If she were ten years older, though…
I smile to myself, finally feeling like I got my head back on straight. I twist the key, starting the engine, and pull out of the lot, making my way home.
I’m glad I didn’t try to get out of the site right away at five. And all in all, I did well. I was the one who stopped things last night, right? Twice? I have a moral compass, and while it wavered, it found true north. Eventually.
And I’m only human. Would anyone not notice how beautiful she is?
I blow out a breath, turning on the radio as I coast into town and wind through the neighborhood streets.
I need a date. I’ll just twist, wind, and mold what happened with Jordan last night as some six-minute fluke under the full moon and go back to being…her, like…elder and shit. Just a responsible adult she relies on for guidance. That’s it.
She’s not a woman, she’s not experienced in the world, and I’m not the man who’s going to marry her or give her kids. I have no right to her.
I take a deep breath, feeling ready, and pull onto my street and up into my driveway. It’s just after six, Jordan’s VW is here, but that doesn’t mean she is. I told her not to drive it yet, but she could be with her sister.
I park and grab my lunch box before climbing out of the cab. Reaching into the back, I pull out my tool belt and swing it over my shoulder, walking across the lawn to the porch stairs.
But I see something out of the corner of my eye and turn my head, seeing Kyle Cramer’s house. Jordan is stepping out of his front door, followed by Kyle who hands her a piece of paper and smiles down at her.
She continues to inch away, but she smiles back and jerks her thumb toward my place, and they both exchange a few words and nod. Turning away from him, she walks my way, and my gaze flashes to him still standing behind her, seeing his eyes roam her backside.
My lungs fill with heat, and instinct starts to kick in. Don’t even try it, asshole.
She approaches, looking up and slowing for only a second when she sees me.
I jerk my chin, keeping my tone even. “What was that all about?”
She blinks, walking up the porch steps. “Oh, he, uh…he has his kids tonight,” she says, “but he forgot he had a baseball game, so he asked me to watch them. I said yes. He was just running through the house and procedures with me.”
“Why you?” I follow her.
She glances back at me, and I realize that sounded rude.
“I mean, he must have babysitters lined up already,” I add. “I was just curious why he asked you.”
“I don’t know.” She shrugs and grabs her bag, checking to make sure she has what she needs. “Probably because I’m right next door, and he thinks I’m still into pocket money,” she jokes. “It’s fine. Really. I have nothing else to do. I’ll be back late, okay?”
Late? The games are over by ten.
He must be joining the team at the bar afterward.
And then the degenerate’s going to come home drunk, to a barely legal, hot babysitter.
Fuck no.
She moves for the door, swinging the pack on her shoulder, and I take a step.
“Wait…” I say.
She turns, but her eyes only drift over me, never staying too long.
She’s trying to avoid me.
“If you want,” I broach gently, “you can just bring the kids over here. They can swim.”
She finally meets my eyes, and I notice hers are red. She’s unhappy, but she’s trying to hide it. Jesus.
She shakes her head, looking apologetic. “You just got off work. You want to relax, and they’ll be noisy.”
She drops her gaze again, looking nervous.
Is it me or is it something else? I did the right thing last night. I don’t want her to feel rejected, because she’d make any guy the luckiest man in the world.
Someday.
Maybe she’s not angry I stopped it, though. Maybe she’s upset it happened at all.
I take another step, lowering my voice like I’m afraid the neighbors can hear us. “Are you mad at me?” I ask her.
She pops her eyes up, answering quickly. “No.” And then she searches for her words. “I’m just trying to sort through some…things in my head.”
I can see tears welling in her eyes, and I hurt everywhere. Why do I always want to hold her so much?
She bows her head, trying to hide the tears she can’t stop, and I step up to her and only hesitate a moment before putting my hand on the side of her face. My fingers wrap around the back of her head, and she doesn’t push me away.
“I’m here, okay?” I whisper. “Nothing’s changed. I still love the smell of your candles and the sound of your music in the house.” I pause and then add, “Although I’m not a huge fan of the cucumber wraps you snuck into my lunch yesterday.”
She breaks into a quiet laugh, her shoulders shaking.
I rub her cheek with my thumb. “I’m not going anywhere.”
And I pull her in, hugging her to my chest and just wanting nothing more than to protect her and give her every damn thing she doesn’t have.
