"Nobody else better be thinking of you that way." I tease back. "I don't want to have to get all beast mode on someone."
"Trust me, no one else is. And you in beast mode sounds sexy so let's just change the subject before I forget what I wanted to say."
The kitten jumps up on his lap and squishes into the small space between us, purring and making herself comfortable for a nap, and Diogee has settled at his feet, with his head resting on top of Tor's foot. I love how they love him because I feel it too. Just like them, I want to curl up against him and be as close to him as possible.
"It's been a long time since I've felt really passionate about anything, Kenzi. When I was younger, it was my music. I lived and breathed it. It was my world. I was so fuckin' close to getting that dream." Dark regret shrouds his eyes and steals his smile away.
My heart sinks for him and his grief over his dreams. "I know how hard that was for you, Tor. My parents talked about it a lot."
"Giving that up sucked. And yeah it hurt to see your parents move on because we were a team, ya know? It was always supposed to be the three of us making it big together. Watching from the sidelines wrecked me in so many ways. So I thrust myself into riding, and my work with Devils’ Wolves, and you." He glances away from me and stares across the room. "Every time I saw you, it was like a sense of peace just came over me. I can't describe it. Being around you took away all the anger and regret I felt about losing my father and having to quit the band and take care of the business and my family. You were like my little oasis that I could escape to." He turns back to me. "I guess that sounds like a pretty fucked up thing to say about a little kid, huh?"
"No, Tor. Not at all. Weren't you the only one who could get me to stop crying? To get me go to sleep at night? I love my parents to death, and I have an amazing family, but you've always been the one I gravitated to. Whether you want to admit it or not, we've always had a connection, or a chemistry, call it what you want, and it's changed and evolved as we've gotten older. And ya know what? I don't think it’s bad in any way at all. I think it's something beautiful and special and incredibly rare. How many people can say that they have loved the same person their entire life, in so many different ways?"
"Probably not many."
"Exactly. When I look at you, I don't see my father's friend, or my uncle, or my godfather, or an older man. All I see is the person I've always loved and has always made me happy. That's it. I just see you."
His head falls back against the couch and he closes his eyes. "You say that so beautifully."
"Because it's true." I lean towards him and kiss him softly on the lips, and wait for his eyes to open. "Our wishes are coming true."
"I hope you're right. I've been racking my brain, trying to figure out what's the best thing for us to do. What's the right thing for us to do. And I can't come up with a fuckin’ clue. All I know is I want to be with you." He links his fingers with mine. "I can't fight the rights or the wrongs anymore. I don't care how old I am or how young you are or anything in between. All that matters is you are my forever. You always have been. You always will be."
I literally cannot even breathe as I try to memorize what he just said to me. I have a feeling there is not much more that he or anyone else could ever say to me, that could possibly hold more love and meaning.
"I am your forever, Tor. And you're mine."
"So what do we do?"
I take a deep breath. What can we do?
"I think we should give ourselves some time together before we tell anyone. To make sure that this is what we both want. And then we can tell my dad and everyone else and hope for the best. And if for some reason we realize we're just not good as a couple, then we end it and no one has to know it ever happened." He frowns at me and I know he hates the idea of seeing me behind my father's back. "Tor, I think it's the best way."
"I don't like either one of us deceiving your father. Or anyone else. I hate lies and deception."
"I do, too. I just think we need to be sure before we create a bunch of stress for everyone. Including ourselves."
His brow creases with worry and his fingers squeeze mine tighter. "Do you have doubts? About us?"
"Not at all. But as you said before, this is a new level for us. To be together in this way."
"I don't think I'm going to have any doubts, Kenzi. Ever. You're what I want. I love you."
If he were to say those words a million times, I will never get tired of hearing them. Every time he says them, they sound different on his lips, and they sound different to my ears, like a melody that has a different note each time it's played. The same but never predictable. They're not just words that he repeats like a parrot. With Tor, every word comes from his heart. That's what I want for my forever. Words that I can believe to be true no matter what.
I drag myself back into the conversation, even though I only want to sit here and listen to his voice and feel the warmth of his hand on my leg and enjoy how being close to him makes my skin tingle.
