“Five.” He ticked them off on his fingers. “Product development. Marketing. Packaging. Corporate.”
“You said five. That’s only four.”
Agent Jones held up one finger — “Product” — then another — “Development. We’re here.”
The doors opened into an open room divided by half-wall cubicles and desks. The employees clapped and cheered as the girls came through, and it was almost like walking up the aisles of the hotel ballrooms where most of the girls had performed in various pageants.
“Thanks,” Nicole said. She smiled and waved, but it felt odd, like laughing at a joke you no longer found all that funny.
They entered a conference room where Harris sat at a computer. On the wall above his head was a flat-screen TV. A table and chairs dominated the center of the room.
“Hey! You girls smell a lot better — no offense. Have a seat.”
The girls settled into the big black chairs.
“Those babies cost five thousand dollars a pop,” Harris said. “Ergonomically correct.”
“Oh,” Tiara said, sitting uncertainly. “Springy.”
“Somebody special wants to talk to you,” Agent Jones said. “Harris?”
Harris clicked on the screen and Ladybird Hope appeared, wearing a red suit with a flag pin on the lapel. Her hair had been styled into a poufy twist. She waved and her charm bracelet rattled.
“Hello, Miss Teen Dreamers! I cannot tell you how happy I personally am to see you. I told the world, I said, ‘Don’t you count my girls out. A Miss Teen Dream never gives up. She’s a bright light in the world!’”
The girls were overcome. Ladybird Hope!
“What do you think of my new suit?” Ladybird asked.
The girls agreed that it was very nice. They were still dazed from the rescue and all that had come after. They talked excitedly, telling Ladybird everything that had happened to them since the crash, about how they, Miss Teen Dreams, had risen above and survived. No. More than survived. Thrived.
Tiara beamed with pride. “Like for our huts, we used engineering and physics. And interior decorating.”
“Well, isn’t that a kick in the head? That’s pretty darn cute.”
Tiara felt like she wanted to say something to Ladybird. She wanted to tell her that it wasn’t cute. It was awesome. And smart. And really cool that they’d managed to do it all together, without any help from anybody. But these people were here to rescue her, and she didn’t want to make waves. So she said, “I put flowers in mine.”
Ladybird gave her two thumbs up and smiled. “Fan-tas-tic!”
Tiara knew she should feel good that she made everyone smile like when she was little and did her sparkle h*ps and blew kisses. But she didn’t. She felt like a sellout.
“The good folks at The Corporation there are gonna give y’all a little tour and let you test our new beauty products, and then I have a super surprise for all my Teen Dreamers.” Ladybird Hope paused for dramatic effect. “We would like for you to stage the pageant right there on the island. Isn’t that something?”
The girls exchanged puzzled looks.
“It’ll be a real tribute to what you girls have been through, to let the world see how you triumphed. We think the folks back home would love it. It might be the highest-rated show ever. You girls will be famous!”
“Well, we were kind of hoping to go home as soon as possible …” Adina started.
Ladybird Hope’s expression changed to one of disapproval. “Well. Of course, if that’s what you want. I would just think that you would want to say a big thank-you to the folks who rescued you and be a credit to girls everywhere. But if you don’t want to, we’ll just cancel the pageant this year.”
“No, we’ll do it,” Miss Ohio said.
Ladybird smiled. “Terrific! Oh, I’m so happy. Don’t you worry, it’s going to be great,” Ladybird assured them with a wink.
“When?” Nicole asked.
“Tomorrow night,” Ladybird answered.
“And we could tell them all the stuff we’ve learned about eating grubs and safe sex and vaginas,” Tiara said.
Petra grinned. “Tiara, you said the V word. Gimme five.”
“That would blow their little minds, wouldn’t it?” Jennifer said with a smirk. “Hello, America. My new platform is Kicking Ass, Girl-Style.”
“My goodness, I don’t know what you girls are talking about, but it hurts my ears! So stop it,” Ladybird Hope chided. She put a hand to her heart. “You know what? America needs you girls. It’s no secret the world’s as messed up as a hockey game played on non-Zambonied ice right now. It needs you to smile and wave and remind us that we are a great nation full of pretty. And that we will not allow any threats to our pretty. No matter what.”
On the screen, Ladybird Hope leaned closer to the camera. The angle was not kind. There was a pronounced ridge in her top lip from too much filler. “Now. You Dreams have a nice lunch, and then I believe you need to go shopping.”
