“What’s going on here?” I leaned forward. How had I missed this? The way Frank looked at Phoenix, the way Phoenix almost… cowered in Frank’s presence — not that he was intimidated, but that he was uncomfortable with the weight of his own knowledge.
“Luca knew everything about everyone,” Phoenix said slowly. “Everything. And Sergio… it’s hard to explain, but it’s almost like he took every possible scenario that could have happened in our family and planned for it.”
I snorted. “What? So now he’s a ghost? Freaking psychic? Controlling the family from the grave?”
Frank gulped and looked down at the table. “You know nothing, and you’ll continue to be in the dark until you read the folder, the one Luca specifically left for you, about you, with instructions only you can carry out.”
I met Frank’s gaze, my gaze unwavering, giving nothing away. “And what if I burn it? What happens then?”
Frank licked his lips and cracked a smile. “I imagine my brother even planned for that outcome as well. His mind worked in very mysterious ways.”
Phoenix tapped his fingers against the wood table. “Sergio, we still need you. That’s what this is about. We need you in this family. Don’t check out. Not yet.”
“Yet,” I repeated.
Frank’s eyes were kind when he said, “She will die.”
I averted my gaze. “I know.”
“And when she does…” His voice was soft, reassuring. “…we will still need you, Sergio. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
I snorted. “Don’t go off and shooting myself in the face? Is that what you’re saying?” I shook my head. “Well, let me put your mind at ease. I would never do that. Ever. Andi would be ashamed of me if I did, and I live for that woman.” My voice shook. “I’m a man because of her, and I’ll be damned if I take the coward’s way out because I can’t live without her.”
Frank stared long and hard at me, his blue eyes piercing, his body taut. “Fine,” he finally said. “Good.” Standing, he gave me another once-over and said again, “Read the folder, Sergio, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised… or burn it. Either way, life… it is meant to be lived, it is meant to be felt, regardless of how painful or sorrowful the journey.”
I nodded and whispered, “It’s not how you start.”
Frank smiled softly. “Son, it’s how you finish.”
“A beautiful ending.” I repeated what Andi and I had said.
“Yes,” he agreed, “it is.”
Frank walked slowly out of the room; his footsteps echoed for a good while before they disappeared, leaving just me and Phoenix at the table.
“I have to say something.” Phoenix’s eyes were glassy with tears. “And I’m sorry if I’m being that guy right now, but I have to say it.”
“What?” I’d never in my life seen Phoenix show emotion, not really, not in the way he was showing now, like any second he was going to break down and sob all over the table. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ve never…” He shook his head as tears filled his eyes. “…respected a man as much as I respect you, right now, in this moment.”
I swallowed the knot in my throat. “Oh yeah? Why?”
“Because I see it, Sergio. I feel it. I know it. What it’s like to be saved, to have someone see you for you, not just what you want people to see. But who grasps the innermost parts of your darkness and calls bullshit on your own insecurities, who takes you for who you are and says its okay. I know.” He licked his lips and looked down at the table. “I know it, probably better than most, and now, so do you. She’s dying, man, and I can’t… my brain can’t comprehend the gravity or the depth of the sorrow you feel, and I can’t help you — none of us can — and it’s choking to watch, to live through, so I can’t imagine being you, I can’t imagine being her, and because of that, I respect you so much that now, right here, right now, I vow to do my damnedest to help you when this is done. I’ll get your ass out of bed when it seems too hard. I’ll shoot you in the ass if you don’t eat. I’ll do what I can because I owe you at least that much for showing me what it’s really like to be selfless — to love.”
I had no words.
So, for the first time since my promise to Andi, I let it go. I collapsed against my enemy — the one guy I probably hated just as much as Tex.
And I cried.
Big heaving sobs wracked my body.
And Phoenix De Lange of all people…
Held me.
And told me it was going to be okay.
I just wish I believed him.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Andi
THIS WAS FAMILY. IT WAS DISORGANIZED, messy, chaotic, hilarious, heartbreaking—it was perfect.
Trace had quickly decided that we didn’t need a movie but a karaoke night.
Nixon was not amused.
And watching Trace try to get Nixon to sing Frozen’s “Let it Go” was officially going down in my all-time favorite moments. He looked livid, yet he was up there, clutching the microphone with a death grip while Trace danced around him.
Awesome.
I clapped.
Tex kept booing.
And Chase kept asking Nixon to take off his shirt.
Somehow the song took a turn for the worse when Trace tried to spank Nixon. He tossed her over his shoulder and carried her out of the room.