Home > Bad Boy Blues(15)

Bad Boy Blues(15)
Author: Saffron A. Kent

“Stop talking.”

“What?”

Tina puts her hands on my shoulders. “Just stop. You’re not going to put the fear of God in children, okay? Take a deep breath.”

“What?”

“Do it.”

“Fine. Here.” One deep breath later, “You happy?”

“Not particularly. But I think this will do. Now, repeat after me: My name is Cleo and I’m going to live my life.”

When I purse my lips at her she glares at me.

“My name is Cleo,” I parrot the words. “And I’m going to live my life.”

“And I’m going to try to find happiness for myself.”

I grit my teeth. “And I’m going to try to find happiness for myself. But. I can’t go.” When it looks like she’s going to protest, I almost shout, “You know why.”

“Why?”

“Are you seriously asking me this?”

“Yes.”

“I can’t go because.” I look at the ceiling. “I can’t get into a car.”

“Okay?”

“What’s wrong with you? I cannot get into a car. I throw up, remember? I get claustrophobic. I can’t… My parents died in a car crash. I haven’t touched my car, the car that I used to freaking love, in a year now. How do you think I’m going to get to this date? Ryan’s going to want to pick me up and I just can’t.”

Tina’s looking at me like I’m crazy. “That’s not even.” She throws up her hands. “That’s not even an excuse. Take the bus.”

Legit point.

“But –”

“No. No buts. You’re going out with Ryan. End of discussion.”

“I –”

“Look, you can’t stop living, Cleo. You can’t. Remember what you told me about Neal? Why you went out with him in the first place?”

I stubbornly remain silent.

“You went out with him because you wanted to know what it felt like. What it felt like to be in love with a boy. Because all you ever felt for a guy was hate. Look what happened last night, Cleo. You blew up. You have so much anger and sadness inside you because of what happened to you at St. Patrick’s. You need to move on.”

Tears fill my eyes and I don’t know how to stop them.

“Ever since Zach came back, you’ve been jumpy. You’ve been consumed by him. All you ever do is think about him and what he’s going to do to you. What you can do to him. He’s the only thing on your mind.”

 She’s right.

The guy I hate is the only thing on my mind. He’s the first thing I think about when I open my eyes in the morning. He’s the last thing I see when I close them. He doesn’t even leave me alone in my dreams.

It’s worse than what it was at St. Patrick’s. When school was over, I got to cross the line and go back home. That invisible line between the south side and the north protected me from him.

But now I live where he lives.

There’s this constant awareness of him being around. My heart’s always ready to pound at the slightest smell of him. The butterflies are flapping their sharp wings, making me bleed on the inside. My lungs are always on the verge of losing air.

I’m obsessed with him, with the way I hate him, with the way he makes me feel.

“I don’t know…”

“I’m not blaming you,” Tina says. “I never blamed you. He’s the asshole. He’s the bad guy in this situation. The bully. But don’t you think it’s time to just let it go? Don’t let him win, Cleo. Don’t let him ruin even the slightest chance you have of finding love or even going on an awesome date. Ryan is amazing. Your parents loved him, remember? Go. Live your life. You deserve happiness. You deserve to dull the pain. You deserve to fall in love.”

I do.

I certainly, certainly do.

When Zach left, I could’ve dated. Not that people were asking me out on dates at St. Patrick’s but still. He wasn’t there to ruin it for me. I could’ve kissed and made out, even lost my virginity. I could’ve done all those things but I never did. For some reason, it never even entered my mind.

But Tina’s right. Again.

I deserve to fall in love and find out what my parents had. They were so in love with each other. Like disgustingly in love, and I always thought that one day I’d find someone to be crazy in love with too.

Smiling, I wipe off my tears and nod. But before I can say anything, my gaze falls on him.

The guy we’ve been talking about.

Somehow, I forgot that this is where his room is. Which is stupid because we were going to do the windows right by it.

Zach’s leaning against the doorjamb with his arms folded across his chest, his eyes on me.

He’s sweaty and the only article of clothing on his body is a pair of track pants. They hang so low that they show more than they hide. Namely, that deep V of his sculpted pelvis. But the worst and most disturbing thing is a hint of the dark tuft of hair that disappears under the waistband.

