“We hardly see you anymore.” Lacey set her elbows on the table and leaned in closer. “Do you have a girlfriend?”
Nolan snorted. “Doubt that, sweetheart.”
I took a long sip of my beer and leaned in closer. “Actually, I do.”
Their eyes widened. It was almost comical. They both knew me well enough to know how un-fucking-likely that was.
“Well, tell us about her,” Lacey encouraged before taking a sip from her straw.
“She’s the best. Blond hair, big green eyes, sweet as can be...and she’s one year old.”
Lacey choked down her margarita. “W-what?”
Nolan’s eyes narrowed on mine and I had a feeling he knew exactly where this was headed. What I couldn’t read in his gaze was whether or not he would approve.
“Did Nolan ever tell you the story of our buddy Marcus?” I asked.
“Sutton,” she supplied. “Yes, I remember.”
I nodded, unsurprised. There wasn’t much these two kept from each other, and besides, Nolan had gone and named his beloved bulldog after him. “Well, he was married. To a lady named Finley. Turns out she lives here in town, and I ran into her a couple months ago.”
A crease formed in between Lacey’s brows as she continued listening. Nolan’s face was as impassive as ever. He rarely gave anything away. And Christ, I had no idea why I was spilling my guts now. Or why I hadn’t told him earlier. Probably because of the look on his face. He swallowed, his throat working and mouth drawn into a tight line. I knew what I was doing was precarious. I was breaking the cardinal rule of the Man Code: don't get too close to your friends' women.
“And…” Lacey prompted.
I took another sip of my icy beer, hoping it would calm this fire raging inside me. “I started checking in on her. She has a daughter, Maple.”
“Your new girlfriend.” Lacey smiled.
“I was only joking, but yeah, Maple likes me a hell of a lot more than her pretty mama does.”
Nolan was still quiet, his eyes dark and stormy.
“Aww...I’m sure you’ll win her over,” Lacey finished. “If you haven’t noticed, you’re quite a catch, Greyson Archer.”
She might know the story of our fallen friend, but clearly she had no idea about the deep layers of remorse and guilt and animosity that had formed that only those of us close enough to the situation knew.
Lacey got up and excused herself to the bathroom.
Nolan cleared his throat, but stayed quiet. For several tense minutes.
Finally, the stony silence was too much for me. “Fucking say something, man.”
He let out a deep sigh and knocked back his measure of whiskey in a single fiery gulp. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Whatever it is you’re thinking in that knotted-up brain of yours.”
His jaw tensed, and he let out a breath. “This won’t be tied up with a pretty bow at the end. She’s not some woman you can just fuck and then forget.”
“For fuck’s sake. Don’t you think I know that?” My heart rate started to accelerate and blood pounded in my ears. Who could forget a woman like Finley? Just the thought of anyone treating her that way...
“Then why don’t you tell me what it is you’re thinking? Because, honestly, I have no fucking clue what you’re doing. A woman with a baby? That’s not you, Grey. As long as I’ve known you, you’ve never even had a monogamous relationship. And now you’re in deep with a single mom? And not just any single mom, but Finley fucking Sutton?”
I swallowed down my anger over his accusations and took a deep breath. I was getting pretty damn tired of people thinking I wasn’t good enough that I’d fuck this up six ways from Sunday just like I had back then. But “I wasn’t the same man I was back then. I played things much more cautious now. Nolan should know that. He should know I wouldn’t get involved in something I couldn’t see through to the end. I ignored the tiny doubting voice that whispered, but what end will that be? What if, after all your best efforts, she still makes a decision you can't live with?
I took a moment to compose myself. “On the surface, it’s all wrong. I get that. But the truth is, Marcus is gone. And someone needs to watch out for Finley and the baby.” Simple as that. It was in my eyes, anyway.
Nolan’s eyes widened just slightly, betraying his surprise. “And you really think that man should be you? After everything that went down?”
I looked out into the distance, wishing for just a moment that I could be like every other carefree guy my age in this bar. Laughing at some stupid joke. Drinking with buddies. Chasing pussy. But I wasn’t and I never would be. I’d seen too much, done too much, and now my brain filled with dark images when I closed my eyes at night. Even two years after escaping that world, its every moment still made my chest ache.
The only thing that chased away those bitter feelings was the time I spent with Maple and Finley. I felt something more burning inside me. The desire to be good enough for them. The desire to make up for all my terrible mistakes. I didn’t want to be broken anymore. And I didn’t want Finley to go on living a broken life, either. Especially when I’d had a hand in destroying her happily-ever-after in the first place.
“Never mind. I didn’t expect you to understand. I only listened to you whine and bitch about your fucked-up love life for, what, three months? You can fuck off, Nolan.” I rose from the table and headed for the door before he could say another word.