I wanted to slap that self-satisfied smirk right off Grey's face. I wanted to kiss him until neither of us could breathe. Instead, I laughed out loud, shaking my head. “You're a real pain in the...the hindquarters, you know that, right?”
Grey shrugged, still grinning. “I try my best,” he said. “I've got to go into the office for a little while. I probably won't be back in time for dinner. Feel free to order takeout or help yourself to whatever's in the fridge.”
I nodded. Some time alone would do me good. In fact... “I was thinking me and Maple could go for a swim, if that's okay.”
“Of course. You guys deserve a little fun. Just make sure you lock all the doors and keep your cell handy.”
My eyes flitted around the room and my chest tightened again.
“Hey,” he murmured, reaching out to stroke my cheek. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just overprotective. Now that I have you here ...” His voice went stiff and he paused. “You’ll be safe here, I promise.”
I believed him. Every last word. And for a person who was normally pretty stoic, I was turning into a fucking waterworks factory. Blinking back tears, I simply nodded.
* * *
After I watched his SUV back out into the street and disappear, I dressed myself and Maple in our new swimsuits, fitted a pair of water wings over her arms, and took her downstairs. She ran in clumsy, excited circles around me as I walked out into the backyard and unlatched the pool's gate.
We sat down to play on the steps of the shallow end. The late summer sun warmed my hair and shoulders as the cool water lapped around my legs. Its chlorine smell reminded me of childhood swimming lessons in the city pool. Just beyond the back fence, I could hear the tall wild grasses rustling in the breeze, like the open range itself was shushing my fears. With a giddy, gap-toothed grin, Maple kicked and slapped at the water, letting out joyful squeals. Her baby giggles were contagious and I found myself smiling and laughing along with her.
Within half an hour, I felt like a different person. Fun, relaxed, carefree. I wished I could be this version of myself more often. I hated that I'd been so stressed out and angry and tearful for so long. Grey was right—Maple deserved better. And, I realized with sudden clarity, so did I.
When Marcus and I had decided to have children, I'd committed to putting myself second for the rest of my life. And I was fine with that. It was my choice; I didn't resent or regret it. But it hadn't left much room for thinking about what I deserved. Especially not when Marcus died and I found myself the family's only breadwinner. We'd had no time or money for luxuries. Even when I found myself with spare cash, I never spent it on myself. It always felt so frivolous. More than frivolous—downright wrong, like I was taking food out of Maple's mouth.
So it didn't matter what I deserved. It didn't matter what was fair. All I could let myself have was what I absolutely needed in order to keep functioning.
But I'd learned that I did need those little treats every once in a while. Like the surprise spa day that Grey had convinced me to take. That kind of self-care was almost as important as sleeping and eating right. If I didn't feed my soul, it would starve to death. And that wouldn't be fair to Maple or myself. She deserved a fun, relaxed mom...and I deserved to be happy.
That first idea was fairly obvious, but the second was revolutionary. It never would have occurred to me before Grey changed our lives. I always thought about Maple, so it fell to Grey to think about me. He helped me without asking for anything in return. And it wasn't just about the money he'd saved us—all the dinners and toys and small favors. He chased my worries away and gave me permission to enjoy life. He brought me a kind of peace I hadn't felt in a long time.
I let Maple splash around in the pool for a little while longer. Then I took her back inside and gave her a quick bath to rinse off the chlorine. I couldn’t have her pale blonde hair turning green. I decided to start cooking dinner early. Whenever Grey came home, I wanted to be ready for a long talk.
Chapter Fifteen
Greyson
I was done.
I was done hoping and praying for something that would never happen. Done pining over a beautiful woman I would obviously never have. Late that night, hoping Finley was already in bed, I let myself inside quietly. I’d worked for several hours this afternoon, trying to get caught up on everything after being out on assignment the past several days. That assignment being, saving the life of the woman and child who were currently asleep under my roof.
I toed off my boots and set my keys and phone on the table beside the door. The soft glow from the lamp in the living room illuminated my path and I went to turn it off before heading upstairs. Instead, I found Finley curled up on the sofa, a glass of red wine in hand. Her hair was damp from the shower and she was dressed in a pair of yoga pants that hugged her curves, along with a tank top. No bra.
Fuck.
Having her this close was going to be torture. I’d be jacking off more than a horny teenager if she was going to prance around wearing shit like that.
“Hi,” she offered. Her voice was light, almost shy. Her anger and sadness from earlier seemed to be gone.
“Thought you’d be in bed by now.”
“I wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet. Would you like to join me for a glass of wine?”
“Uh...sure,” I stumbled over my words.
While I sat down, Finley poured wine into a second glass on the coffee table. Was she waiting for me to get home?