“I’ll take both of those as compliments.”
“Did I mention you’re insanely talented and I need you desperately?”
A thrill runs through me at that thought and I don’t even bother to ignore it this time.
“Seymour Butts,” I say.
He stares at me blankly as I sip my beer. Eventually he spits out, “What?”
“Seymour Butts,” I repeat, straight-faced. “Our pen name.”
“Simpsons reference,” he says with a knowing nod. “Well-played.” He leans in, eyes dancing. “Does this mean you’re accepting?”
“It just means I want to hear all our pen name options before I even think about it. How about…”
“Amanda Hugandkiss,” he fills in.
I grin at him. “How did you know I was going to say that?”
“I think I know you pretty well, Miss Hugandkiss. What about Big Red?”
I roll my eyes. “No.”
“Red but spelled read, like I read a book.”
“Then people will call us Big Read.”
He shrugs. “So picky. Okay what about Patty Peaches?”
I burst out laughing. “You are terrible at this.” I tap my fingers on the table, thinking. “Susie Dicksuck?”
Now he’s laughing, head back, eyes shut. “That’s brilliant! Please, please can we be Susie Dicksuck?”
I giggle. “We’ll put it in the maybe pile.”
And so we spend the next few hours going over potential pen names. By the time he drops me off at my place, my ribs hurt from laughing and we’re acting like the biggest pair of dorks. I think our maturity level has dropped to reserve levels, which is totally new for me but I’m liking it.
“So,” Blake lists off as I unbuckle my seatbelt, “we’ve whittled it down to Susie Dicksuck, I.M. Hornay, T. Aint Licker, P. Ennis and Mike Hunt.”
“I swear to god there was a teacher at my high school teacher called Mike Hunt,” I tell him.
“And there was one at my high school called Dick Titball.”
We burst out laughing again, tears running down my face.
I fumble for the handle. “Okay, I have to go and sleep.”
I step out of the car as he says, “Amanda.”
I stoop to look at him, leaning against the open door.
“Promise you’ll really consider it,” he says looking up at me, his voice gravelly. “I think it will be fun. I think it could change everything.”
I promise him I will and when I’m lying in my bed later, drifting off to sleep, I wish I made him promise that everything will change.
CHAPTER TEN
Amanda
The next morning, before Ana even wakes up, I pad into the kitchen and make myself a giant vat of coffee and find a free corner of the table to bring out my computer and look through Blake’s proposal.
I have to say, when I woke up my first thought was to just dismiss last night as a drunken fun time and plan on never seeing Blake again. Writing erotica with him is a ridiculous move and totally the opposite of everything I stand for.
But slowly it’s growing on me. It has legs. It has movement. And the more I read of his business plan, the more I realize he knows exactly what he’s talking about. If we could pull it off—if we could somehow get readers and our foot in the door this way, this might open up a whole world for us. For me, if we’re successful enough, I might be able to snag an agent. Actually the more I read up about the self-publishing success stories, the more I realize that agents go after them, not the other way around. That would be huge for me and my high fantasy career.
I imagine the look on my parents face when I tell them I have an agent. They don’t have to know about the pen names—in fact, I would make Blake swear to never ever tell anyone our secret because that’s exactly what it would be—our secret. But I could just say that my fantasy novel (that they so easily dismissed) garnered the right attention. I could even tell Sarah Price and hope the news gets to Alan and everyone else I went to high school with, the ones who thought I wouldn’t amount to anything more than a weirdo.
My only concern—other than selling out—is that I have zero experience in writing anything remotely erotic. I mean, I watch my little porn channel on the internet, I’m well-versed with my vibrators and I know all of the kinky things I wanted to do with Alan even though he shied away from them for one excuse or another. But I don’t know how to write it. I guess that’s Blake’s part, but I don’t know how to write romance and tender loving scenes either. My idea of romance is a guy who will take me to see an Avengers film and doesn’t mind dressing up like Loki afterward.
Fake it until you make it, I tell myself. Maybe this way I can indulge the sexual storyline of my novel without having to change the story. I wonder if Blake will mind if I name one of the characters Luthwen.
Feeling nervous as all hell, I send him a quick reply to his email.
I’m in. What next?
Kinkily yours, Amanda Hugandkiss
His response is almost immediate.
We get started. You should probably begin reading some of the stuff in the Top 20, at least the samples, just to get a feel for the flow and prose. If you end up jacking off over it, please let me know. With details.
Your place or mine?
Dick Buttkiss
I assume he means to work on the erotica together and not me jacking off. Speaking of, it’s funny how comfortable I am with him making remarks like that. I guess he’s slowly rubbing off on me, which is probably for the best considering what I’ll be embarking on.