I wrap my free arm around her, and after a moment she gives in and snakes her arms around me, too, melting into me. We hold each other so tight that I don’t know if I’m holding her up or she’s holding me up, but for a moment, I’m afraid I’ll fall if I let her go.
“Bring ’em over,” I tell her. “It’ll take the pressure off you having to entertain them. I’ll get the floaties ready and order some pizza.”
She pulls back, sniffling, but there are no more tears pouring out of her eyes and she quirks a half-smile.
“Kids like cheese only,” she says, an air of peace settling back in her expression.
“Yeah, I remember.” I think Cole still likes cheese-only, actually.
She drops her bag by the door where it was before and casts me a look before leaving, an understanding settling between us. I’m not here to hurt her.
And providing I can stay the hell off her better than I did last night, then I won’t.
“I can’t do it!” Jensen yells, water dribbling off his lips.
The seven-year-old treads water, the goggles huge on his face. Below him, three dive rings stand upright on the bottom of the pool, and after I got him brave enough to hold onto my neck while I dived down to retrieve them, I thought it’s time he try.
Cramer is a twat, but his kids aren’t bad.
“Try to go feet first then,” I tell him. “Here, put your face in and watch me.”
The pool only goes to six feet, but I swim anyway, putting myself above the rings. Jordan is in the shallow end with Ava, who’s only two, and showing her how to blow bubbles in the water. I was relieved to see her come out in a more conservative bikini than that damn sea shell one, but I’m not finding the no-cleavage halter top of this one any easier to take, unfortunately.
“Ready?” I say, tearing my eyes off her soaked hair plastered to her back and look at Jensen.
He nods, like his head is too much weight for his body, and I suck in a breath, launch up, and then fall feet first to the bottom of the pool, releasing air as I descend and pushing the water up with my hands.
My feet hit the floor, I grab a ring, and I push myself back up to the surface, taking in another deep breath. He pops his head out of the water, sputtering a little water.
“Did you see?” I ask, wiping my eye. “I let out bubbles and pushed the water up above me, and it helped me sink to the bottom.”
He nods again.
“Wanna try?”
He shakes his head.
I laugh, slicking my hair back. “Okay. Another time then.”
Just then, a stream of water pummels my back, and I look over my shoulder, seeing Jordan shooting me with a squirt gun. The little girl on her hip laughs, and Jordan scrunches up her nose, making a battle-ready face and aiming the water at my head. I jerk away, hearing the little girl cracking up behind me.
“I want one!” Jensen rushes for the side of the pool and grabs one of the Super Soakers Dutch left when he brought his kids over one day last summer. I grab the other one, and all of us start filling up our weapons, Jordan giving hers to the toddler and getting another for herself.
For the next ten minutes, we barely stop to take a breath as we laugh, attack, and dart around the pool to escape the onslaught. Everyone turns on each other, the baby shooting Jordan right in the eye, and Jensen hitting me in the head.
I grab the baby, using her for mock cover, and Jordan squeals, diving under the water to escape shots coming from Jensen, Ava, and me.
The boy eventually pushes himself up on a step to sit, and both Jordan and I are breathing hard from the exertion. I set the baby on the deck, and she walks over to the picnic table and starts munching on watermelon. Jensen joins her, taking another slice of leftover pizza.
Déjà vu hits me. I’m surprised I still have the energy for this. Seems like ages ago I was trying to teach Cole how to swim and letting him bring his first girlfriend over in middle school while I covertly kept an eye on them from inside the house. This wasn’t as stressful as I remember it being, though. Maybe because I’m older.
Or maybe because it’s easier when there are two adults wrangling the kids instead of one. I actually had fun tonight.
I watch Jordan as she hops up onto the pool deck and sits with her legs still dangling in the water. Taking each water gun, she empties and shakes them out, setting them aside.
The duality of her swimsuit has the coils in my brain twisting tighter and tighter, and I’m so confused. She wears black on the bottom. Adult, sexy, and beautiful against her tanned skin. And pink on the top. Innocent, sweet, and entirely Jordan, because she can be such a girly-girl.
Her thighs, toned and smooth, and the cute, studious expression on her face as she furrows her brow and concentrates on her task. Everything about her is young.
Except her eyes.
Eyes that can be so patient, because she’s had years of practice being disappointed, but eyes that can also be angry, because you know shit has been hitting the fan in her life since day one and hasn’t eased up one bit.