“What are you doing, baby?” he repeats.
“Trying to write my dad,” I mumble out, my eyes locked on the V of his hips. “Did you have a good workout?” I look up when I hear him laugh. “What’s funny?”
“Baby, the look on your face makes me think you didn’t get enough this morning.”
“Sorry.” I smile. I’m not really sorry; my hormones are insane. I want him all the time, but the part that sucks is that we are forced to only use a couple of different positions with how large I have gotten.
“Don’t be sorry. Come shower with me.” He bends over me, his body caging me in with an arm on each side of the chair.
“I really need to write him. I keep putting it off.”
“You can write when you’re ready.”
“I have been ready. I just don’t know what to say. I don’t even know how to address the letter. I mean, do I say, ‘Dear Dad,’ or something else?” I sigh, leaning my head back against the chair.
“What do you feel like addressing him as?”
“Dad… I don’t know.” I close my eyes and then open them when his lips touch my forehead. “He’s my dad, even if he didn’t act like one, but after everything that’s happened…I just don’t know.”
“You address him and talk to him about anything,” he says softly, his words spoken against my skin. “He’ll be happy to hear from you, no matter what you say.” He kisses my forehead again and then my lips before running a finger down my cheek and leaving the room.
I watch the spot he just left for a long moment before putting my pen to the paper for the hundredth time.
Dear Dad,
How are you? This is awkward, and I don’t really know what to say, but as Nico told me once, awkward is okay as long as you don’t feel uncomfortable. I don’t feel uncomfortable. I feel like this is something I have needed to do for a long time. I have thought about your letter a lot since I read it. I have been trying to understand where you were coming from and what you must have been going through after Mom passed away. Now that I have Nico, I can’t imagine him being taken away from me without warning. I pray I never have to go through something like that.
I wish I could say I forgive you for everything, and hopefully, with time, I’ll find a way to do that. I want you to know your grandkids. Nico and I are expecting twins. We don’t know the sexes yet because we want to be surprised when they get here. Everyone has been making bets since we found out we were pregnant. I think they are both girls, but Nico swears they are boys, but I can tell he really wants at least one girl. I know he is going to be a great dad. His family is amazing. His parents are very supportive and loving, and they have accepted me as I am. He has three brothers, and each of them is married and has kids of their own. I hope you don’t think I’m saying these things to upset you. That’s not what this is. Honestly, before Nico, I had Maggie, Devon, and a few other friends, but now my life is full and I’m happy.
Nico also just bought us a beautiful home in the country—a house Mom would have loved. I sometimes sit out on the front porch at sunset and read. I hope when the babies get here I can sit outside and read to them like Mom used to read to me. I wish I had some of the photos of us so I could show them my side of the family when they get older.
Well, I don’t know how to end this letter, but I hope you are okay and that when you read this, it brings you some kind of happiness.
XOXO,
Sophie Mayson
I set the letter down on my lap and close my eyes. When they open, I look around the nursery at the light-grey walls Nico and his brothers painted last week. Then I look at the mural of a white tree with silver leaves his mom just painted. My gaze drifts over the two cribs that were added to the room two days ago, with a changing table between them. The room is beautiful and will be perfect for either sex once the babies get here. The room represents so much—not only the start of our family, but also Nico’s family, the love they have for each other, and what it means to have a real family. I smile and stand up, going in search of my husband and praying that I find him before he gets dressed.
Chapter 14
Nico
“Cap’ wants you to start,” Leo says, and I sigh into the phone and look out from the patio into the backyard, where Goose and Daisy are playing. Well, Daisy is playing; Goose is just walking around while Daisy jumps in and out between his feet.
“I can’t, man. I hate leaving Sophie right now. She just reached the eighth-month mark, and the doctor said she could go into labor any time. Her doctor’s appointments have moved to every week. They’re concerned because she’s already begun to dilate.”
“We could really use you right now.”
“I told you before—Sophie’s my priority,” I remind him. When this whole thing started, I told everyone that I’m not going to start working until after the babies are born and I know Sophie will be okay on her own with them.
“I know. I just thought you would relax some after you moved,” he confesses.
“I can’t relax. I still have no clue who was after her or if they still are. Now, with her due date getting closer, I’ve gotten even more nervous. I swear I feel like I’m constantly on edge. I know something’s going to happen. I just don’t know when or how to prepare for it.”
“Has anything happened?”
“No, nothing.” I rub my hand over my face.