He quickly reached out for me. “Just let me kiss your mouth,” he whispered, his eyes pleading. I pulled my dress back into place and squinted my eyes in disbelief. I felt like the last three minutes were the most erotic moments of my life, yet somehow there was no kissing on the lips… I blame the pot.
I stood there transfixed while he sat in the chair, searching my face for something. I was breathing heavy when I turned and ran off to my room. I slid down the back of the door and began to cry. When I heard him walk down the hallway, I tried to stifle my sobs. He stopped at my door; I could hear him breathing on the other side and then he said in the most heartrending voice, “I’m sorry baby.”
“Me, too.”
It wasn’t his fault, he didn’t need to apologize, but I knew him well enough to know he didn’t want us to leave each other that way. I had never wanted anyone so badly, my body ached for him as I sat on my floor wondering how I could make things right. I couldn’t give myself to Will mere hours before he would be leaving, but it was wrong of me to lead him on. I didn’t know how to fix it, so I curled up into a little ball next to my bed and went to sleep, feeling utterly wretched.
I woke up from the early morning light accosting me through the window and found myself lying in my bed, under the covers, wearing the wrinkled and scrunched-up sundress around my waist. My bedroom door was open and it occurred to me that Will must have come into my room and put me in bed after my pathetic ass passed out. Staring at the ceiling, I wondered how the independent and shrewd Mia of one year ago could find herself drowning in the pitiful depths of a quarter-life crisis; it Just. Seemed. So. Dull. I was running away full board into a plain old ordinary existence—when I had angels singing, heart-thrashing love reaching out for me, why couldn’t I allow myself to let him in?
I heard the front door close and the familiar sound of Will skipping down the stairs. I knew I had to do something quickly. I flew with supersonic speed down the hallway to the kitchen window to yell “Stop” to Will before he left. When I reached the window, I swallowed hard at the sight of Sonja down on the street, leaning against a town car, waiting for Will. Her platinum hair and ruby-red lips could have been seen from space. I blinked away tears so that I could get a clearer view of Will walking toward the car. He bent down and gave Sonja a swift kiss on the cheek; she smiled and opened the door for him. In what parallel universe does my Will have a celebrity opening doors for him, I thought.
I felt bile rise, my bad choices from the night before were not helping my situation. Frank moved into view and I watched as he hopped into the front seat after holding the back door open for Sonja to get in. Will and Sonja sitting in the back of the town car, headed toward their private jet… how nice. I wondered if he had his hand on the little sprite’s leg as they drove off.
Track 16: Lies, Lies, Lies
Days went by without word from Will until finally I came home to the message light blinking.
Mia, I’m here. It’s warm, but feels colder… I miss you guys. Call me.
Will was rarely that curt, which left me with a sinking feeling. I couldn’t sit around the apartment anymore and debate whether I should call him, so I went back to Kell’s to help Jenny close. The café was empty and Jenny was mopping the floor when I walked in. “What are you doing back?” She looked at me, eyebrow raised.
“I was bored. I’ve been meaning to ask you, are you and Tyler going to keep trying for a baby?”
“Of course. Some things are just out of our control, you know? That wouldn’t stop us from trying to have a family.” She said it almost as if my question was offensive.
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“I know I was a mess that day, but I knew it wasn’t meant to be, otherwise it wouldn’t have happened.” Once again, Jenny was able to simplify something that seemed like a labyrinth of thoughts, feelings, and hard decisions in my mind.
“Will called here looking for you right after you left. Did he catch you at the apartment?”
“No, I must have just missed him. He left a message, though.”
She walked around to my side so she could see my face as I washed the dishes. “Did you call him back?” It was like she was asking a child.
“No.”
“Did something happen between you two?”
“What did he say?”
She sucked in a loud breath as her jaw dropped to the floor. In slow motion her mouth curled into the largest smug grin I had ever seen. “What did you guys do?” Her eyes were bugging out of her head.
“Nothing! I just wanted to know what he said when you talked to him.”
“I don’t believe you. Anyway I knew I sensed something from my conversation with him. He just asked how everything was going for me and Tyler, then he asked about Jackson, and then he got really quiet before saying he needed to talk to you.”
A shiver ran through my body as I swallowed hard.
“You need to call him. And you should tell me what happened so I can help you pull your head out of your ass.”
“Geeze, Jenny, take it easy on me. We had a moment, we didn’t even kiss… really.”
“What does that mean? I saw you guys kiss at midnight.”
“We didn’t kiss kiss, though. Later on when I was cutting his hair.” Her mouth fell open again. “I sat on his lap and things got a little crazy; I stopped it and stormed off to my room… and then I passed out and didn’t even get to say goodbye.”