If I couldn’t disappear… I groaned into my hands. “Focus, Sergio. Marry the girl, say I do, and power through.” I chanted it into the mirror. “Six months. Only six months.”
Damn, I was a callous bastard.
But I had to be, especially when it came to her.
I took a few deep breaths then jerked open the bathroom door just as Tex was starting to knock. He wasn’t looking, so his hand collided with my forehead before I reared back and slammed that same hand against the door, crushing his fingers against the wall.
He let out a howl then scowled. “Was that necessary?”
“Completely,” I said in a cold voice. “Let’s go.”
“Oh, so now you’re in a hurry,” he grumbled behind me. “Damn it, that hurt. What the hell type of karate you been practicing, Serg?”
I rolled my eyes.
“Huh, remember the days you used to threaten me?”
“Are you under the impression they’re over or something?”
“You’re more quiet than you used to be.”
I sighed. “I’m a lot of things now that I never used to be.”
“Guess that’s what happens… when you sell your soul to the government, huh?”
I stopped walking.
Tex grinned menacingly. “The rest of the guys may be on your side… but remember this. We aren’t blood. We’ve never been blood. If you take one misstep… I’ll beat Phoenix to the punch by shooting you myself.”
“So now there’s a line?” I nodded. “Good to know.”
“I’d kill him so I could get first shot.” Tex popped his knuckles.
“Save your aggression for the bedroom, Cappo.” I shoved past him. “I’m clean… no more FBI, unless they kill me, that is, and no more working for the family. Now I just exist.”
I didn’t stay back to listen to whatever bullshit he was going to throw at me; instead I marched into the large banquet room. It was at least two thousand square feet with huge windows lining the entire backside overlooking the rose gardens.
There was a time when my family used to host parties there.
They’d been huge, epic, something my family had done in order to show the world how much money they had — and how many government officials they had in their pockets. That was all before my father was arrested along with a few other family members, who, lucky for me, were also outlaws. They’d been released on probation just last year. None of us had heard from them since. But I knew, he was always lurking, especially since the FBI had forced me to cut off ties with them, freezing their accounts.
I’d danced my first dance with my ma in that ballroom.
I’d also experienced my first kiss there.
Then again, the first time I’d seen someone shot had been in front of the middle window. The bullet had shattered it. I remembered my mom being pissed because it had been unnecessary. My father’s response? War was unnecessary, yet it existed, didn’t it?
I shook the memory away. And now… now I was saying my vows.
Without my father… thanks to him being an outlaw.
Without my mother… on account of her being dead.
And with my brother who looked at me like a stranger and my cousin who’d all but disowned me a few days ago, along with the rest of the four crime families.
“Hell,” I muttered, making my way slowly down the improvised aisle and standing at the end by Ax.
Everyone was seated.
Tex stomped into the room and pulled out a chair. It made a screeching sound across the marble floor before he plopped into it, pulling Mo nearly into his lap and then kissing her forehead.
I got it. She was his.
Damn, that man irritated me.
Classical music trickled into the room.
I closed my eyes, preparing myself for the worst. For the moment when I’d see Andi and really see her.
When her joy would cloud my better judgment and make me want to reach out to her.
When her smile would be so damn beautiful and inviting that I’d beg her to be my wife and live.
Just live.
It was like fighting two parts of myself.
I didn’t want to be the good guy — not now, not anymore.
The good guy rarely won.
The good guy rarely even got a fighting chance.
The good guy got his heart slaughtered.
The good guy… sacrificed everything for family and still got shit on.
I was no longer good.
I wasn’t bad either.
I was just… existing. Like I’d told Tex.
The music became louder and louder. My hands started to get clammy as the anticipation became more unbearable as the music continued.
And finally… the door opened, and Andi stepped through.
I had prepared myself for her smile. My body stiffened as she walked happily down the aisle with Nicolai escorting her.
She even threw her own damn rose petals.
The girls joined in the soft laughter as she continued tossing them out of a small basket.
When she was at the end of the aisle, Nicolai kissed her on the top of the head and took his seat up front.
She turned.
I glanced at her smiling mouth. I didn’t allow myself to feel anything. I simply stared at it and thought to myself, Wow pretty smile, full of life, marrying, contract, done deal.
“Pssst.” She gripped my hand. “You’re forgetting something.”
“Um…” Was it normal to talk during the ceremony? I leaned forward and whispered. “What?”