Trust Beth to find the way to make me smile through the pain.
***
Day seven: post-Mia…
I seal the envelope. The envelope that contains the letter that’s taken me four f**king days to write. If you saw the letter, you’d be confused as to why it took me four days to write.
Basically, the letter is shit. Because I can’t write for shit.
And that’s the reason for the CD inside this envelope.
Yeah, I’ve become that guy.
The kind of guy that makes a CD with one song on it to tell the girl he loves how he feels.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I lost my balls ages ago. I figured it out when I couldn’t get out of bed for three days over Mia leaving me.
So now me and my ball-less self is hoping that this song will tell her everything I’m failing to. Worst case, she’ll think I’m lame and laugh her ass off, and I’ll never hear from her again. But one thing I know for sure; whenever she hears this song, she’ll always think of me, because there are a handful of songs that I can’t listen to now without thinking of her. The first time I heard her singing in my car to that Taylor Swift song that I hate, but now listen to all the time … and the Will.i.am song that was playing the first time I kissed her.
Dad was right when he said music evokes memories.
This song might not evoke her memory, but it will tell her where I’m at right now, and hopefully bring her back to me. And that hope is all I’ve got left now.
I take a deep breath and drop the envelope in the mailbox.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Mia
Two and a half months later…
“You still haven’t opened that?”
I glance over my shoulder to see Danni standing in the doorway. Danni is a patient at the clinic, like me. Except Danni suffers with anorexia. It’s her second time back in. Not here. She was at a different help facility a few years ago, got better. But she relapsed recently. We met here on my first day. She’s a great friend to have as she understands everything I go through.
I’ve never had a female friend before, and it’s been wonderful to have one who understands me as well as Danni does. I’ve told her everything about me. Jordan’s words haunted me when he said I should open up to the next person who tries to get close to me, so I took that chance on Danni, and I’m glad I did.
She’s helped me so much. We’ve helped each other.
After what happened at the hospital, after Forbes’ attack, Dr. Packard encouraged me to press charges, so I did. Having Danni to hold my hand through it really helped.
Thankfully I didn’t have to go to court as I was here in the clinic.
Forbes didn’t get jail time for assaulting me at the hospital. I’m not sad about that as I never thought he would. He got a twelve month suspended sentence, and was forced to attend anger management classes.
I also took out a restraining order. Not that it would do any good. If Forbes wanted to get me, he would. But honestly, I don’t think he will. I think we’re finally done.
“No, I still haven’t opened it.” I sigh.
She comes over and sits on my bed. “You’ve spent so long staring at that thing, I’m surprised you haven’t burned a hole in it. Why don’t you put us both out of our misery and just open it because the suspense is just about set to kill me.”
Danni knows all about Jordan. How I felt … still feel about him. You think my feelings for him would have lessened, but they haven’t.
And now that I’m close to better, I’m finding regret a bitter pill to swallow.
I miss him so much.
My trembling fingers run along the line imprint, of what my extensive examination, has figured to be a CD case.
Why would he send me a CD?
She reaches over, her slender fingers touch my arm. “Open it. See what’s in there. It could be a DVD of him telling you how desperate he is to see you.” Her hands clutch her chest in a dramatic manner.
Danni’s a romantic. Even though she’s been burned in the past, she stills believes in love.
“I don’t know.” I shake my head. “Whatever this is – he sent it over two months ago. A lot can change in that time. He’ll have moved on, I’m sure.”
She shakes her head. “No way. Love doesn’t just disappear that quickly, especially not the kind of epic love you both have for each other.”
I raise my eyebrow. “You got epic love from what I told you about Jordan and me?”
She gives me a gnarly look. “What he said to you in the hospital, about how he’s in love with you … guys don’t just say that stuff easily, Mia, not guys like him. Epic, I’m telling you.”
With a heavy heart, I look back down at the padded envelope in my hands.
“What have you got to lose? Your treatment is almost done. You have a week left. Whatever is in here could determine where you go when you leave here.”
Nodding, swallowing down my fear, I slide my finger under the seal and tear it open.
I can almost hear Danni holding her breath as I put my hand inside the envelope.
My heart is beating a mile a minute.
I pull out a piece of paper folded in half, and a clear CD case with a disc inside it. On the front of the disc written in black pen is ‘Mia’.
I glance up at Danni. “Read it,” she encourages.
My shaking hands open the letter.
Mia,
I’ve tried for four goddamn days to write you a letter … trying to tell you how I feel about you - how much I f**king miss you. But everything I write just sounds inadequate. All I know is, being away from you … makes it hard to breathe. I miss you so much.