She turned and grabbed a cup. “I got it. Stay seated.”
I watched her fix my cup. “Cream or sugar?”
“No thanks.”
She handed it to me. “There you go.”
I started to say more when banging on the door downstairs made us both pause. Lila frowned and we waited then. Soon after, it happened again. She moved the skillet off the eye of the stove. “I think someone is at the door.”
“I’ll check,” I said standing up. “You’re in the middle of all that.”
“Okay thank you,” she replied and went back to finishing the bacon.
I was almost down the stairs when I realized who I was about to greet at the door. It was a gut thing. I should have expected him to return after last night. Lila had been so busy looking back at Cruz that she hadn’t realized I checked to see what had her attention. The guy stayed there awhile. Her not going to him was a bold move but I still thought she was weak. Him coming here this morning wasn’t good.
But this wasn’t my decision to make.
When I crossed the studio and got to the double doors of the entrance, there he was. Exactly who I expected. Looking like he’d drank a fifth of whiskey and hadn’t slept a wink.
I wanted to leave his ass out there. Safely away from Lila. From hurting her even more. But then she could have a reason to be mad at me. I wasn’t here to protect her. At least not from this.
“Cruz,” I said as I opened the door.
He pushed by me and headed for the back door that led to the apartment. I’d been right about the whiskey—he reeked of it. This wasn’t what she needed. He didn’t seem to give a shit though.
“Are you trying to crush her?” I asked still standing at the door wishing he’d walk back out of it. He stopped and waited a beat before glaring back at me.
“You don’t know shit. She doesn’t love you. You’re the fucking bandage.” The hate in his tone was a bit alarming.
I shrugged. I wasn’t affected by his hate and I wasn’t scared of him. He was built. Tall. But he was hung over, and I had the upper hand. “I know she’s hurting. She’s trying to heal. But you won’t let her. You keep ripping her open again and again.”
He stared at me. Like he would like to murder me with his bare hands. I didn’t move. I didn’t want to fight the guy. Lila wouldn’t be happy about it.
“I’m not good enough for her. Why can’t she see that?” He sounded pained. Less anger more regret.
“I think she can. But can you?”
His hate flared back to life. “I love her. I would die for her. Take a fucking bullet for her. Can you say that? You barely know her. I’ve known her all my life. Loved her most of it. I just didn’t want to.” As he said the words, I could see the shock in his eyes. He surprised himself. I doubted he’d ever admitted that out loud.
“You have a funny way of showing love,” I told him.
He ran his hands through his hair and the wild look in his eyes was a man that was wrecked. “She’s destroyed me. I am fucking ruined. I need her. I’m so damn addicted to her I can’t function. I can’t stand her being with you. That you or someone like you will be the right one. Good enough. That she’ll belong to another man. I can’t fucking stand it!” he ended that with a roar and pulled at his hair like a man possessed.
“You’ve had too much to drink. Go home. Sleep it off. Think this through and if you still want to come back.”
He shook his head. “I can’t leave. Not with you up there with her.”
This was worse than I thought. She was in love with a psycho. Why was no one in her life concerned about this? The guy needed some mental help.
“If you love her then be the man she deserves. This,” I said waving my hand at him. “Is not that man. You’re a fucking mess.”
He glared at me and started toward me. His fists were clenched at his sides, so I prepare to defend myself. I hated to hit a drunk man, but I wasn’t going to let him kick my ass either.
“Cruz!” Lila’s voice stopped him. I looked over his shoulder to see her standing there. So innocent and sweet. This madman she was in love with didn’t match up well at all.
He paused then turned to her. “Lila.”
The tears in her eyes weren’t falling yet, but they were there. Unshed.
“What are you doing?” she asked sounding like a teacher put out with an unruly student.
“I love you,” he said.
Her tears broke free then. “I heard.”
They stood there staring at each other. I walked around them and back upstairs to get my things. I didn’t belong here. Not now.
Cruz Kerrington
FIGHTING THIS WAS impossible. I’d tried. I had tried so damn hard. But I couldn’t. Was I good enough for Lila Kate? No. Did she know all my dark secrets? No. Would she love me if she knew? Probably not. She’d hate me. I didn’t want her to hate me.
She turned and grabbed Eli’s arm as he came back downstairs with his bag. His staying the night here had been the last straw. I’d cracked. My chest exploding would have hurt less than seeing her with him last night. Eating fucking ice cream, walking around town like a couple. I couldn’t stomach it. I knew after that I had to do something.
“Just let me talk to him. You don’t have to go,” she said to Eli.
“Yeah, he does,” I argued.
She frowned at me. “No, he doesn’t.”
“Yes, I do,” he said saving me from having to argue with her. Because his ass needed to go back to fucking Alabama and stay there. “This,” he said pointing between Lila Kate and me. “This needs resolving. I’m in the way, and honestly, I don’t want to watch any more of the train wreck.”
I took a step toward him my hands balling into fists. Lila Kate was in front of me before I could take two steps. Both her hands on my chest. “Cruz. Don’t. Just go upstairs. Please.”
Her big beautiful eyes were telling me to go upstairs . . . to her apartment. That meant I wasn’t the one leaving. So I backed away and nodded.
“Thank you,” she whispered as if he couldn’t hear her.
“Don’t touch her,” I warned him making sure he understood I’d find his ass. I’d track him down and make sure neither of his hands worked again.
“Cruz, please,” Lila Kate begged.
I turned and walked to the back door only glancing back once.
“I’m sorry about all this,” she told him. “I never expected him to come here.”
“But you’re glad he did,” Eli replied.
“Yes,” she said without hesitation.
I left them. She wanted me. She wasn’t begging him to stay. Proclaiming she loved him. Crying over him. I hadn’t lost her yet. It wasn’t too late for us. I would worry about my secrets later. The shit I still had to end. Deal with. I’d handle it. For now, I just needed Lila Kate.
The smell of bacon filled the apartment when I reached the top stair. The large area was a great space. Open, roomy, and Lila Kate had put her touch on it. I smiled at all the reds and yellows. She loved bright colors. Somehow, she made colors that I normally wouldn’t care for attractive.
There were pancakes on the bar along with blueberries and bacon. She had made him breakfast. Jealousy ate at me. The only thing keeping me sane was the fact the sofa bed was out and used. They hadn’t slept together. The idea of them wrapped up together last night had been what sent me to drinking. At one point, I’d drunk enough that I’d passed out. Only slept three hours before I was awake again tortured over the idea of them together.
I picked up a piece of bacon and ate it, then went to see if there was milk in the fridge. I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten all night, and the more I thought about Lila Kate cooking all this for Eli, the more I wanted to eat it. Take what he thought was his. It was mine first, dammit.
“I can’t keep doing this with you, Cruz,” Lila Kate said the moment she entered the apartment. She wasn’t crying anymore. She was more intense. Serious. “This is messing with my head. I’m a wreck. That guy you just ran off is a good guy. He’s sweet and kind. He likes me. He doesn’t need women everywhere to fawn over him to make him feel like a man. He is perfect. Completely perfect. So why is it that the moment you show up I forget all that? Why can’t you see that this is ruining me? This back and forth.” Her hands were on her hips, and she was keeping her distance. I wanted her here with me. Eating this food. Smiling at me. Up on this bar with her legs spread while I fucked her. There was a lot I wanted from her. But only one thing was important.