I mean, I’m only human.
“Have you told Luke about Craig?” Suze demands.
“Er…”
I pause in my own thoughts. I haven’t, actually. That’s strange. Why haven’t I?
I rack my brain, trying to work it out. It hasn’t come up, I suppose. But there’s nothing sinister about it. I’m not hiding anything. It’s just that we’re a busy couple and we don’t tell each other every single thing, every single day.
If I admit any of this to Suze, though, she’ll overreact. She’ll think I’m “keeping things from Luke.” I mean, fair enough, she’s über-sensitive, and I don’t blame her. She had that wobbly patch with Tarkie, and she did keep things from him. (And me. And the world.) But this isn’t remotely the same.
“Of course I’ve told Luke!” I say, crossing my fingers behind my back. “He thinks it’s hilarious. We’ve joked about it.”
“Oh.” Suze looks wrong-footed. “Oh, right.”
It’s half-true, I tell myself, because I will tell Luke. The minute I clap eyes on him this evening, I’ll tell him about Craig and we’ll have a laugh and it’ll all be OK.
“Well, have fun tonight,” says Suze, lifting her chin. “Enjoy.”
“Suze, d’you want to come to the pub too?” I say hurriedly. “I’m sure you’re invited.”
“Oh no!” exclaims Suze in dignified tones. “He’s your friend. Why would I want to come? Let me know if you end up in the hot tub,” she adds with that same sardonic look. “You’d better take your bikini along.”
Honestly. Take my bikini along. What a ridiculous idea.
Although—should I? Just in case?
No. No. We won’t end up in the hot tub, of course we won’t. We’re going for a civilized drink at the village pub.
As I sit in the kitchen, coloring with Minnie and waiting for Luke to get home, I feel very slightly apprehensive about telling Luke all in one fell swoop that 1. my ex lives in the village now, and 2. he’s a rock musician, and 3. he’s asked us for a drink tonight.
I mean, it’s not a problem. It’s just quite a lot of information, out of the blue. Suze is right—I should have mentioned Craig before. I don’t know why I didn’t.
As I hear the front door, I draw breath, ready to start my little explanation, but Luke strides in, full of energy, and gets in first.
“I’ve been thinking about your hot boots all day,” he says, coming over and surveying me with gleaming eyes. “And they’re even better than they were this morning. Is it time to put Minnie to bed yet?” He glances down at her. “I’m sure she needs an early night. Don’t you, poppet?”
His intent is so obvious, I can’t help laughing. I stand up and say, “How was your day?” intending to lead quickly onto the topic of Craig, but Luke ignores the question.
“Here’s an idea,” he says, putting his arms round me. “How about you and I get away after Christmas? If you want to go to Warsaw, Becky, why shouldn’t we? I looked it up at lunchtime. Found a great hotel with a spa, right by the Presidential Palace. Couples’ massages available,” he adds with a fresh glint in his eye.
“That sounds amazing,” I say, a bit breathlessly, because I’m now actually quite anxious to get onto the subject of Craig. “So, um, a funny thing happened!” I pause, trying to get my words in order, but Luke doesn’t seem to hear me.
“What you said to me the other day got under my skin,” he says more seriously. “You’re right, we should stay connected. You’re always experimenting with clothes and music, Becky—and you put me to shame. Why not go clubbing in Gdańsk? Why not go for the weekend to Warsaw? Do you know any Polish?” He grins at me. “I looked up ‘great boots’ on Google Translate. It’s Świetne buty,” he says with relish. “Świetne buty, kochanie. That’s ‘Great boots, sweetheart.’ ”
“Right!” I say, desperate to stop his enthusiastic flow. “So, anyway, I’ve got something to tell you.”
“What?” says Luke, running his hands down my back and squeezing the tops of my thighs. “You bought three more pairs of those boots and you’ve hidden them under the bed? Well, that’s fine by me, as long as you bring them to Warsaw.”
“No!” I laugh nervously. “It’s just…um—”
“Yoo-hoo!” Suze’s cheery voice interrupts me, and we both look up to see her in the doorway, holding a big cardboard box. “Your door was open, and this was on the doorstep.”
“Oh yes.” Luke bats his forehead with his hand. “I was intending to go back for that, but I was waylaid by my beautiful wife.”
I see something in Suze’s brow soften as she surveys the pair of us. She dumps the box on the table and grins at me.
“Sorry to interrupt your love-in. I’m here to take those vile statues away.”
