“I walked in on him screwing her brains out in the shower.”
Jenny sucked in a breath and bit her lip as she looked over at me. Her expression was complete and utter pity, then it turned on a dime. Her face changed. I took a deep breath; I knew I was in for some tough love.
“You know what, Mia? You want to know something?” Her voice got strong and intimidating. “I swore I wouldn’t say anything, but I am through with the craziness between you and Will. He has not dated a single soul since he met you, he was holding out on some pathetic hope that you would break up with Robert to be with him. He had it bad for you, Mia. He wrote a goddamn song for you! But you decided to parade around with Banker Bob in your skivvies and rub it in his face.” She glanced over, eyebrows raised.
“I broke up with Robert ages ago!” I yelled before lowering my voice. “Will wrote a song for me?” I was sullen and shattered.
“You mean you broke up with Robert and didn’t tell anyone? Why, Mia? Why would you do that?”
“I don’t know, please stop yelling at me,” I whispered and focused my gaze out the window.
Jenny took a deep, long breath through her nose and lowered her voice to a more sympathetic tone. “Audrey met The Ivans at a show last year. I guess she was hounding Dustin to hook her up with Will for months. She seems nice.”
“Yes, she’s very nice. Perfect in fact.”
“He was torn, Mia. Will said you told him it was never going to happen between you two and that he should find someone else.”
“That’s not exactly what I said. It doesn’t matter, Will’s right, I don’t know what I want, but neither does he. He has record labels offering him deals and he’s just sitting on them. He wants to live on pennies and play music and screw around.” I knew there was no truth to what I was saying; my real fear was that I would fall in love with Will or that I already had and then he would just leave me alone, broken and pathetic.
“Is that what he told you?” she asked.
I knew what she was getting at, so I ignored her question. “Will wrote a song for me?” I whispered.
“Yes, he was going to play it that night in the café when you yelled out Ziggy Stardust.” As if I didn’t feel bad enough about that night. It didn’t matter; I’d blown any chance I had. Will was with Audrey, the beautiful sweetheart. I was just a bitter bitch, who would probably be alone forever, living in my father’s life with my sickly dog.
“Quit feeling sorry for yourself, Mia, I can see it on your face.”
“Let it go, Jenny, it’s done. I’ll be a good friend to Will and to you. That’s what I’ll concentrate on; I’ve been selfish and it’s not right.”
She gave my hand a squeeze and turned up the radio; we were silent the rest of the way home. When I got back to the apartment, there was a Will note on the counter:
HEY MIA,
HOPE YOU HAD FUN IN THE HAMPTONS. I’M STAYING AT DUSTIN’S TONIGHT; CALL ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.
MUAH, WILBUR
P.S. THE ASSCLOWNS ARE PLAYING TOMORROW NIGHT AT DROPZONE IN PARK SLOPE. YOU SHOULD CHECK THEM OUT.
It was no doubt one of Will’s secret shows. As much as I loved seeing him play, I knew Audrey would probably be there and the whole thing made me feel like crap about myself, but I’d told Jenny I would be a good friend so I guess I had to go.
Track 11: Benediction
The next night I rode the subway alone to Park Slope. I must have missed my stop or looked at the map wrong because I ended walking about two miles to the damn bar. Once I reached the street it was on, I saw the marquee from the corner. It read:
TONIGHT ONLY…
WILBUR GROWS A BEARD
I laughed. Will was getting really out of hand with the name thing. I thought with a name like that he was either paranoid or he wanted to prepare everyone for a really boring show. Inside the bar I noticed he was already onstage, mid song. Dustin from The Ivans was also onstage playing a singular snare drum. I spotted Audrey at the front of the crowd, standing next to a busty blonde. They were swaying to the music, dressed in short dresses with stiletto heels. I rolled my eyes and thought what am I doing here?
I took a seat at the bar and ordered a drink and then turned my stool to face the stage. When the song was over, Dustin jumped down and Will exchanged his acoustic guitar for the electric. He approached the microphone. “This next song… it’s a slow one.” And then he tore into a bluesy guitar riff. It was the familiar melody I remembered from one day at Sam’s when I heard it through the ceiling. It was the song I saw The Ivans play when Pete said he needed to write lyrics for it. When Will began to sing the words, I knew immediately it was my song…
With my eyes wide open
I see the secrets in the rain
I see the loss, see the pain
I see you’ve lost your way again
No lines drawn
No boundaries made
Dance with me tonight, pretty baby
and let me pray
Don’t let me hear you cry
Starve your dream
Feed your fear
I’ll hold you forever here
I need the rain to cleanse my soul
It tortures me, it’s makes me whole
I need the rain, I need it all
No lines drawn
No boundaries made
Just stay with me tonight, pretty baby
And let me pray
With his eyes closed and his head tilted up to the heavens, Will sang the song like it was a holy benediction. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I wiped them away frantically. When he finally opened his eyes, he was looking right at me. I think it startled him, his eyes opened wider and his head shot back slightly. He didn’t smile, he just mouthed “Hi” at me and I did the same back to him.