45Alexandra’s Clandestine Closet, the number-one lingerie store, whose most popular undergarment is the Bicycle Pump-assiereTM, a bra with built-in tires that can be pumped up to simulate any cup size.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Mary Lou’s throat hurt from screaming, but no one could hear her down in this cave near the ocean. She and Tane had been tied together and dangled from a hook, which was slowly lowering them over a piranha-filled tank. Below their feet, the ugly, sharp-toothed fish darted back and forth, waiting to take the two of them down to bones. The rope gave a jerk as it lowered another half inch. A piranha leapt, startling Mary Lou, who screamed.
“You all right?” Tane called.
“Yeah. Those things creep me out. Are you okay?”
“Other than being lowered to my death, yes.”
“At least we’re together.”
“True. But I wish you weren’t here. I wish it were just me and you were safe.”
“Awww, so sweet!” The rope jerked again. “Aaaaahh!”
“At least we’re getting a fancy, Greek mythology–style death. They could have just given us quick bullets to the head. Now we get to die in style,” Tane said.
“Was that supposed to be comforting? Because, no offense, it wasn’t.”
“Nah. I always hated those stories anyway. It’s like, any time a human tries to break out and take action for him-or herself, the gods punish that person. Like Prometheus — he brings Zeus’s fire back from the mountain. He enlightens mankind, and so they chain him to a rock and an eagle eats his liver every day.”
“My mom tried to get me to eat liver at Rita’s Cafeteria one time. I wrapped it in my napkin and flushed it down the toilet.” A piranha surfaced. It snapped its teeth. “Yikes. Okay. Need distraction. Tell me another story.”
“Princess Andromeda was chained to a rock as a virgin sacrifice to stop Poseidon’s sea monster from devouring everything.”
“Wow. They really liked the rock-death thingy,” Mary Lou said. “What did she do wrong?”
“Nothing. Poseidon was punishing her mother for bragging about her daughter’s beauty.”
“There we are with the braggy again,” Mary Lou said. “So, Andromeda didn’t even do anything wrong and she ended up in the ocean? Why?”
“They needed a virgin sacrifice. But then Perseus came and saved her.”
“Because the pure girls get rescued.” Mary Lou felt something she didn’t let herself feel often: She was well and truly pissed off. “Why do girls have to be all pure and innocent and good? Why don’t guys have to be?”
“No argument here. I always thought it was pretty silly.”
“If I weren’t about to die, I would totally rewrite that.”
“If I weren’t about to be eaten by piranhas, I would tell you that I love you.”
Mary Lou smiled. “You can still tell me that.”
“Okay. I love you.”
“Even though I’m a wild girl who likes sex and adventure? Even though I’m not a pure and chaste princess who needs rescuing? Well, technically, I do need rescuing. We both do. But that’s not the point.”
“I love you for who you are, not for who the world thinks you should be.”
Tane stretched his hand through the ropes as far as it would go. He was just able to grasp the tips of Mary Lou’s fingers. Mary Lou’s eyes filled with tears. “Wouldn’t you know, just when I feel okay about myself and find a cool guy, I’m gonna be killed off.” The rope jerked harder this time, and both Tane and Mary Lou reacted. It swung out a bit, bringing them close to the ledge. Mary Lou could almost touch it with her feet. She had an idea.
“When my sister and I were kids, we used to have this old tire swing, and we’d swing out over this creek every day in the summer.”
“Seems an odd time for reminiscing, but go on.”
“See, we’d hold on and swing really hard and try to make it to the other side. If we use our weight, I’ll bet we could reach that ledge.”
“Dunno. That rope’s a bit dodgy. Could snap if we pull too hard, and then we’re piranha food.”
“We’re piranha food if we don’t. I don’t know about you, but if I’m gonna be chained to a rock by the gods, I’d rather go out as the person who brought fire back from the mountain than as a pure princess who didn’t have the sense to say to everyone, “Oh, hell no, you are not sacrificing me to some sea monster!”
“You’ve got a point. Let’s do it.”
Mary Lou wasn’t sure if her plan would work. Plenty of times, she and Annie had fallen right into the cold creek. But it was worth a try. It took a second to get it — Mary Lou went right when Tane swung left and they twirled around in a dizzying circle for a second. But then they got the rhythm. They pendulumed from side to side. Below, the piranhas zipped about in a frenzy. Overhead, the rope frayed with its next sharp drop, and Mary Lou screamed. But she did not stop swaying. Her feet scrambled at the ledge, scraping rock into the water.