It’s impossible not to smile back.
“There you go.” He touches the corner of my smile with his thumb. And those damn fireflies start off in my stomach again, swooping and somersaulting. “Nothing will happen tonight that you don’t want, okay?” His gaze is warm on my skin.
I take a deep breath. “Okay.”
***
Beth seems nervous about her date. She has done nothing but talk about it from the moment we picked her up. She’s like a bundle of nervous energy, but honestly, I like it. I like her. And Beth’s nerves are making me feel a little more normal about my own.
I love the dynamic between Beth and Jordan. The way he never seems to get annoyed or irritated by her incessant chatter about her date with Toni. Forbes would never have let me talk that way, but then I guess Beth is Jordan’s friend, not his girlfriend.
I’ve wondered why they are nothing more than friends as Beth is really pretty and they get on so well, but I had my question answered after five minutes of Beth being in the car when she talked about Toni in the female sense. Turns out Beth is into girls.
A girl who went to my school was a lesbian. She was bullied incessantly because of it. I used to feel so terrible for her, but it wasn’t as if I could do anything to help her. I wish I could have, but I couldn’t even deal with my own problems, so I had no chance of helping anyone else. I wonder if Beth has suffered any hassle because of her sexual orientation. If she has, then I’m glad that Jordan is by her side because I can imagine him kicking the crap out of anyone who bullied her.
Jordan parks a few blocks over from the club and we start the short walk. The sidewalk is narrow, so Beth is in front, Jordan and I behind.
Because we’re so close, our hands keep brushing as we walk. Every time they touch, a jolt of heat flares up my arm. I’m desperate to hold his hand. We’ve held hands before, always Jordan holding mine, but that was before this, when we were just friends. Now things have changed, and it makes holding hands seem like such a bigger deal.
“Fuck it,” I hear him mutter, and the next thing I know he’s taking hold of my hand.
My heart takes flight, buzzing around my chest.
He leans down to my ear. “Is this okay?” His warm breath whispers over my skin.
Shivering, I turn my head resting my chin against my shoulder, I stare into his eyes. “It’s more than okay.”
He lifts my hand, bringing me close to his side, and brushes a kiss over my knuckles.
I can hardly take my eyes off him. He becomes more beautiful and more precious to me with each passing second, and it terrifies me.
He’s too good for someone like me. Forbes was right when he said I was nothing. I’m not meant for someone as good as Jordan.
The happiness I was feeling disappears. My stomach drops. I look ahead and find Beth looking over her shoulder at us, smiling.
Then she catches my eye, and her smile vanishes. I quickly look away, and paste on a fake smile, relieved when the club comes into view.
We follow Beth over to the doorman, and thanks to Toni putting us on the guest list, we don’t have to wait in the huge line.
I’ve only ever been in a club one time before. It was with Forbes and his rich douchey friends. That club was a bit nicer than this place, but I actually prefer this club. It looks how a club should look. All dark and grungy. Floor sticky from spilt drinks.
It feels real.
The bass is pumping loud, vibrating up through my feet, and I feel a tremor of excitement at being here; doing something out of my ordinary.
The club is packed; a sea of people. I notice most of the girls are dressed in fewer clothes than me, wearing shorts and cut-off t-shirts. I wish I could wear shorts as short as they are, but the scars on the back of my thighs prevent me from doing so as does my severe lack of confidence.
My good feeling instantly disappears, leaving me feeling dowdy and out of place, and wondering just why the hell Jordan is here with me. A sudden urge to leave so I can hide away and comfort eat myself until I’m sick compels me.
I curl my fingers into my hand, pressing my nails into my skin, trying to expel the urge.
As if hearing my pain, Jordan squeezes my hand. I glance up at him. “Hey, you okay?” he mouths over the music.
With a fake smile, I nod.
He looks at me for too long, suspicion curving his mouth. It feels like he’s trying to see deep inside me, and it makes me fidgety, so I look away.
He moves closer. I know he’s going to question me further. I feel his body press against my side, and my body goes to war with my mind. I want him close, yet I want him to go away.
I’m saved by Beth, when she comes bounding over.
“Toni’s coming out in ten, so let’s get a drink first, then we can go see her,” she yells over the music.
Jordan steps back giving me space. I almost exhale in relief. I can feel his eyes burning into me, but I can’t bring myself to meet his stare.
Smiling at Beth, I say, “Sure. Sounds good.”
Beth leads the way to the bar. Jordan is close behind me. When we reach the bar, I stand beside Beth. Jordan comes up behind, hands either side of me, placing them on the bar and caging me in.
My body is fully aware of how close he is and wants him closer. My hands are itching to reach back and pull him to me.
“Drinks are on me, so what do you both want?” Beth says.
“I’ll get the drinks,” Jordan’s deep voice comes between us.
Beth’s eyes flicker to him. “No way! Deal was that I’d buy your drinks tonight for coming with me.”