to get that answer at the penthouse.” My chin quivers. “I asked if it happened while we were together and you…you just glared at me.” I lean back. “Like you’re doing right now.”
“Because you know the goddamn answer!” He slams a fist on the bench beside me, his enraged voice echoing across the lake. “Look at me. Look hard, Danni, and listen to your heart. Do you honestly believe I would cheat on you?”
The hurt in his eyes is tactile, his face lined and heartbroken. His inconsolable expression suggests weeks of suffering, sleepless nights, and soul-deep disappointment. I feel every tired crease and dark circle like a punch in the heart. As hard as I search, I don’t find a trace of guilt or collusion. He just looks…wrecked.
A warm bud of hope blooms in my chest, followed instantly by the hard stab of shame. He stares at me like he’s the one who’s been betrayed. Like I’m the betrayer.
A flood of tears terrorizes my airway, and I gulp down the cry that tries to escape.
“In the five years I’ve known you—” I choke, devastated and nauseous. “You’ve been undeniably committed and loyal to me.”
“That’s right.” He reads my eyes, waiting for me to continue.
“Goddammit, Cole. Why didn’t you tell me?” My voice spikes with confusion and anger. “You could’ve explained it and told me—”
“I can’t.” He pushes off the bench and launches to his feet. “I can’t prove it, and you know what? Fuck you, Danni, because I shouldn’t have to.”
I choke at the force of his rage and hunch deeper into the blanket.
Pacing to the edge of the dock, he speaks quietly with his back to me. “You know me. You fucking know I’d rather cut myself open than so much as look at another woman.” He shoves his hands in the pockets of his jacket, gazing out at the dark lake. “It kills me that you so quickly believed the worst in me.”
“I didn’t want to believe it.” My spine snaps straight, bristling with defensiveness. “But the last few months left me feeling so damn naive I stopped trusting my instincts. When I saw the photos, the proof was right there in black and white, and you said nothing.”
“It was nothing!” he bellows and spins to face me. “It was another lifetime, another place, a mistake I made before I met you.” His expression falls, his voice broken. “I would never cheat on you. Not for the job. Not even to save my own life.”