“Excellent!” says Luke. “My day gets better and better. Glass of wine, Suze? We’re planning a little trip to Warsaw.”
“Warsaw!” says Suze in surprise—then her eyes light up. “Are you going with Craig?”
“Craig?” echoes Luke.
“You know, Becky’s old boyfriend,” says Suze blithely. “Wasn’t he in Warsaw this weekend? Has Becky told you about the hot tub?” she adds with a giggle. “I just went to check it out. It’s massive. I don’t dare tell Tarkie; he’ll flip out.”
She looks at Luke expectantly, but he’s standing there, holding the wine bottle, looking confused.
“Old boyfriend?” he says after a beat.
“Actually, Suze…I hadn’t told Luke about Craig yet.” I’m trying to sound casual, but Suze gapes at me in blatant shock.
“But you said you had!” she blurts out. “You said you’d told Luke!”
I feel a jab of frustration. Why did Suze have to react like that? She’s going to make this weird, when it isn’t.
“It’s no big deal!” I say quickly, with a little laugh, and turn to Luke. “This guy called Craig who I used to date—ages ago, at uni—anyway, he’s living in Suze’s cottage. And he wants us to have a drink with him tonight. That’s all.”
“Right.” Luke digests this. “And what’s the connection to Warsaw?”
“He was in Warsaw for the weekend. He invited you, didn’t he, Bex?” Suze adds, and I see a weird flicker pass across Luke’s face.
“I see,” he says in neutral tones. “So that’s why…Let me get you that wine.”
“It just gave me the idea of Warsaw,” I say. “We should definitely go, Luke! It sounds awesome!”
I’m trying to recapture the mood we had a moment ago, but I’m not sure it’s working. Luke pours out three glasses, and when he lifts his head he’s smiling again, because that’s what Luke is like.
“So, why’s this chap in Letherby?” he inquires.
“He’s burned out after a tour,” says Suze knowledgeably. “He’s a real…you know. Rock type. Leather jacket, boots, tattoos, long hair…a bit grungy. Nothing like you, Luke,” she says eagerly. “He’s totally different.”
I think Suze is trying to reassure Luke. But I kind of wish she wouldn’t.
“I see,” says Luke again, and his gaze runs over my blue-streaked hair, then down over my frayed suit to my new boots. He looks at them for a silent moment, then back up at my face, which is growing hot—I have no idea why.
I stare helplessly back, thinking, No, you’re wrong!
But wrong about what, exactly? I don’t want to second-guess what Luke’s thinking. I don’t want to make some tiny little nothing into a thing, when it’s not a thing. It’s not.
“Anyway.” I try to sound breezy. “He’s asked us to go for a drink tonight. He’d love to meet you. Suze is babysitting.”
“Great,” says Luke in the same neutral tones. “Sounds fun.”
My head is prickling and I can sense Suze staring meaningfully at me, but I don’t want to meet her gaze. I want to make the perfect lighthearted comment that will instantly smooth everything over. Right now, though, I can’t quite think of it.
* * *
—
As we walk through the chilly streets of Letherby to the Lamb and Flag, the village looks enchanting. All the cottages have light glowing from their curtained windows, and there’s a Christmas tree on the green, all twinkly with lights. It’s idyllic here and I do love it. Even if it isn’t edgy Shoreditch.
I can’t really savor my surroundings, though, because I’m a bit nervous. Luke hasn’t said much since I landed the news on him that we’re having a drink with my old boyfriend. His eyes are quite distant and his jaw is tight. It’s hard to tell what he’s thinking.
I mean, honestly! It’s no big deal. Or it shouldn’t be. Luke and I are an established, happy couple. The fact that Craig is my ex-boyfriend is neither here nor there. Luke should be open-minded about it. If it were me, I’d be open-minded, I tell myself firmly. In fact, I was open-minded when we came across an old girlfriend of his called Venetia a few years ago. I was.
(Until we had a massive flaming standoff, but that was totally provoked.)
The point is, Craig is a talented, interesting guy and he’s a neighbor and we should be friends with him.
“So I expect you want to know all about Craig,” I say casually as we walk along.
“Not really,” says Luke in unreadable tones.
“Right. Oh. Well, anyway…we hardly dated at all,” I gabble nervously. “So. He’s hardly an ex-boyfriend at all.”
“Mmm,” says Luke, as though this fact is of no interest to him.
“I mean, in some ways he’s like you,” I say, after a moment’s thought. “He travels a lot too.”