“Exactly,” Riley says with a nod. “Because they’re chickenshit.”
“And there’s the dickery.” Cami stuffs more cake in her mouth. “Fucking dickery.”
“Sometimes their dickeries are fun,” Kat says with a wink. “Lots of fun.” She points at Cami and squirts more alcoholic whip in her mouth. “God, this is strong.”
“God bless the man who put alcohol in whipped cream,” Mia says.
“It was probably a woman,” I reply. “On a night like this.”
“Well, God bless her,” Mia repeats, then stares at me with one eye clenched shut. “Did you know that if you close one eye, then switch to the other, it looks like stuff moves around, but it doesn’t.”
“Mia’s drunk!” Cami announces and she and I clink our bottles in celebration.
I dive for the cake, stuffing way too much in my mouth, making me cough and spew chocolate pieces all over the carpet. “Sorry, Cami.”
“Meh.” She shrugs. “I’ll vacuum tomorrow.”
“I have good friends,” I say with a sigh, after I swallow the cake and take a swig of tequila. God, this shit is good. “Like, the best friends ever. I don’t just have a person, I have people. How many bitches can say that?”
“Four others that I know of,” Riley says with a laugh. “We are lucky to have a tribe.”
“We so are,” I say, patting her pretty hair. “Your hair is so soft.”
“You know who has soft hair?” Cami asks, her voice really loud. “Landon.”
“Are we talking about Landon?” Kat asks. “I thought he was still off-limits.”
“It’s a dumb-man party,” I point out. “I say let’s talk about all the dumb men.”
“Except, he’s not dumb,” Cami says sadly. “He’s really, really, really smart. He was the valedictorian of his class.”
“That doesn’t make him smart,” I reply, but then frown. “Wait. Maybe it does.”
“He’s dumb for hurting you,” Mia says. “But he doesn’t even know he’s doing it, which makes him doubly dumb.”
“I think he might now,” Cami says softly, tears forming in her eyes. “But I think he just doesn’t care.”
“Landon would care,” I say with a frown. “Landon is a good person. He wouldn’t be dickery with you. He loves you.”
“But he doesn’t love me, and that’s the problem.”
We all nod, understanding what Cami means perfectly.
“Well, I’m gonna text Jake,” I decide with a nod. “I think I should. He shouldn’t get the last word.”
“Do it!” Mia says, clapping her hands. “Let us take a picture of your tits and you can send him those too, so he remembers what he’s missing out on.”
“No,” Riley says, shaking her head emphatically. “All of that is a very bad idea.”
“You’re right.” I nod and smile at Riley innocently. “I won’t send him a picture of my tits. But I can still text him and tell him his dick is too small.”
“Is it small?” Mia asks, shooting up into a sitting position, then nearly falling over again. “Whoa!”
“No. It’s actually really good-sized.”
“Damn,” Kat mutters. “And he’s good with it. You told me that, I think.”
“Really good with it,” I confirm. “I’d never had an orgasm from penetration before.”
“That exists?” Cami asks in surprise.
“You mean, Brian never did that for you?” I ask her.
“Unfortunately, Brian is not as gifted in the dickery as Jake.” She snorts, then starts to laugh, and we all join her, finding this news hilarious. “I need to know what all the fuss is about.”
“So, Brian’s nice, but he’s not great in the sack,” I say, now petting Cami’s hair. “Your hair is soft too.”
“Why are you petting everyone?” Kat asks.
“It’s soothing,” I whisper loudly to her. Geesh, she is not maternal at all.
“Brian is good with his tongue,” Cami says thoughtfully. “But the rest? Meh.”
“Then why are you constantly trying to set the man up?” Mia asks.
“Well, what was meh to me might be wowza to someone else. It’s all subjective.”
We nod in agreement. I mean, she makes perfect sense. And then I remember that I was going to text Jake.
“I have to text Jake.” I crawl across the room to fetch my handbag, and Kat comes after me.
“No, you don’t.” She reaches around me, fumbling for my phone, but I hold it close to my belly and bend over, out of her reach. “Give me your phone, Addison.”
“Let her text him,” Mia yells.
“No, she should not text him,” Riley says.
Kat tickles me and I squirm, losing my grip on my phone, and she plucks it out of my hand.
“You’re strong for someone who thinks the gym is a weapon of mass extinction.”
“Mass destruction,” Cami corrects me, still eating cake.
“That’s what I said.” I turn back to Kat and hold my hand out. “Give me my phone.”
“No.”
“Yes!”
“Addie, look at me.” There are two of her. “You will regret this tomorrow. Do not text him. Don’t give him the satisfaction of that. He broke up with you, sweetie. You can’t text him: it makes you look weak and pathetic.”