And he's not wrong. I know that with Duncan in her life, Aurora would have her every wish and whim granted. She would want for nothing if Duncan takes her away from me. I know that Duncan would take very, very good care of our little girl – or, at least, his nannies, tutors, and house staff would. I assume he's got house staff, anyway. Isn't that a rich person thing?
Losing her isn't something I think I can bear. Having her taken from me would rip a hole in my heart and soul that could never be filled. Even though she's only been a part of my world for a few weeks, she's a part of me. Aurora is already thoroughly intertwined with my heart and losing her would utterly shatter and destroy me.
“Am I being selfish, Bri?”
“What do you mean?”
I sigh, not wanting to admit the truth, but really feeling like I should. “Losing Aurora would rip my heart right out of my chest,” I tell her. “It would kill me.”
“I can understand that,” she says.
“But, am I being more concerned with my feelings than I am with giving her the best life possible?” I ask. “I mean, I know that in Duncan's care – in the care of his family – that she'd want for absolutely nothing. She would have an amazing life of privilege that I can never dream of giving her. The kind of life I only wish I could give her. So, is it selfish to worry about my own feelings in all of this?”
She sighs and twirls her hair around her finger. “Maybe a little,” she says slowly. “But you can't totally discount your feelings, hon. You're Aurora's mother –”
“And as her mother, I need to be more focused on giving her the best life possible, while not worrying about my own feelings.”
“That's not exactly true. Your feelings play a part in all this. They have to. Just because you're a mother now, that doesn't mean you cease to exist or that your own feelings aren't important anymore,” she says. “And believe it or not, there is a balance that can be struck between providing for your baby and caring for yourself too.”
“Yeah maybe. I don't know where that balance is though,” I admit as I gaze into Aurora's angelic face. “I can't even provide for myself right now.”
“You know, in an ideal world, you and Duncan will come together and raise Aurora as one family,” she tells me. “And you never know – if that connection is as strong as you say it is, you might be surprised what happens when you tell him.”
The laugh that erupts from my throat is bitter and cynical – born of hard-won experience in life. The sound of it seems to startle Aurora, who gives a small start and looks at me with wide, adorable eyes. She settles back down and closes her eyes after a minute though.
“This world is anything but ideal,” I sigh.
“True, but it still has the ability to surprise you every now and then.”
My best friend Sabrina, the eternal optimist. It's one of the many things I love about her, to be honest. She's the one who can always find the light in the dark, and the silver linings when I see nothing but doom and gloom. Yeah, in an ideal world, Duncan is going to want to be with me and raise our little girl together. As a family.
But this world is not ideal, and I rarely get what I want – which is one reason I'm so hesitant to tell him about Aurora until I've got a plan to fight him in court under my belt. I hope it's a card I never have to play – I hope he's the good man I believe him to be. But I want to be prepared for the possibility, just in case.
“There's another problem we're going to have to deal with, you know,” Sabrina adds.
“Of course, there is,” I sigh. “Because there always is.”
She nods. “Yeah, this one I'm thinking we're going to need to deal with even sooner.”
“And what is that?”
“Brad,” she says simply.
I let out a breath and feel my heart sink. Yeah, that is a problem that needs a solution pretty damn quick. He calls me about a hundred times a day – literally. I ignore his calls, his text messages, and am really on the verge of blocking his number from my phone completely. The only reason I haven’t is because I know that will only guarantee that he shows up here, banging on the door. And that's about the last thing I want or need right now.
“What has he done now?” I ask.
“He hasn't done anything. Not really,” she replies. “But I've seen him now, a couple of times, just kind of hanging around outside our building. He tries to hide and blend in with the crowd, but I know it's him. And honestly, it's just kind of creepy the way he just stands out there watching the building, Lex. It's really fucking creepy and I don't exactly feel safe.”
“Yeah, tell me about it,” I mutter.
And I don't feel safe, either. There's part of me that just expects him to burst into the apartment and either try to kill or kidnap me. The level of obsession he's shown since the night I gave birth is disturbing on so many levels. But, there's really nothing I can do.
