“Why did you do that?”
“Because I turned paranoid. And he needs money for school. And he kissed me.”
We had been having this whole conversation standing by the door, but when I said that, Blaire marched back to the couch and sat down expectantly. “Talk.”
“It’s really not that long of a story.”
“I knew you liked him.”
“I did … I do. I’m sorry I broke our pact.”
She waved her hand through the air. “Please. I don’t care about that. I just want you to be happy.”
“I ruined it. I thought he only pretended to like me so I’d pay for his college.” I joined her on the couch.
“And do you still think that?”
“Yes … ” I sighed. “No. Probably not. I have trust issues now. It’s not cool.”
“If the boy is smart, he’ll understand your paranoia. If the boy is smart, he is in love with you.”
“I might be more drama than I’m worth. He hasn’t even texted me.”
“You didn’t see him this morning at the zoo?”
“I didn’t go to the zoo this morning. Maybe I should buy him a—”
“You are not going to buy him anything,” she interrupted me. “You don’t need to buy people’s affection. You have to stop thinking like that.”
“I know.”
“Do you want to win him back or not?”
I thought back to the night of my birthday, in the parking lot where he handed me a stupid little bag of candy. He didn’t know about the lottery win that night. I didn’t even know about the lottery win that night. But that was the night that something sparked between us. Blaire was right—I had to trust my heart. It was the only way to live. And my heart wanted Seth.
“Yes. I think so.”
“Well, you better figure it out.”
I sat in my room, staring at the email I’d composed to a UCLA admissions counselor. I listened to the background noise of my parents fighting. My parents had issues that money couldn’t fix. That I couldn’t fix. My brother did, too. He needed to work things out on his own this time. It was the only way he’d learn. It had taken me a long time to accept that fact, but now I did.
I read the words I’d written again. They were good words. Persuasive words.
The penny from Seth sat on my desk next to my computer and I ran a finger over the face of Abraham Lincoln. Seth had said something when I picked this penny up that was replaying in my head. We make our own luck. I believed that, too. We chose our own fate. We controlled our own future. I knew what I wanted. I needed to go get it.
I deleted my email.
I walked into the kitchen, where my parents were still arguing.
“I’m going to Blaire’s house,” I said, over the top of my dad’s sentence.
They didn’t hear me.
Mom said, “Oh, really, you don’t spend a lot? What about this necklace?”
Dad let out a heavy sigh.
I raised my hand and said loudly, “I bought that.”
They both stopped and looked at me.
“Yeah, hi. I bought the necklace. Dad didn’t. I wanted to try to make things better. It obviously made things worse. I learned my lesson. Now stop yelling at Dad. At least for something he didn’t do.”
My mom leaned against the counter, her fight obviously gone.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Dad said to Mom.
I wasn’t sure if Mom was shocked over his apology or my admission, but she stood there for a long time in silence. Finally she said, “We need counseling or I don’t think this can work.”
“I agree,” Dad said.
For the second time, Mom looked shocked. Like she’d expected him to argue that point.
“I also need to find a job,” Dad said. “We’re home too much together.”
“You can’t handle being around me?” she asked.
“Didn’t we both just admit to that?”
Round two was about to commence. “I’m going to Blaire’s,” I repeated, ready to escape. “But I agree with the counseling decision if you’re taking votes.”
And just like that, Mom laughed. Dad followed. And I left the house with a smile.
When Blaire answered her front door, she had a pencil in her hair and held a laptop with one hand.
“You couldn’t even put it down to answer the door?” I said.
“Nope. There is no rest for the … ” She paused, searching for a word.
“Overworked? Sleep-deprived? College-bound?” I offered as suggestions.
“All of the above?”
“Let me in. I have an announcement.”
“An announcement?” She pushed the door open wider and I slid inside.
“I’ve made a decision.”
“That’s cause to celebrate.”
I smacked her arm, took the laptop away from her, and set it on her entryway table. Then I led her to the couch in the front room. “I’m going to Stanford with you.”
She screamed so loud I had to cover my ears. Then she smashed me into a hug. “What? I thought the second you told me you wanted to be with Seth that this was over. What happened? Why?”
“I’ve just been thinking about it and you’re right, I can’t control my family, I have to let them work things out … or not. And I can’t control every aspect of my life either. I’ve wanted to go to Stanford but I’ve been scared of the unknown. I’m ready to face some fears now.”
She smiled. “I am so happy.”
“Me too.”
“Speaking of facing fears, have you talked to Seth yet? Told him how you feel?”
“No, I haven’t. I’m going to. I hope he can forgive me.”
“He’ll be fine. That boy is smitten.”
“I hope so.”
“And what about Elise?” she asked. “Have you talked to her?”
I sighed. “No. What about you?”
“No. I think I’m madder at her than you are.”
I smiled. “I don’t know about that. Maybe if she apologizes, I’ll think about it.”
“She hasn’t even apologized yet?”
“No, I think she’s more concerned about her new popular friends liking her than me.”
Blaire squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too. But I’ve always known she was searching for something. For who she is. For who she wants to be. I think that’s hard.”
“You’re too nice of a person,” Blaire said. “But I know what you mean. I’m glad you’ve found some peace over it.”
“I really have.”
“Now go tell Boyfriend your plans,” Blaire said.
“He’s not Boyfriend yet.”
“He will be soon.”
Before I could talk to Seth, I had a long overdue appointment on Saturday morning.
“The first thing I tell people who win the lottery,” Mr. Chandler, the financial advisor, said as I sat in a big leather chair across the desk from him, “is to change their phone number. Have you done that yet?”
I groaned. “I should’ve talked to you two months ago.”
“So what is your goal with this money? What kinds of things do you need it to do?”
I did want to let go of the things in my life that I couldn’t control, but there were things I could. That was part of my personality, to put things in order. And it felt good to do that now. To take this big, seemingly uncontrollable aspect of my life and manage it. “Well, I’m going to Stanford. So I’ll need to pay for school and living expenses. And I want to be able to travel back here from the Bay Area often.”
“Okay, so you’ll need tuition money, a travel fund, and living expenses. That will not be hard to do. Your money will be generating interest, and I have no doubt you can easily live off the interest and the principal will remain intact.”
“That would be great. I do like to help people, but I think I need a max dollar amount I’m allowed to spend on that.”
He smiled. “Okay, we’ll come up with that dollar amount, and we’ll have a special account for that money.”