“Wait, I thought he was a tiger?”
She waved me off. “They’re both cats, and the point remains—why would any sane guy choose to settle down when he doesn’t have to? He’s getting the milk and the cow for free.”
“So now I’m fat?”
“I’m leaving. Enjoy the pastry.”
“Enjoy your date,” I grumbled, feeling worse than before, if that was even possible.
As luck would have it.
My day was about to get even better.
My text alert lit up.
Thorn: Mayday! Mayday! RED ALERT!
I rolled my eyes and texted him back.
Me: Stop overreacting and use your words.
Thorn: The mothers.
Really, that’s the only thing a person ever has to say to inflict horror and absolute terror.
Because if I read that text correctly—it was plural.
As in, our mothers. Which meant only one thing. They’d gone beyond a casual phone call and were now planning world domination.
Mine.
His.
Oh dear God.
I texted back slowly.
Me: Apocalypse.
Thorn: We may have to fake our own deaths.
Me: I know people.
Thorn: Meet at office in 5.
Chapter Thirty-Three
LUCAS
“You know, all this pacing isn’t helping—in fact, it’s making me more nervous. Just. Stop. Walking.”
I ignored Avery’s plea and kept going back and forth, back and forth in my office. My phone conversation with my mom had gone something like this:
“Oh, hi, Mom—how’s Dad?”
“The party’s back on!” she squealed. “Bill, stop that! I said stop. Your father! You know how he gets on Thursdays—between you and me, I think it’s because it’s so close to Saturday, and S stands for—”
“MOM!” My ears were bleeding. “What do you mean the party’s back on?” A cold sweat broke out across my forehead.
“The problem I texted about?” She sighed. “Well, I don’t want to get too personal, but Avery’s mother is having a rough time with Brooke being back home, and, well, she needed some cheering up, so . . .”
Just thinking about that bitch Brooke had me ready to ram my fist into a wall. She had always been conniving and manipulative, and I blamed her partly for what happened, even though it was still my mistake.
Between her and Kayla I felt like my head was going to explode.
“Stop that!” Mom giggled like she was swatting something—most likely my father. “Anyways, we talked last week and it was . . . tense, you know? But I saw her on my morning walk this morning. We got to talking again, and it felt so good! Just like old times.”
My heart sank.
“I’ve missed her,” Mom sniffled. “We hugged, and of course the topic of conversation floated over to you and Avery—and I may have hinted that I’d be more than happy to throw a party to celebrate. Not just you two getting together but our families as well.”
Oh hell.
She sighed loudly. “I know you said you guys don’t want to do one and that you are planning a long engagement, but honestly—I don’t know why you wouldn’t want this! It’s a way of righting a wrong, and, well, the minute I told Tess we would host, she burst into tears!”
“From happiness?”
“Well, she sure as heck isn’t sad!” There was a strange rustling sound. “Bill, stop that! Your son’s on the phone.”
“Hi, Dad.”
“Son, you’d understand if you saw what this woman is wearing right now.”
“Please don’t tell me what she’s—”
“Nothing but an apron, son, nothing but an apron.”
“The chicken one?” I winced. “With the giant—”
“Cock on the back.” Dad chuckled. “Oh, son, it’s a glorious day! I think I see the moon!”
“Oh, hush, you!” Mom giggled. “Now, the party’s this Saturday—no backing out. Think of all the people you’re going to make happy! And the best part! EVERYONE is going to be here, even Avery’s grandfather!”
I felt my entire body go numb, and then hot. “Is he?” How the hell did they all put this together so fast?
“Sure, sure, and Kayla too, but Tess said Kayla is really excited for you guys. Isn’t that sweet of her? She actually said, and I’m quoting Tess, ‘They make a lovely couple!’”
“Did she now?” Yeah, I highly doubted those were her exact words, and I was even more convinced that whatever nice thing she might have said, it was with more sarcasm than Tess could possibly comprehend. She didn’t know Kayla the way I did, or Brooke for that matter.
Both had mean streaks that Avery didn’t possess.
I hung up the phone and texted Avery, asking her to meet me in my office in five minutes.
“Do you think she was serious about the party?” Avery asked, chewing the shit out of a green Starbucks straw as she drummed her fingers against the chair. “We could get in a car accident.”
“So we’re back to that?” I groaned. “Back to the whole faking our own deaths scenario.”
Avery stopped chewing the straw. “Kayla, Brooke, Mom, Dad, Grandpa with his guns, and your family of fun, all in one house. Yeah, Thorn, I’m back to death instead. Is that a problem?”
“Hell no,” I growled.
I was having the damnedest time concentrating, what with the way Avery was sitting, her black pencil skirt hiked up around her thighs. She wasn’t wearing nylons, just really high nude-colored shoes that reminded me of what her pink skin looked like beneath the clothes.