Willowdean bounces a little, her eyebrows skipping up and down.
“Okay, okay,” says Ellen. “Time’s up.”
Amanda licks her lips. “Uhhh . . . hmmm. Okay, the period at your twelfth birthday party is a lie!”
“I’m gonna say the gastrointestinal incident,” I say after a moment of deliberation.
“I think . . . ,” says Hannah. “I think . . . I agree with Millie.”
“So which is it?” I ask.
“Her period is the lie!” shouts Will. And then she gasps. “Oh my God. I forgot your parents are asleep.”
“It’s okay,” I say, knowing that really my mom is probably lying wide awake in bed, thinking of all the ways Hannah and Willowdean might be corrupting me.
Ellen swats at Willowdean’s arm. “I can’t believe you remembered. I got my period at my thirteenth birthday party. Not my twelfth!”
“Oh, come on!” says Amanda. “That’s a technicality!”
Hannah holds up a finger. “So wait. This means you farted on your boyfriend after doing the nasty?”
Secondary mortification turning to molasses in my chest. “What did you say?”
“Uh, yeah,” says Willowdean. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me this!”
Ellen shrugs. “I pretended to be asleep. And hey, if he wants allllllll of this”—she motions to her body. “Then he can’t pick and choose what he gets. People fart! Girls fart!”
Amanda holds out her fist for Ellen to bump. “Respect. Is it weird that I was hoping the fart was the truth?”
Ellen laughs. “Only if you’re weirded out that it happened, I guess?”
“Why are bodies so weird and gross?” asks Willowdean. “Like, just the phrase body fluids should be illegal. Right up there with moist.”
Ellen leans her head on Willowdean’s shoulder. “You just have a weird complex right now because . . . well, you know . . .”
“You know what?” asks Amanda.
Willowdean holds her hands over her face. “Bo and I have started talking about doing it.”
“And what exactly do you mean by ‘it’?” asks Amanda. “I mean, if you’re gonna do it, at least be able to say it.”
“Sex! Okay?” says Willowdean. “We’re talking about maybe-probably-sooner-than-later having sex, but, like, there are just so many awkward things to think about. And I’m not even talking about him seeing me naked, because, well, we’ve nearly gotten that far.” She sighs. “Isn’t it someone else’s turn?”
I try to pull myself together. But I know my cheeks are beet red. Sex. Wow. I just . . . the thought of being naked in front of someone else. I want to be ready for that one day, but that day is not today. “Okay,” I say. “Amanda’s up next.”
Amanda wiggles on her rear end. “I don’t know if I’m interesting enough for this game.”
“Everyone’s got dirt,” says El.
Amanda nods into her chest, and I think it’s the most serious I’ve ever seen her. “Okay. One, I pulled the fire alarm in middle school to sabotage a pop quiz in Earth Science and blamed it on Patrick Thomas. And I never got caught.”
“Oh my God,” says Willowdean. “Please let that be true.”
“For real,” Hannah chimes in. “That would be straight-up shero status.”
I hate the thought of someone carrying the blame for something they never did, but Patrick Thomas is an exception. He’s the kind of person that probably gets on the internet just to be mean to people he’s never even met. I can’t walk by without him oinking like a pig. Now I just ignore it, which would be fine if I didn’t have to suffer through the pity stares people give me every time it happens.
Amanda clears her throat. “And number three—”
“Oh, wait! I missed number two,” I say. “Sorry. My mind wandered.”
“It’s okay,” Amanda says as she tears open a bag of Runts and digs around for her favorite flavor, banana. “Number two was that I’m adopted.”
The lie. I try not to smile. Amanda isn’t adopted, but her youngest brother, Tommy, is.
“And number three!” she says with a mouth full of banana Runts. “I . . . have never really been sexually attracted to anyone.”
Will sits up, her posture straight as a fence post. “What does that even mean? You talk about Bo’s peach butt all the time. I mean, don’t get me wrong. It’s a great butt.”
My brows furrow, because I know this is one of Amanda’s truths, but I’ve got to admit it’s not something that makes much sense to me. We’ve talked about it before, and the two of us had just figured she hadn’t met the right person. Or maybe I figured that, and Amanda just let me believe it.
“I can appreciate a good butt.” Amanda shrugs. “And who knows? Maybe that’s the lie.”
Hannah’s eyes narrow in on Amanda. “You’re not adopted.”
“What!” says El. “How do you know?”
Hannah tilts her head to the side, like she’s seeing something completely new when she looks at Amanda. “I don’t.”
“I’m recusing myself,” I announce.
“Okay,” says Will. “I think the last one is a lie.”
El’s whole face twists into a knot as she studies Amanda. “I was going to say number one, but I think you’re ballsy as hell, so I bet you did it. And number two . . . I feel like you wouldn’t make that a secret. I mean, some people would, but you’re the kind of person who treats the world like you’ve got nothing to hide. But number three . . . it’s too specific to make up.” She pauses before giving her diagnosis. “Number two is the lie!”
“You would be a great investigator,” I tell Ellen.
She turns to me. “Yeah? I’ve been thinking about going to school for criminal justice.”
Will plugs her fingers in her ears. “Lalalalalalala we are not talking about college and how we’re going to live a bajillion miles away from each other lalalalalala.”
Ellen rolls her eyes and then looks to me. “We can talk later,” she whispers before yanking Will’s hands from her ears. “Okay, Amanda. Give us the deets.”
Amanda pulls in a deep breath. “Number two is the lie.”
Ellen pumps her fist in the air. “Yes! I was right.”
“Okay, okay. Back up,” says Willowdean. “You’ve never had the hots for someone?”
Amanda pulls her knees in to her chest, doing her best to make herself smaller. “Oh, I’ve totally had crushes.” She rests her chin between her two kneecaps. “I can still look at people, like Bo or even girls, too, and find them attractive. But there are lots of different kinds of attraction. And I think I want to be in a relationship one day. I just don’t know what that will look like for me yet. I guess what it comes down to is I don’t experience sexual attraction, and also I don’t really have any interest in sex. At least not right now. I think if I knew someone really well and was attracted to them in other ways, that might change.”
I can feel myself blinking too much, like I’m trying to process this information, but my body is malfunctioning. I know Amanda has never had a boyfriend. Or girlfriend. But I’ve never really thought anything of it. I’ve heard of girls not meeting anyone until college or even after. I just figured it wasn’t a priority for Amanda.
I form my words carefully, like I’m tiptoeing around the edge of a cliff. “Do you—do you think you’ll always feel this way?”
Amanda smiles. “Do you think you’ll always have a crush on Malik?”
My cheeks spark into flames.
“Sorry,” she says. “I just meant that I don’t really know, but it feels pretty permanent for now.”
Hannah lets out a long groan. “Y’all need to get on the damn internet or something. Amanda is asexual. Aren’t you, Amanda?”
Amanda’s gaze connects with Hannah’s and something inside me feels hollow. Amanda is my best friend, and I want to understand her as well as Hannah does in this moment, but I feel like I’m a few steps behind.