“Anytime Lola,” I headed for the employee exit.
I stopped by the local bookstore and purchased The Art of Small Talk and a few romance books. Barry claimed that brushing up on romance novels would help me with my spontaneity and clue me in to what women expected on dates. He also suggested that I watch a few romantic comedies, but I refused.
I promised myself I would never watch another one of those brainless films ever again.
I exhaled and opened the door to Theo’s American Kitchen. I knew that one kooky date wasn’t enough to justify keeping my checklist, so when a cute customer asked me out to dinner, I obliged.
Her name was Rachel and she was a graduate student at the University of Arkansas. She was fair-skinned and blue eyed, and her long auburn hair fell right below her shoulders.
I walked over to her table and took a seat. “How are you this evening, Rachel? Did you order already?”
“I’m great,” she smiled. “No, I didn’t order yet…I wasn’t sure if you had any allergies or not.”
Excellent…
I looked over the menu. “All of this looks pretty amazing. What do you prefer?”
“Spicy calamari to start and grilled salmon for the main course?”
“Sounds great,” I signaled for the waiter.
After he took our order, Rachel leaned back. “So, how does it feel to work at Autumn Wonder? Don’t you hate it?”
“No, it’s actually quite interesting.”
“I hated being a barista,” she shook her head. “I used to work at Starbucks and the customers were so mean in the morning.”
And she hates Starbucks? Even better...
I laughed. “Well, that happens with any fast-paced business. I’ve found that there are usually more happy customers than angry ones though.”
“True,” she suddenly looked serious. “Doesn’t it make your blood boil when you realize that these big companies use the cheapest ingredients in their food and charge top dollar for it? Doesn’t it make you want to scream when you realize that the profit margin on a cup of coffee is four hundred percent?”
What? Where did she get that ridiculous number from?
“Um…”
“I’m starting a personal revolution against all fast-food and coffee chains,” she whispered. “They should be donating their money to third world countries and helping our nation’s poor instead of getting rich.”
I sighed. “I’m pretty sure Autumn Wonder donates six hundred million a year to social programs and invests—”
“That’s a lie!” she reached over the table and put her finger against my lips. “Don’t be fooled by their propaganda, Ethan!”
Oh god…
“Okay. I’ll take your word for it.”
“Good,” she moved her finger back. “I’m glad you came out with me tonight.”
“Me too…”
The waiter set our calamari on the table and I picked up my fork.
“Don’t you dare eat that!” Rachel swatted it out of my hand.
“What? Why not?”
“Brothers and sisters!” she stood on top of her chair. “Friends and family! Slaves to the almighty dollar! Join me in the fight against these trite food corporations! Put down your forks and fight with me right now! No more eating cheap food and paying top dollar for it! No more funding these corporate big wigs’ pockets! All of you stand with me! Stand with me right now!”
Silence.
Everyone in the restaurant stared at her. I heard a straw drop to the ground.
Rachel got down on her knees and knelt in a prayer position.
“Forgive them father,” she whispered. “They know not what they do.”
I give up…
Lola adjusted my name tag and swept a lint roller across the brim of my hat. She hummed the refrain of Frank Sinatra’s “The Coffee Song,” and looked me over a few times before deciding I looked like the perfect Autumn Wonder employee.
“And don’t forget to wear the most important part of our uniform, the smile!” she smiled widely and blinked, waiting for me to smile back.
Can I tell her that I’m the CEO right now? This is getting ridiculous…
“Look! It’s your very first customer!” she whispered and pointed to an elderly woman who was making her way into the store. “Good luck, Ethan! I believe in you!”
The elderly woman approached the counter and looked up at the menu board. “I just want a regular cup of coffee. None of that fancy stuff. How much is that?”
“Four dollars, ma’am.”
“Four dollars! For one cup? Are you crazy! I can buy a whole bag for that price!”
“Well ma’am, it’s—”
“Ma’am, you probably can buy a regular bag of coffee for four dollars,” Lola rushed around to the woman and handed her a cup, “but it won’t taste half as good as ours. Why don’t you try this out for free? Then come back tomorrow and let me know how it tasted.”
“Well, alright...Thank you, doll!”
No wonder we’re not making enough money!
As soon as the woman walked out, I sighed. “We give free coffee to anyone who complains about the price?”
“No, we—Shhh, there’s another customer.”
A man wearing an “I love Arkansas” shirt, clearly a tourist, walked over to the bakery glass and looked over the pies.