I don’t want to think where it leads and how long he’s been standing there or if he heard any of the conversation Tina and I had.

And neither do I want to think about the piece of gossip that traveled this morning, alongside my midnight meltdown.

He was so scary, I swear. And then, he looked at me and said escort her out; she’s drunk. Oh and you can’t forget the last thing he said to her: don’t come back here uninvited. It was the most perfect moment. He was perfect. He totally defended you, Cleo.

Grace, who rarely gossips or gets animated about anything, was telling everyone about it at the morning meeting – animatedly – and all I could do was listen to it as I grew breathless.

He defended me. My bully defended me.

It’s impossible. I don’t believe it.

But I can’t stop myself from growing breathless again. Because he’s walking toward me.

Slow, loose steps.

I would think his walk was casual. But his eyes, which are trained on me, make everything predatory.

Something from deep within me makes me take a step back like I’m really his prey. A good, little prey, running away from the predator like I should.

Tina notices my distractedness and turns around to see what’s causing it. She grabs hold of my arm to stop me from stepping back but I tell her to leave.

“What?”

“You should go,” I tell her again, looking away from Zach, who’s still advancing on me, and at her. “I can handle this.”

“But Cleo –”

“I’ll be fine.”

Zach’s hovering over us now, or rather me. He hasn’t spared Tina a glance but he addresses her, still staring at me. “She’s right. She’ll be fine. Get lost.”

Tina swallows as he looks up at him. “If you do something –”

“Bedbugs,” he rasps. “I need to talk to her about bedbugs. Now, beat it.”

I swallow too but for Tina’s sake, I give her a small smile. “Go have a break. I’ll come get you in a bit.”

With one last look at the both of us, Tina leaves.

And then, it’s just me and him.

Zach resumes his advancing and I resume moving back.

Why do I keep moving back like I’m afraid of him? Like I can’t take him on.

Finally, I hit the wall.

My spine feels the rough, cool bricks and I look to my right. The corridor is deserted. This isn’t as isolated as the bathtub was but it still feels like a dark, shady alley.

Zach comes to a stop right in front of me, his ropy muscles all magnified and somehow, more enhanced than a few days ago when I saw him naked. He puts both his arms on either side of my head, looming over me.

He’s so close that I can see the sweat glistening on his brow. “What do you want?”

“Your dress,” he says and I claw my nails at the wall. “Is it going to be okay?”

I wasn’t expecting this. I wasn’t expecting him to talk about my ruined nightie.

It was the most perfect moment. He was perfect. He totally defended you, Cleo.

“Nightie,” I tell him in a voice that matches his, for some reason. Then, I clear my throat. “It’s called a nightie. And kinda. I mean, I’m looking into it. Red wine stains are almost impossible to get out.”

Zach acknowledges the statement with a subtle nod of his head and a lazy sweep of his eyes over my face. “Maggie should know what to do.”

Oh yeah, I thought of that too. She’s good with home remedies and stuff. But I’m not going to share my plan with him.

Why are we even having this conversation?

“Ashley,” I blurt out instead. “I, uh, I heard that you sent her away. Grace was happy about it.”

“I don’t know a Grace.”

“She works for you. For your family. She’s the one you told to escort your girlfriend out.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Then, a moment later, “She wishes, though.”

God, the arrogance. Like every girl on this planet wants to be with him.

Not me, though.

Never me.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

Why is she not your girlfriend?

“Why did you send her away?” I ask, squeakily. “I-I mean, it’s great that you did. She’s a grade-A bitch. No offense to your choice of company or anything.” I hold up my finger. “Actually, on second thought, I was trying to be offensive. So yeah, you should take offense. Anyway, I’m happy about it. You know, that you sent her away. Like Grace and everyone else. Not that it matters that I’m happy. I mean, why would it? I think, it’s actually the opposite. It’s like… my unhappiness is what you live for, right?”

Gosh, I have no idea where I’m going with this. What am I saying? All I know is that my heart’s beating really fast and he’s super close and somehow, all I can hear right now is Grace’s voice.

   
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