“Hey son. How are you?”
“I’m great!” I said enthusiastically.
“Whoa, I didn’t expect that.”
“I’m enjoying my time out here. It’s beautiful.”
“That’s good to hear. You’ll need to come back in a week or so when the investigation is final. I know you’ve never gone through this before but it’s nothing to worry about. You’ll sit in front of the board and basically reiterate your statement.”
“Have you heard anything about the autopsy?”
“No, that will be included in the information presented to the board. You know her parents insisted on it and they have a lawyer?”
“Yes, I know, I’m reading all of that lovely news now. There’s nothing I can do about it.”
“This has happened to me several times, Nate. You’ll get used to it. When family members lose a loved one they need a reason, and usually they blame the doctor.”
“But I did miss something in her chart and ECG.”
“There’s no way of knowing if she would have lived or died even if you’d seen that blip. The important thing to remember is that the procedure you were attempting saves lives, and whatever happened on that table was not as a result of anything you did.”
“But I didn’t catch it in time.”
“Stop blaming yourself. I sent you out there to get away from all of this for a while and gain some perspective.”
“You’re right. It’s just that when I think about it, it makes me sick. I’ll just have to wait and see what’s decided. Hey, Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Why don’t we ever come out here anymore?”
“Well, life has been busy, Nate.”
“I actually feel alive out here when I’m not thinking about the investigation.” I wanted to tell him that I’d met someone but I didn’t want to marginalize the investigation into Lizzy’s death. It was the first time I wished I hadn’t taken a job alongside my father. It made it impossible for us to have a father/son relationship.
“Is Dale keeping you busy?”
“Yes, I helped deliver a foal this morning.”
“That’s great, son.”
“I might look into a transfer. There’s a heart hospital in Missoula.”
“I’m familiar. Why would you want to practice there?”
I cleared my throat. “I don’t know, I was just thinking.” There were several moments of awkward silence. “I’ll see you soon, Dad.”
“Okay, son.”
From my bedroom window I watched the sun heading down toward the highest peak of the mountains in the distance. I could smell garlic and onions from Bea’s stew wafting through the house. I left my room and found Ava leaning against the wall in the dark hallway. I gazed at her. Her long hair was down in loose curls over her shoulders. She was wearing a floral cotton dress with red cowboy boots. Her skin was glistening and her lips were tinged a shade pinker.
“You look stunning.”
In a slow, shy voice, she said, “I saddled up the horses. If you wanted to go now . . . for that swim?”
“I thought you had a lesson?”
“I canceled it.” Her bottom lip quivered.
When I smiled, she relaxed; my day was getting better and better. “Isn’t it a little late and cold?”
“I know where there’s a hot spring.”
“Oh.” Maybe she did send mixed signals. I knew she was trying to work it all out in her head. I made a promise to myself that no matter what she did, I wouldn’t take advantage of her. In my mind, the dress, the cowboy boots, and the lip gloss were just signs that Ava was trying to find the girl lost inside somewhere. She was trying to be social, and as it stood I was her only friend—a guy she had only known for a couple weeks.
“Ready?”
“Are you going to ride in that?” I asked.
“It’s not that far.”
I followed on another horse as Ava rode Dancer at a full gallop through a meadow of short grass that stretched half a mile or so behind the ranch house. Her dress flew up around the tops of her smooth, sun-tanned thighs as her hair floated behind her in silky, chocolate waves. She rode with such ease and grace, it was hard to take my eyes off of her. Sitting atop a black-spotted white horse in her floral dress and almost black hair, Ava looked like a painting in motion. Some artist, some god I hadn’t believed in before, was proving his existence to me. I could smell her in the air like wildflowers.
I rode up next to her and shouted over the wind, “You’re beautiful!”
She giggled and then tapped Dancer with her heels and took off. I tried to keep up beside her. After wrapping the reins around the horn, she let go and threw her head back and her arms out, palms facing outward, feeling the world rush toward her. How freeing, I thought. Her body was open toward the sky in a seraphic gesture. I watched her in awe until the horses naturally slowed as we came to the end of the grassy field.
“That felt good,” she said. “The hot spring is here. We’ll let the horses graze.”
She jumped down. I followed her to the rocky edge of a very small cliff. We climbed down a few feet and before I could see any water I could smell the sulfur. We went down a short bit farther until we saw a clear-blue pool of naturally steaming water.
“How hot is it?”
“It’s perfect,” she said as she removed her boots and set them on a rock. I did the same and then took my shirt off. We were standing on opposite sides of the small pool. She looked me up and down and then reached for the hem of her dress and pulled it over her head. I swallowed hard, expecting to see a swimsuit, but I was wrong. She stood in a white lacy camisole and matching panties, which might have actually covered more than the typical swimsuits I was used to seeing on the beaches of L.A., but this was much sexier and delicate.