She had to tell her friends who were supposed to be bridesmaids. Except Stephanie, who had also been a designated bridesmaid. That was irrelevant now, though Hannah did wonder if they were still seeing each other. Maybe Wyatt could marry her since he already had the tux ordered.
Hannah also had to cancel everything that had been reserved ahead of the wedding date—reception hall, caterer, photographer, flowers, band. The wedding was barely planned and yet there was all this detritus. The last time she’d broken up with a fiancé, they hadn’t gotten this far into the planning—all she’d had to do was give back the ring. Wyatt was not getting the ring back—she’d sell it to pay for a vacation for herself.
All that cleanup took a full week. She then called the Realtor in Colorado and booked the house near Sullivan’s Crossing for the first available two-week rental. She wanted a quiet, beautiful place to get her head together. It wouldn’t be available for several weeks, but that gave her something to look forward to. Spring in the Rockies.
And then, just as she was starting to feel like herself again, the world came to an end. Her college roommate and best friend, Erin Waters, was consoling her on the phone, telling her it wasn’t her fault, that no, she didn’t attract losers, that everything was going to work out for the best—and all the while she was coughing relentlessly.
“You are going to see a doctor about that, aren’t you?” Hannah asked.
“Absolutely,” Erin said. “I feel like shit. I’ve been trying to sleep it off. But I guess I need drugs. I can’t remember ever being this sick.”
“And is Noah all right?” Hannah asked, speaking of Erin’s five-year-old son.
“He’s fine. I’m giving him extra vitamin C just in case. I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon and he’ll be with Linda.” Linda was Noah’s regular babysitter, and Noah and Erin were very close to Linda and her family.
“Then you better stay home and rest.”
“You know I will. I’m no martyr.”
“Call me when you’re back from the doctor. Let me know how it went, what he said.”
“Sure,” she said. Then she coughed hard and they ended the call.
Erin didn’t call back. Instead, it was Linda who called a few days later. She explained that as soon as she examined Erin, the doctor called an emergency transport. She was taken to the hospital and admitted to the ICU with an advanced case of pneumonia, and in a very short period of time, she had passed away. Just slipped away. They resuscitated her twice and had her on life support for about twenty-four hours.
Devastated and in shock, Hannah headed for Madison at Linda’s first call, as did their other two best friends, Sharon and Kate. They all stayed with Noah at Erin’s house and made the funeral arrangements. They not only made all the arrangements, they paid for everything, as well. According to Erin’s wishes, she preferred to be cremated and have a celebration of life. You wouldn’t think a thirty-five-year-old woman would have articulated such desires, but she had a child, was estranged from her family, worked as a paralegal and had spelled out her wishes in a very precise will. The four women had been very close since college, kept in touch, saw each other regularly even though three of them lived in Minneapolis and Erin had moved to Madison after college.
It was a very complicated and unpleasant situation. Erin and her mother had always had a strained relationship and hadn’t spoken in years. The main cause seemed to be a half brother who had been a delinquent since he was quite young. Erin said he was abusive and her mother had always stood up for him, even when she witnessed his horrible treatment of Erin. There was a time shortly after Hannah met Erin that Erin’s brother had beat her, though he was five years younger. The police had been called. Erin wasn’t too badly hurt but her mother pleaded with her to say it hadn’t happened, claim she’d fallen so Roger wouldn’t be arrested. He had only been fifteen at the time and had already been in lots of trouble. Erin refused and mother and daughter, being on opposite sides, withdrew from each other. Their communication from that point on was spotty and never friendly.
In fact, something Hannah and Erin had in common, something that had bonded them in college and later, was their difficulty with their mothers. Hannah’s mother had passed away a couple of years ago but Erin’s was still going strong, still protecting her son, regularly asking Erin to help Roger. Erin finally took a job in Madison when she was about twenty-six mainly to put distance between herself and her family.
Despite her troubled relationship with her mother, Erin was a wonderful, loving, happy person and had many good friends in and around Madison. Erin’s mother was notified of her daughter’s death but it wasn’t really a surprise that no family members attended the celebration of life. The place was throbbing with people, all stunned and grieving, for she had always been a healthy and vibrant young woman, so active and positive. There hadn’t been a man in her life at the moment, but a couple of exes turned up to pay their respects and to check on Noah, though none were Noah’s father.
