I sighed. “What she meant and how I took it were two very different things. The sun was shining directly on her pretty strawberry-blonde hair, and the only thought that consumed me was ‘God, I would give more than a kidney just to freeze this moment in time—and keep her forever.’”
Tears filled Kayla’s eyes. “But we were engaged.”
“Yes.” My voice was hollow. “So I ignored it, thinking it was just cold feet, right? A passing fascination with a girl who’d suddenly grown up. And then one night, I almost kissed her. It freaked me out. I’d only ever been with you. I mean, we’d been together since the eighth grade. So then I told myself I was attracted to her because I was being a guy.”
“And it got worse?” Kayla asked.
“So, so much worse,” I groaned, remembering all the moments I almost took Avery in my arms and imagined kissing her. “The night of the rehearsal dinner was my breaking point. I realized I couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t marry you and have such strong feelings for your sister. I was a coward. I should have said something, but I kept thinking it would pass, and when I saw her in her rehearsal dress . . .” I cursed and balled my hands into fists. “I started drinking because that always leads to good decisions, and then when I saw her later that night, I was already on my way to being completely drunk. She helped me back to the house, and I kissed her—kissed her so damn hard it probably terrified her. But she, she kissed me back, and for a few seconds in time I had the girl I’d always wanted, until she shoved me away. She looked at me as if I’d betrayed her. Her eyes said it all—I want you, but not this way.”
I hated the memory of that night.
The mistakes.
“I meant to sneak into Avery’s room to talk about it, to apologize. Stupidly, I didn’t think I would get caught, but I was loud, drunk—and of course Brooke being Brooke just encouraged me, and by the time I realized she wasn’t Avery, it was too late.”
Kayla and I sat in silence for a while. The breeze gently picked up the scent of rain in the air.
“And now you’re pushing her away again,” she finally said.
“The hell?” I blinked. “I’m sorry, did you miss the part of the story where I basically emotionally cheated on my fiancée for over a year? If I cheated on you—”
“You didn’t love me.” Kayla chewed her bottom lip. “Not like that. I can’t remember a time you ever looked at me the way you look at Avery, with this raw devotion that makes the rest of the world fade away.”
My heart felt heavy.
“You need to go after her.”
“I figure she needs time before I start banging down her door.”
Kayla rolled her eyes. “Men are so stupid.”
“Says the girl dressed like a prostitute.”
Kayla glared at me and then burst out laughing. “Lucas, she doesn’t need time—she needs you to chase her, she needs you to be the man she fell for, the confident Lucas Thorn. Don’t shy away from a girl who’s half your size. Grow a pair and chase her. Isn’t that what guys like anyway, the chasing?”
“I think I prefer the catching,” I admitted.
Kayla stood and held out her hand. “Friends?”
I pressed my palm to hers. “Friends.”
We shook, and something clicked into place. All my football games she’d cheered at, all the moments we’d shared—we had been together because we were friends, because it was always like that. I had loved Kayla, but as a friend.
I loved Avery . . .
The way a man is supposed to love a woman, with such blind madness that nothing made sense when she wasn’t in my world.
“Tell my parents—”
“Yeah, yeah.” Kayla waved me off. “I think they’re still trying to make sure Austin doesn’t come back and kill Brooke. But if the drama lessens, I’ll be sure to tell them you went after your girl.”
“Thanks, Kayla.”
Tears filled her eyes as she nodded. “Go get her.”
Chapter Forty-Four
AVERY
I was too sad to be angry.
I really wished I were angry so I could go all Carrie Underwood on his ass, but his stupid car was still at his parents’, and I was pretty sure if I slit his tires the hollow ache in my chest wouldn’t ease. If anything, with my luck, I’d mess that up and somehow get arrested, only to be bailed out by the devil himself.
Austin was a mess. “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, completely aware of my own heartbeat as I tried to steer the conversation toward her and not me.
“He was supposed to be different!” she wailed, slamming her hands against the steering wheel, then swerving into the other lane before righting the car. “He promised!”
I didn’t know what to say. Or how to make her heartache better.
Because we were in the same boat, just on different sides. I was struggling with wanting to trust Lucas with my heart. And Austin was trying not to think of all the ways she could poison Thatch for being unable to keep his wandering eye on lockdown.
“Here.” She tossed me her phone. “I can’t take it anymore. Can you just turn it off?”
“Are you sure?” I studied her closely, seeking assurance that she was serious.
“Positive.” Her lower lip quivered. “You know what sucks?”
With the slide of my finger, I turned the phone off. “What?”