I held up my hand.
“Andi—”
I shook my head. “How long?”
His face took on a greenish-white color. Oh good, always a promising sign when your own doctor starts getting sick. “I can’t give you an adequate timeline, Andi.”
I let out a frustrated sigh.
“It’s spread.”
“From my blood?”
“Andi…” He leaned forward, pressing his arms against his thighs. “…I don’t know how else to say this, but the cancer is in your lymph nodes, and we found a few spots on your lungs as well.”
I smiled. “Hey, I still have my kidneys and boobs, right?”
He didn’t laugh.
It was probably a bad joke anyway.
I played with a loose thread on my jeans. I’d known this would happen, knew it was happening now; I didn’t really feel sad — numb was more like it. Like I was hearing it or watching it play out, but that it wasn’t happening to me, but an entirely different person, because I honestly didn’t feel all that horrible.
It’s weird.
Something was eating me alive from the inside out. My own blood was basically poison. And I didn’t really feel it.
“You’ll need to come in three times a week for blood transfusions. That should help at least give you some more time. There’s also the chance that we can try chemo again, some radiation. There are options, Andi.”
“Give me numbers.” Wow, if Sergio could hear me now. “What are the odds that chemo or radiation will work a second time?”
“Five percent.” He sighed. “Maybe less.”
“So get violently ill and spend my remaining days in the hospital or… just go to sleep?”
“Andi, it will get more painful… your joints will start swelling, you’re going to bruise a lot more, your skin will even hurt. I’ll prescribe some medicine, but maybe you should just take some time, talk to your family, and get back to me.”
My family.
I had no family.
No one but Sergio.
He was my only family now.
And if I told him the truth, it would either scare him to death or make him resent me. After all, he’d never wanted this.
Would it be selfish for me to leave him? Or selfless? What would be easier? Running away so he didn’t have to see me die? Or selfishly staying so he could hold my hand while I did it?
“Knock, knock.” Bee’s voice sounded at the door. She let herself in and walked around the bed. Her eyes took in the doctor’s solemn expression. Immediately, her hand touched my shoulder and squeezed.
“I’ll go get your meds, Andi.” The doctor stood and walked out the door; it shut softly behind him.
“So…” Bee grabbed a stool and nodded. “…your doctor should totally be on Grey’s Anatomy.”
I burst out laughing. “I’m so glad you agree. I told him he should get an agent. I think he thinks I’m kidding.”
“With that face—” She nodded. “—he could do quite well at Seattle Grace.”
“From your mouth to Dr. Hotty’s ears.”
Bee grinned. She was gorgeous in a totally irritating and baffling way. It wasn’t just one thing that made her pretty, but every single part of her face working together to form perfection. I’d told her that on numerous occasions, but she’d just waved me off. I loved that she didn’t have a prideful bone in her body.
Pregnancy looked amazing on her; she wasn’t even showing yet, but I could tell that once she did, she’d still look like a rock star with her dark hair and light features.
“Question,” I leaned back in the chair and crossed my arms. “Would you be willing to come with me to a few appointments? I’d ask Sergio, but I’m not sure I want him to know it’s come to this point.”
“This point being?”
“Death.”
Bee didn’t gasp or cry. She simply nodded and said, “Whatever you need.”
“Well, right now I need you to cheer me up.”
“I have wine for that.”
“You little slut, please tell me you stole from your brother’s ridiculously expensive wine cellar.”
Bee laughed. “I did it for you.”
“You’re a great friend.”
“No…” Bee reached over and gripped my hand. “…I’m family… we’re sisters… all of us. It’s what we do.”
“We?”
“We,” a few voices said in unison.
I turned and gaped at the door as Trace, Mil, and Mo barged into my room, bags in hand.
“Did you guys rob a Nordstrom on the way in?” I pointed to the bags.
“Who needs to rob when you have Nixon’s card?” Trace shrugged and winked in my direction. “I think it’s time for lunch.”
The doctor made his way back into my crowded room, took one look at all the gorgeous girls, and wrote down the wrong prescription three times before he finally was able to give me a legible one — and that was by doctor’s standards.
“See ya later.” Bee winked at the doctor and blew him a kiss.
I loved that girl.
Mo pulled me in for a side hug while Trace looped arms with me.
“To lunch and wine!” Mil shouted, and the rest of us followed.
We earned some odd looks from bystanders, but I didn’t care. They were, as Bee said, really the only family I had.