And that was where things got really complicated. Erin’s will indicated that she didn’t want Noah to be raised by her mother or her brother. She was afraid her mother would allow Roger near and that he’d be abusive to Noah. Her will was very clear. Calling on a years-old promise, Noah was to go into Hannah’s custody. Hannah, who wondered if she’d ever marry, wondered if she even wanted to anymore, and who was slowly getting used to the idea that she’d never have children. Hannah, who had called off not one but two weddings.
Sharon and Kate were also named as alternates but both were married. Sharon was expecting her second child and Kate was the mother of two children and three stepchildren. Both women were nurses, one married to a teacher and one to an aircraft mechanic. They were working mothers with very full and busy lives. And Erin had made it clear she wanted it to be Hannah.
“I have no idea how to raise a child,” Hannah said.
“Neither did we,” Kate said. “I feel your pain. I inherited three stepchildren who hated me on sight. At least Noah loves you.”
“We’ve lived in different towns. We haven’t spent that much time together. He knows us all mostly because his mom was close to us.” Because as young women will do, when they did get together, they tried to leave the kids behind. There were the occasional holiday gatherings, kids included, but as Hannah didn’t have kids for Noah to play with, she felt they hadn’t really bonded yet. And Noah had a couple of health issues that Hannah wasn’t up to speed on because, while she paid attention when Erin talked, she wasn’t dealing with his condition every day. He had a very mild case of cerebral palsy that caused weakness in his legs and for that he wore leg braces, used forearm crutches and spent a lot of time in physical therapy. Fortunately he was otherwise healthy. She knew there was every possibility those legs would strengthen and he’d reach his full mobility potential with the proper care. But not only was Hannah not a nurse like her other two friends, she was also not a mother.
“And yet, when she asked you, you said yes,” Sharon reminded her.
“The first time it came up, we were in college!” Hannah said. “We were talking about our mothers—both of them were terrible mothers! And she said, ‘If I ever have a family, will you take my children if anything should happen to me and my husband? And I promise to do the same for you!’ And then five years ago when she decided to have a baby alone, she asked me again. Five years ago when I was thirty and I thought I was getting married in less than a year. I thought I’d get married and have a family. I didn’t ever expect it to really happen or that I’d be on my own when it did. Oh God, I love Noah, but what if I fail him?”
That was when she remembered Erin had said the same thing when she was expecting—and she was the best mom Noah could have asked for.
“Sometimes those physical and health problems are easier to deal with than the emotional ones,” Kate said. “My kids are all physically healthy but they have one emotional crisis after another. At least Erin and Noah had a plan and he was being treated. The last time we talked, Erin said he was improving steadily and she was confident that Noah was going to be strong and able in every way.”
“And grieving his mother,” Hannah said. “What if I fail him there?”
“All of us are at risk for that,” Kate said. “We’ll help you as much as we can. I think she was depending on all of us.”
In the end the three women stayed with Noah for a week, accomplished a very lovely service, packed up his belongings and closed up Erin’s house, putting it in the hands of a Realtor. Burying his mother and leaving his beloved babysitter was hard on him, but Hannah promised him they would be visiting Linda and her children, who had become his friends. Hannah, along with Sharon and Kate, met with Noah’s doctors and physical therapists, collected his medical records and headed back to Minneapolis. There was a trust and insurance money, though it would take a while for all of that to be settled, but Noah was medically insured, thanks to Erin’s diligence, and Hannah could look at a list of good practitioners that his Madison doctors and therapists had recommended.
But it had taken her the better part of a half hour to get his leg braces on the first time. And Noah had to help her.
Hannah immediately took family leave. She planned to cancel her Colorado getaway, though that was low on her list of priorities. It was already April and she wanted to get Noah registered for school in the fall so they could spend the next few months getting to know each other before he started his life with a new school. She also needed to find a new babysitter so she could work, figure out how she was going to travel for business, set him up with new doctors...
And then Noah said the words that broke her heart. “Hannah, is my mom happy?”
It took every cell in her body to keep from crumbling. “She is safe and happy and living the life of an angel among angels who laugh and sing and watch over us. She’s happy and she’s always near. She lives in our hearts because when we remember her, we know she’s close to us. She loves us and we love her. Okay?”