“Alright, let’s go get some food in you to sop up some of that alcohol,” Charlotte announces as we make our way into the restaurant.
After we’ve been seated and our orders taken, Charlotte and Rocco sit across from me silently, waiting for me to start talking.
I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to think about the fact that I’m so totally in love with Tyler that I want to cry. I just want to drink more and forget all about it.
“WHOSE FUCKING SHOES ARE THESE?” I yell, staring down at the ugly black and white slip-on flats.
Charlotte shakes her head at me. “Dude, I just bought you those at the store, remember?”
Whatever, she’s totally lying. Someone stole my shoes and replaced them with these monstrosities.
“So, let’s talk. Why are you so afraid of falling in love?” Rocco asks, taking a sip of his wine.
I lean forward, smacking my hands down on the table so hard the glasses and plates clink together. “I am NOT afraid of falling in love! I love falling in love. Falling in love is lovely and I love love.”
“She’s never been in love before, that’s her problem,” Charlotte pipes up.
“I have too been in love before!” I argue.
She cocks her head at me. “Name one time.”
I’d close my eyes and try to think but I’m afraid the room will swirl too fast and I’ll fall out of my chair. After a few seconds, I snap my fingers excitedly.
“Two years ago, March 17th. It was a Monday and the time was exactly 8:54 pm. I fell in love so hard that it took my breath away. It was so hard and so good. Mmmmmm, hard and good and big and I felt so full…of love and stuff,” I slur.
“I’m very uncomfortable with this conversation right now,” Rocco mumbles.
“Didn’t you get your first Michael Kors bag two years ago?” Charlotte questions suspiciously.
I shrug, slumping back in my chair as the waiter comes over to the table and begins setting plates of food down in front of us.
“Michael Kors will always be my first love. He gives great purse.”
Rocco nods, picking up his glass of wine and tilting it in my direction. “Amen, sister.”
Charlotte huffs. “Ava, stop being difficult and talk to us. I know it’s a scary thing to be in love for the first time, but it’s also amazing. Tyler is a nice guy. Sure, he’s got a few kinky fetishes, but who cares? He’s in love with you and he treats you better than any guy you’ve ever been with.”
I will not drunk cry, I will not drunk cry.
“Who doesn’t have kinky fetishes?” Rocco asks. “I once dated a guy who could only get it up if I played track ten on the Oklahoma soundtrack. Do you know what track ten is on the Oklahoma soundtrack? It’s ‘The Farmer and the Cowman.’ As soon as he heard the words ‘One man likes to push a plough, the other likes to chase a cow,’ he would come like a wild man. He gave great head, so who was I to argue?”
My Little Pony suddenly doesn’t seem so bad now.
“Who ordered this shit?!” I yell, staring down at my plate of pasta and refusing to talk about Tyler’s fetishes.
“Be a good girl and eat your food,” Charlotte tells me calmly.
I can’t find my silverware and it suddenly occurs to me that I haven’t eaten all day and I’m starving. I’m in love with hungry and I’m Tyler drunk.
Fuck it.
Rocco and Charlotte pause with their forks by their mouths to stare at me. I stare right back as I smack my hand down on the plate and scoop up and handful of rigatoni, splattering noodles and sauce all over the white tablecloth.
“I’m in love with drunk,” I announce as I shovel noodles into my mouth.
“Is she seriously eating with her hands right now?” Rocco whispers in shock.
I ignore him, smacking my hand back down on the plate while I stare the two of them down. “I love hungry drunk!”
I notice a few patrons looking over at our table and I realize I’m probably being a little loud.
“This shit is delicious and I’m love drunk! Go f**k your face!” I shout at one woman in particular who is looking at me in disgust.
“Okay there, drunky, calm down,” Charlotte says quietly, reaching over and placing her hand on my arm. “It’s okay to admit it, you don’t have to be afraid.”
Rocco nods his head in agreement and all of a sudden, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. Everything is going to be okay. I can be honest with my sister and my friend; they won’t judge me.
I grab a few more noodles with my fingers and push them past my lips before taking a huge breath and letting it all out.
“I like to masturbate on the interstate!” I announce loudly.
Rocco’s fork crashes to his plate and Charlotte starts choking on her glass of wine.
At this point, I can feel all eyes in the restaurant on me and I don’t care. Fuck all of them!
“When I’m driving down the interstate, I just can’t help it. All that open road and freedom makes me horny and I just have to do it. Every. Single. Time. Sometimes, I drive on the rumble strips at the edge of the road for miles because it makes me feel tingly.”
I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be talking about something else right now, but I don’t remember what it is.
Fuck, this pasta is DELICIOUS.
“Oh, dear God,” Charlotte whispers.
I smile at both of them and start licking sauce off of my fingers, lifting my feet up and resting them on Rocco’s thigh.