It was in this moment I lost my heart to him.
I’m his, solely.
And I know, the depth of my love will be the depth of my pain if I lose him.
TWELVE
TIME to face reality.
I’m going to have to do a walk of shame.
Dressing in last night’s clothes—which don’t look so great this morning—with my red shoes in my hand, I kiss Tracker’s cheek before making my exit. When I smell bacon, I stop by the kitchen to investigate. Two women I don’t know are in there, making themselves at home. Not wanting to intrude, I walk by Anna’s room, almost choking when I hear her voice.
“Put that baby maker inside me and fuck me, Arrow!”
Baby maker?
I can’t help it.
I lose it.
With my mouth covering my hand, I start cracking up.
“Lana, is that you?” I hear her call out.
I can’t speak over my laughing.
Then I hear her laughing too.
And Arrow growling.
Still giggling, I walk outside and to my car. As I’m driving off, I see Allie being dropped off by a random man. I can’t really see him, but she’s wearing what are presumably last night’s clothes with her heels in her hands. She bends down to kiss him good-bye through the window. I feel relieved, happy to see her moving on. Even though I know Tracker wants nothing to do with her, it’s good to know she may be over him too. I don’t need or want that drama.
Ignoring her, I look straight ahead and drive home. After making love to Tracker last night—and he can say what he wants but that was making love—I’m suddenly inspired to write the sex scenes of all sex scenes. Just thinking about him, about last night, makes me smile. Who would think a man in a biker club could be so damn sweet? Sure, he talks dirty, but I like that. No, I love that.
Last night was . . . swoon. I can’t think of another word for it.
We stayed in the room the whole night, getting to know each other’s bodies. I don’t know how he did it, but he made me feel comfortable, brought me out of my shell. I felt . . . beautiful. It was the way he looked at me, like it was me who was perfect. Not him, me. Nothing is off bounds with him. Nothing is judged.
We just felt.
He’s insatiable. An animal.
A man in his finest form.
And somehow . . . he’s mine.
* * *
“So,” I start. “Are you and Arrow trying to have a baby?”
Anna’s eyes widen. “What makes you ask that?”
I shrug nonchalantly. “It might have been the whole ‘put your baby maker’ line I heard the other day.”
She covers her face with her hands. “Oh. Right. That. I knew that was you laughing!”
I smirk. “I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard.”
Anna removes her hands and grins. “Yeah, we’re trying. Arrow is loving the trying.”
“I can imagine,” I reply, picking up my coffee and taking a sip. “How come Allie’s never around anymore?”
Anna nods. “I know, right? She doesn’t wanna see you with Tracker, I think. She comes by every few days; I think she’s found another man to terrorize.”
I nod, sighing. “At least she’s not terrorizing me. She did mention something once though. Something about it’s not her Tracker wants, or me. Any idea what she was talking about?”
She studies me for a few long seconds. “I may have heard something, but I have a feeling you’ll make it a bigger deal than it is.”
“What?” I ask, sitting up straighter.
She sighs. “When Faye came into the house, apparently—I say apparently because I wasn’t here so I don’t know the truth—but I heard Tracker had a thing for Faye. He wanted her, obviously he couldn’t have her, so he hooked up with Allie instead.”
“He wanted Faye?” I ask in a broken whisper. Faye? That freaking supermodel of a woman?
Great, just great. I can’t stop the hurt that slowly fills my body.
“Lana,” Anna growls. “Number one, this was years ago. They’re just friends now. And Tracker is crazy about you. Arrow said he hasn’t seen him pay this much attention to a woman in . . . forever.”
When I stay silent, she continues. “Look, I’ll be the first to admit I actually warned Tracker away from you a few times. I thought it was a bad idea. He’s . . . him, and I didn’t want to see you get hurt. But, and I can’t believe I’m going to say this, I was wrong. He’s so good to you. I haven’t seen him even look at another woman, and you’re happy, I can see it. I know you’re also unsure, and scared of getting hurt, but I think the two of you have something great going. If you think you can handle him and his lifestyle, I think he will make you a happy and lucky woman.”
“You’re right,” I admit. “If it’s in the past then . . . as long as he’s not secretly pining away for her.”
Anna laughs. “No. They’re friends, just like he and I are.”
Then why did Allie try and throw it in my face? Or maybe it was her issue, considering she was his second choice. Pushing it to the back of my mind, I change the topic.
“There’s something I have to tell you. I didn’t really need the nannying job. I took it because I needed something different in my life, a change, and because I knew Faye needed the help.”
I want to tell Anna everything. I don’t want to keep everything inside anymore, I want to try and be open, and there’s no one I trust more than Anna, besides my mom.