If she’d been the mother we should’ve had, none of this life would’ve happened. AJ would’ve been alive. Andrea and I would have grown up knowing each other. But then there was Carter.
I glanced over my shoulder as he waited for me. I might not have known him. No. He was my soul, the other half of me. I had to believe we would’ve found our way to each other, even if things had been different. And gazing at him now, I knew that would’ve happened. Somehow. Some way. At some point, we would’ve found each other.
But life had turned out the way it had, bringing me right to where I now sat, watching a stranger who never should have been one.
Carter had awakened me this morning and told me there was something I needed to see. I didn’t question him. I got out of bed, dressed, and followed him to the car. The guys hadn’t come with us. Michael, Peter, and Drake opted to spend time with their families, so they weren’t with us for the week. Carter was really out of that life, so they weren’t needed as much as before. For a few days alone, just Carter and me, we’d get by just fine.
“That’s my mother?” I asked now, but I knew. I think I just needed to hear it affirmed out loud.
“Yes.” Carter nodded. “My guy notified me she was coming here today.”
“How’d she find his grave?”
“I had her told.”
“What?”
“She was my other reason for returning home when you were in New York. I had my investigator research your sister fully, and he found your mother. I meant to tell you earlier, but I needed to know what she was like. She abused you, Emma. I couldn’t bear it if she hurt you again. I didn’t talk to her, but I saw her. My investigator talked to her. He told her about AJ. She asked about him. She asked about you. He was instructed not to give her any information about you, but I told him he could share this with her.”
He had known...I was glad he hadn’t told me. “Why did you tell her about this?”
He looked at me, his eyes searching mine. “Because AJ told me he wanted her to know.”
My breath caught in my throat. “He did?”
“A long time ago he did. He used to talk about your mom when he was drunk. I thought she was dead, so I never thought about what he was saying, but he said someday he’d meet with her again.”
“What else did he say? If he ever met her again?”
“That he would forgive her.” Carter’s blue eyes darkened, and the sides of his mouth stretched tight. “I thought he was just rambling. That’s what he did when he was drunk. If I’d thought your mom was alive, I would’ve found her a long time ago for you.”
“No.” I reached for his hand. Finding out about Andrea was enough, but this, but her—I didn’t want to know her now. “It’s good that he would’ve forgiven her, but I’m not going out there.”
“Emma?”
I shook my head. “I’m not. I can’t.” I looked at him. “I don’t want to know her.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. “She had her chance. I don’t remember what she did to me, and I don’t think I want to. If my memories are blocked, there’s a reason for that, but I can’t get over what she did to AJ. She kicked him out. I don’t care what AJ did, he stuck around. He still took care of me. He fought for me. She didn’t. Any woman like that, I don’t want to meet. She doesn’t deserve to know her daughter.” My pulse quickened, and I closed my eyes. She’d kicked AJ out. She tossed away one child, let another go with her father, and me she treated more like a toy than a human being. I wouldn’t meet her. This was a door I wasn’t going to open. “I can’t, Carter. I don’t want to.”
He laced our fingers. “You don’t have to.”
“You said you didn’t talk to her? When you came to find her before?”
“I didn’t, but my investigator did. He said she was pleasant. She’s been sober for a few years, and she’s lived a hard life. He said she was polite, but he could tell she had demons still with her.”
I leaned back, resting my head against my seat as I turned to face him. Carter let out a soft sigh and touched the side of my face. He tucked some of my hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering there, just resting on my cheek. It was such a tender caress, and I closed my eyes. I drew strength from him. I would always draw strength from him, and I knew what he was doing.
He was allowing me closure. Meeting my mother was the last door to my old life. In a way it was still open because of all the questions Andrea had awakened inside me, but being here now, all I could think about was what she did to my brother, what she’d done to me.
“AJ was a child then,” I told Carter softly.
His thumb rubbed back and forth over my cheek. I knew he was waiting for me to go on. He knew I had more to say.
“Whatever he did, he was a child,” I told him. “He was an innocent, and she turned him away. She may be a changed woman, but I have no obligation to her. I don’t have to forgive her. There’s nothing to forgive. I don’t need to know her, and I don’t need to remember whatever she did to me.”
“Okay.”
That was it. Carter leaned close and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “You can do whatever you want,” he whispered, his lips grazing my forehead. “If you want to meet your mother at some time, I’ll be there. I’m with you. If you want to get to know Andrea’s father more, and her mother, I’m with you. You can decide. Everything is in your court.”