Tripp walked over toward me. “I don’t know if she’s ready for you to know. I don’t think she trusts you to want her when you find out she’s got problems. Major emotional problems. You need to ease into this. Don’t go telling her you know and expect her to handle it. She’ll be furious with me for telling you and terrified of getting hurt when you run. So, she’ll beat you to it. She’ll run like hell. It’s how she deals.”
I hated this. He was right but I hated it. “What do I do?” I asked him needing someone to tell me. I couldn’t lose her.
“I’ll call you tonight when she goes to sleep. Come on over and sleep on the couch. When she starts the screaming you’ll be there. She’ll see that you aren’t scared and you can use that to prove to her you’re not running.”
Okay. I could do that. I could wait until tonight. But I was still going to find her now. If only to hold her. I wouldn’t tell her why. I just needed to make sure she was okay for my sanity.
Tripp opened the door and stepped back to let me in. I’d been sitting in the parking lot when he’d called two minutes ago to tell me she was asleep. I wasn’t sure how long it would take for this screaming to start up and I didn’t want Tripp to be the one holding her when she woke up this time. Never again.
“Were you already here?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“Didn’t you just bring her home from work two hours ago?”
“Yeah.”
Tripp chuckled and shook his head. “Did you even leave?”
“No.”
He looked amused. “There’s a pillow and a blanket on the couch. I’m going to bed. It’s late and I need some sleep. Last night was rough.”
I didn’t have to ask him why. I knew what he meant by rough and it drove me mad to think about the fact I hadn’t been here. That she’d been suffering and I had no idea.
“Thanks,” I replied.
“Don’t thank me. You’ve not been through this yet. You may hate me when it’s over.” He had no idea what he was saying. I had held her when she’d completely checked out and froze at the party. I’d seen the blank look in her eyes and it’d scared me but I hadn’t wanted to run then either. I had wanted to protect her. This only made that instinct she brought out in me worse.
I lay down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to fall asleep. Not knowing that at any time now she was going to be suffering. My chest was so tight from the idea of it I kept having to take deep breaths to ease the pressure.
What had happened to her to cause this? My mind went back to that first day I saw her. She’d been so damn sexy yet adorable trying to figure out how to pump her gas. I’d thought she was just some carefree fun distraction. I hadn’t been prepared for the way she tasted though. And the smell. God, she smelled so damn good. I had gone a little crazy that night. Every time I brought her to an orgasm I’d needed to do it again. I kept thinking about the fact that this was it, that one night and then she’d be gone. So I’d wanted more. I had never eaten that much pu**y in one night in my life. But I hadn’t been able to get enough of her. Then she’d finally fallen asleep from exhaustion and I’d forced myself to leave her there.
I closed my eyes as the pain sliced through me. Had she woken up screaming that night too? And alone? Had I f**ked her and left her to deal with her pain? I couldn’t lay here. I sat up and buried my head in my hands. From the beginning I’d made mistakes with her. I’d assumed the wrong things. Not one time had she looked weak and breakable until that night at the club when she’d had that panic attack and completely shut down. It had been the first glimpse at what she kept so well hidden.
I couldn’t stay out here any longer. I needed to watch her sleep. I needed to be there the moment she cried out. I walked over to her door and eased it open.
I waited until my eyes adjusted to the darkness before walking inside and closing the door behind me.
She was curled up on the bed in a small ball. Like she was protecting herself. My hoodie swallowed her but she held it tightly against her just like Tripp had said. Seeing her in my sweatshirt like that had the caveman in me pounding his chest. She was mine. She knew it. I wanted to crawl in bed and hold her. If she wanted to feel me so bad she was burying her nose in my clothing I could help her out with ease. She could smell me.
I was here for a reason. I couldn’t sit down. I was restless. I stood in the corner with my arms crossed over my chest and watched her sleep. She was so peaceful right now. It was hard to believe she had trouble sleeping.
A small whimper came from her and my head snapped to attention. I studied her face and waited. She began twisting handfuls of my sweatshirt then a strange noise started in her throat. I was across the room instantly. Just as I sat down on the bed beside her she let out a blood-curdling scream and her body tossed and turned on the bed. I reached for her and she fought me. Her eyes were tightly closed but she was crying out and fighting me with surprising strength. Each sound that ripped from her tore at me. I hated knowing she was lost in some unknown terror and I couldn’t save her. I pulled her tightly against my chest and began whispering soothing words in her ear. I promised I wasn’t going anywhere and begged her to come back to me. I told her she was beautiful and I would take care of her I just needed her to open her eyes and see me. Other words poured out of me as my eyes stung and my heart raced. Her screaming continued but she had stopped fighting me and was clawing to get closer to me. She buried her head in my shoulder and inhaled deeply then cried out in relief. Her arms wrapped around my neck and held onto me as she climbed into my lap. The screams became small cries and then they ceased altogether.