"Tor, I feel the same way. I think our biggest hurdle is going to be my father. I'm worried about hurting him. I'm afraid it will ruin your relationship with him, and that will kill me to see you both hurt, because of me. And on top of all that, I don't want him to be disappointed in me, or feel betrayed in any way."
"All my thoughts exactly." He blows out a deep breath and I can tell he's worried about all the things I pointed out just as much as I am. "I wish this was easier," he says. "But it's not. It might not ever be."
"I know. Let's just give ourselves until my he's back from the tour, okay? We can't turn his whole world upside down when he's been working so hard."
"You're right. But it can't go on for months like that, Kenzi. We're not going to sneak around and lie to the people we love for months on end. I don't want you to be that type of person."
"Alright," I agree. "When he gets back, we'll talk to him."
He gently picks up the kitten and lays her on the floor next to the dog, then stands and reaches for my hand to pull me up to my feet and directly into his arms.
"So...are we together now? A couple?" I ask nervously.
"I think we've always been together," he bends down and kisses my lips. "But yeah, we became a couple the moment I took you into my bedroom."
I want to jump up and down and freak out with happiness but I force myself to remain calm.
For about two seconds.
"So you're my boyfriend now?" I ask excitedly, bouncing on my toes.
An adorable grin spreads across his face. "That's how it works. I'm yours. You're mine."
I circle my arms around his waist and stare up at him as waves of happiness ripple through me. My brain is frozen, stuck on his words.
"Wow." I squeak.
"Wow?" he repeats.
"I'm so happy. This feels so right with you...I don't even have the words to describe it."
"Then don't talk...show me." Tor can pop his internal clutch and switch gears from nice and sweet to dark and sensual with lightning speed. My mind and body follow him into the fast lane, and I'm instantly quivering and wet.
I pull his head down to kiss him and reach for the hem of his shirt, pulling it up. We part just long enough for me to pull the shirt over his head and then our mouths crash together again. I wrap my arms around him and revel in the size of him and the feel of his hard muscles under my hands. I could touch him for hours and be completely content. Grabbing my hair, he gently pulls my head away from his lips and guides my face down to the center of his chest.
"I want to feel your lips on me." His whisper pierces the silence and my stomach does a triple flip-flop. I like when he tells me what to do and the rush it makes me feel. With my hands on his shoulders I move my lips across the plane of his chest, kissing and lightly licking him as I move from one pec to the other, trailing my tongue over his tattoos. His fingers tighten in my hair and he exhales.
"Tell me what you like." I ask softly, wondering how and where men like to be kissed?
His answer comes fast. "Everything. Everywhere. Touch me...kiss me...whatever you want to do to me, I'll love it. Trust me." I feel his lips press against the top of my head. "There is absolutely nothing on this earth you can do wrong with me. Just follow what your heart and body wants to do."
Easier said than done when you've never touched a boy before, let alone a grown man with a body that commands attention from the entire female race and has hard, hot confidence stamped all over it. I don't know where my courage came from on Friday when we slept together, but I'm trying to channel that inner gutsy girl now.
I let my feelings and desires come to the surface, pushing past any insecurities, and allow my lips and hands to explore his body while his hands slowly move over mine, caressing me in all the right places. When I reach to unzip his jeans, he grabs my hands and pulls me up.
"Let's wait on that," He kisses my lips. "I have a better idea for tonight."
"What's that?" I ask.
"Me licking you until you're delirious followed by some of that apple pie you baked, then I'm going to force myself to let you go home."
Before I can say anything, he picks me up and carries me to the bedroom, putting me down to stand at the foot of his bed. He slowly begins to undress me, starting with my shirt and bra, his eyes burning as he kneels down in front of me and pulls off my shoes and socks and then goes for the button of my jeans.
With his teeth.
I gasp and my hands fly to his shoulders to keep myself steady as he somehow unbuttons my pants with only his teeth and then tugs down the zipper. His hands grasp the waistband and work my jeans and panties down to my ankles where he waits for me to step out of them. When I do he slowly runs his hands up the backs of my legs to cup my ass and presses his face against my stomach. Sliding his hands down to the back of my thighs, he gently pulls them apart.