“I'm not going to be able to get a restraining order,” I tell her. “As creepy as he's being, he hasn't technically done anything, which means they won't serve him with papers.”
“Great,” she grouses. “So, we're just going to have to put up with him lingering around outside from now on?”
“He'll eventually get bored and wander away, I hope,” I say. “Maybe, he'll find somebody else to fixate on.”
“Yeah, I wouldn't count on it,” she says, her laugh wry. “He wants to play house with you and nobody but you.”
“Yeah, still trying to figure out how I got so lucky,” I grumble.
“The boy is totally and completely under your spell,” she replies.
I snort. “Yeah, or something like that,” I say. “Don't you now regret forcing me to go out with him in the first place?”
“Don't remind me,” she says. “Not one of my better decisions.”
“Yeah, I'll say.”
She laughs, but it tapers off quickly. “Seriously, we need to do something about him.”
“Yeah, I know,” I say softly. “I'm going to have to talk to him. Tell him that he needs to stay away and to stop bothering us.”
“That could be dangerous, Lex. He could hurt you.”
I shrug. “At least it might give me grounds to file a restraining order.”
“Yeah, if he doesn't kill you.”
“He's not going to kill me,” I tell her. “Like you said, he wants to play house and raise a family together.”
“Just – be careful.”
I nod. “I will.”
The truth is, I have zero ideas about what to expect when I confront him. It could go smoothly, or it could wind up in a very bad way. It's more than obvious that Brad has some issues. He's not exactly the most stable guy around, which makes him unpredictable. Which scares me to death.
But I have no choice. I have to confront him and make him understand that he and I will never be a thing, we'll never raise a family together, and he'll be better off moving on with his life. I have to make him understand he needs to find somebody else to fulfill him the way he thinks I do.
It’s something else I've been putting off doing because, frankly, it scares the hell out of me. But there is no other option. Brad needs to go. Permanently.
It's been a crazy day at the hospital. I just got out of an emergency surgery on a car crash victim, but the internal damage was so extensive, I still don't know if she’s going to make it. I did everything I could to save her life, but only time will tell if it was enough.
It's not a great way to end a shift and I hate walking away from a patient with so much uncertainty, but there's really nothing more I can do. It's out of my hands. I step into the lounge and grab myself a cup of coffee. I just want to sit and decompress for a minute before doing my rounds to check on my other patients. It's the last thing I have to do before heading home, so I'd at least like to gather my wits and be present in the moment when I do it.
The lounge is deserted when I walk in, so I grab a cup of coffee and sit down on the couch, letting myself relax. The television is on, tuned to SportsCenter, so I take in the highlights of last night's games. Or at least zone out to them, anyway. I'm watching the TV without actually watching it – it's background noise as I take a minute to mellow.
“Doctor Clyburne.”
Snapped out of my near-trance, I look up and see Sabrina standing near the sofa.
“Sorry, I didn't hear you come in,” I say.
“Yeah, you looked a little tuned out.”
I laugh softly. “Needed a minute of downtime.”
She nods. “Yeah, we all do sometimes.”
“How are you doing?” I ask. “How are things with you and Dominic?”
Her smile stretches across her face and lights up the entire lounge. It's the look of a woman totally and completely in love. In some respects, I'm envious. There's a part of me that wants to be the reason for that look on a woman's face. But, that part of me also acknowledges that it couldn’t be just any woman – I want it to be Alexis with that look on her face. Which isn't happening.
“He's amazing,” she beams. “Utterly amazing.”
I smile. “Yeah, he's a good man,” I say, “Hell of a surgeon too.”
“I never thought I'd meet somebody so perfect for me,” she confides. “But we match up in so many ways. He really gets me.”
“It's nice to have somebody in your life that you really connect with like that.”
“It really is,” she agrees.
“How are Alexis and the baby doing?” I ask.
“They're both doing great, thanks to you,” she smiles. “She named the baby Aurora.”
“Aurora,” I say. “That's a beautiful name.”