“I hate the attention.”
“That’s not how you’re acting.”
“I went out to lunch with them because you guys were both busy!” I looked around but thankfully my outburst hadn’t attracted attention. I was glad we were surrounded on either side by lockers; it kept this conversation more private.
“You went shopping with Trina twice, bought a car she talked you into. Bought clothes she wanted you to buy. Even if you don’t think she wrote the article, you at least have to admit that she’s using you.”
“How does me buying a car and clothes mean she’s using me?”
“You bought the car from her dad?”
“He gave me a discount,” I said.
She tilted her head in a “poor naïve girl” expression. “You think you buying that car didn’t benefit him at all? I’d be curious to know how much money he saved you. How much you could’ve bought it for elsewhere.”
I wanted to point out that it didn’t matter. I had the money to spend on the car. But that probably would’ve just proved her point. “I’m not stupid, Blaire,” I said.
“Just a little too trusting.”
“Okay, thanks for your concern.” Now I was getting irritated. I could’ve pointed out all the times I felt like my own friends had taken advantage of me in the last month: dorm room decorations, a party I didn’t want to throw, my birthday bowling game I paid for, expensive pizza. But I didn’t. Because I had wanted to do those things. That didn’t make me naïve. It made me nice.
Elise reached forward and squeezed my arm.
I pulled it away.
Blaire grabbed Elise’s hand, like they were a united front against me. “I feel like you weren’t good enough for Trina until you were noteworthy. Until you had money and fame.”
I closed my eyes to keep the stinging at bay.
“I’m sorry, Maddie,” Blaire said. “I just don’t like to see people using you.”
“You’re entitled to your opinion. I’m sorry you feel this way.”
“Just think about the Trina situation, okay? We care about you. If she spoke to that reporter for notoriety or to hurt your reputation, what else will she be willing to do?” Blaire asked.
Why did this feel like an intervention? Or an ultimatum? Was Blaire telling me that I had to pick? Was she asking me not to talk to Trina again? My friends were the only ones treating me badly right now, so I wasn’t ready to make that decision. I nodded before I turned to walk away. “I’ll keep your warning in mind.”
At lunch, I couldn’t bring myself to search out Blaire and Elise. They had made it clear that they didn’t want me around until I was on board with their unproven theories. Plus, I needed to think.
As I walked by the commons on my way to the food trucks, I heard a voice yell out.
“Maddie!”
I almost didn’t look. My name felt overused these days, people calling it out just for fun. I knew how my mom felt when one time she told me that if she heard the word mom one more time she might hide under her bed until we all figured out when we really needed her.
But I did look. It was Trina. She was waving me over to the group.
“Sit with us, Maddie,” she said, pointing to an empty space on the bench in between her and Beth.
“You guys aren’t going off campus today?” I asked, walking over. Daniel stood beside the bench looking at his cell phone, and Heidi was sitting on the ground in front of it.
“Mason is picking up a pizza and bringing it back here,” she said.
Pizza and Mason. More reminders of the article.
“Did Mason tell you he came to a study session with me and my friends the other night?” I asked Trina.
“Mason? At a study session?” She laughed.
“So he didn’t?”
“This is the first I’m hearing it.”
So she didn’t know about the underwhelming tip to the delivery guy.
I stared at the empty spot next to her, wondering what to do. If I sat down, was I making my choice? It was hard for me to believe that this was the group I was being warned against when they’d done nothing but welcome me in. My own friends were the ones kicking me out. Jealousy was a weird thing. I was learning that firsthand. I sat down beside Trina.
The last words I remembered saying to Seth on Sunday night played over and over in my head as I pulled into the zoo parking lot. I’ll be here as long as you want me. Could I have been any more obvious? I wished I could remember how he’d reacted to that line. I had no idea how he felt about me. He did call me a lot. That had to mean something. But he never asked me out. That had to mean something, too. Maybe he called all his friends. Maybe he was talking to Rachel on the days he wasn’t talking to me. Or maybe he sensed I’d say no to a date. Because I would. Now was the time to focus, like I’d told him. Not to get distracted.
Just as I was about to get out of my car, Seth pulled into a spot nearby. I slid down in my seat until my head was below the window line. He could not see me in this fancy new car. How would I explain it?
When my neck started to hurt from my cramped position, I figured I had given him enough of a lead time. Still, I crept out of the car like some sort of spy, hunched over. I quietly closed the door and didn’t stand to my full height until I was two cars away from mine. And I didn’t push the lock button on my key until I was nearly to the sidewalk. Then I picked up my speed and tried to catch up with Seth, who I could make out already at the entrance.
Just pretend I didn’t say anything embarrassing or desperate on the phone, I told myself. If I never acknowledged it, then it never happened.
I came up behind him and grabbed hold of his shoulders with a bounce. “Hi.”
He flashed his brilliant smile at me over his shoulder. “Hey, sleepy head.”
Or he would acknowledge it right away and ruin my plan completely.
“Yeah,” I replied, trying not to blush. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep in the middle of whatever you were saying the other night. I’m sure it was super interesting.”
“Yes, so interesting you couldn’t keep your eyes open.”
I smiled. It was cloudy today and the air smelled like rain. I looked up at the sky. The zoo didn’t close when it rained but everything became a bit more unpleasant. A large crack of lightning burst across the sky followed by a loud boom of thunder. My shoulders instinctively went up and I ducked my head.
“That’s new,” Seth said. I noticed he had taken a step closer to me, his arm extending behind my back without touching it. When he saw me look, he dropped his arm and stepped away.
“And a statistic I actually don’t want to be a part of.”
“What?” he asked.
“One in seven hundred thousand people a year get struck by lightning.”
“I don’t want to know why you know that.”
“I was curious as a kid.” And still was.
We rushed through the entrance and toward our normal meeting spot with Carol. It appeared the whole staff was there waiting for direction—including Rachel. She joined Seth and me.
Our arrival seemed to bring the rain with it, because as soon as we stopped near Carol, the rain dropped from the sky.
Carol held her clipboard over her head. “Okay, guys, the zookeepers will need our help putting animals away this morning.”
“I thought the zoo didn’t close for rain,” I said, holding my arms over my head. They did not make an effective umbrella.
“It doesn’t. It does for lightning, though. We need to protect the animals.”
Seth, Rachel, and I were handed cheap plastic zoo ponchos and directed to the petting farm, where we helped herd all the animals to their covered pens. The animals were scared and skittish but I managed to direct several goats.
Rachel wasn’t having as much luck with the pigs across the way. Seth must’ve noticed as well because he went over to help her.
The rain stung my cheeks as it increased in intensity. A crack of lightning lit the sky and seemed to jolt my thoughts. “Heeboo,” I said.
Seth had ducked under an overhang with Rachel and was gesturing for me to join them.