She glares at me and shakes her head, the helmet twisting crookedly on her head.
"It's better when you hold me up."
I take her small hand in mine. "Maybe for now you're right. Let's go back to the house and fix up your knee, okay?"
"Okay. I won't tell Mommy you let me fall."
I don't know why, but those little innocent words slice through my heart. I've never let her get hurt before. And no matter what, I'm never going to let it happen again.
Tor
Tristan is standing over me in my work area as I'm kneeling in front of this old Indian bike that I feel like I'm never going to finish. Finding parts for this bike has been nearly impossible and has put me way behind with my schedule.
"Speak or go away. I'm busy." I say, grabbing a wrench.
"I need a week off."
"Need or want?"
"Does it fuckin' matter? What's up your ass lately?"
I stand, grab a rag to wipe my hands off on, and turn to face my little brother. Even though he's twenty-four, he'll always be my little brother in my eyes.
"A week off is a long time. I'll have to rearrange some work since you're the only one who does what you do here. When do you need it?"
"In about two weeks."
Two weeks doesn't give me much time to move things around for the custom paint jobs we have booked, but Tris hardly ever asks for time off so I really can't complain.
Sighing, I nod. "Okay, then. We'll work it out. Can I ask where you're going?"
He shoves his hands into the front pockets of his faded jeans and looks down, his dirty blond hair falling down into his face.
"I'm meeting with a local service dog rep to go through the screening process for a therapy dog."
My attitude instantly diminishes. Mom and I have been after him for years to look into a therapy dog to help him with the seizures he suffers.
"Tris, that's great. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know," he shrugs. "It's just taken me a while to accept it, I guess."
"It's nothing to be embarrassed about."
He's always tried to hide the fact that he has seizures, like he thinks there's something wrong with him. It's kept him from making friends and he's never really dated anyone, at least as far as I know. He and Tyler have both become like hermits and that worries me a lot. I don't want my brothers spending the rest of their lives alone. Like me.
"Anyway, so now I have to meet with them in person, they do a home check, I meet with a few of the trainers, and then I get put on a waiting list for the right dog."
"Take all the time you need, then." I lightly squeeze his shoulder. "This is worth it, trust me. Do you need any money?"
"Nah, they work on donations and I already made one."
"We'll organize a ride to raise some money to donate to them, too. Does Mom know?"
"Yeah, she's the one that pushed me into it. A few of their service dogs are rescues so Mom has worked with them before."
"Good deal." I say, glad that he's going through with this decision. "This is a good thing, Tris. If it can make your life a little safer, that's all that matters. Right?"
He nods but still has that uncertain look in his grey eyes. "I hope so."
"Be positive. And hey, I wouldn't admit this normally but since I brought home that big white fluff monster, I'm not as lonely. It's nice to have him and that cat waiting for me when I get home after a long day."
Laughing, he shakes his head, turns and walks away. "I'm starting to worry about us, man." He jokes, turning his head. "We need to find us some chicks."
Speaking of chicks, it's been almost a week since I saw Kenzi at the bonfire, and my emotions are still all over the place from that night. The way her eyes were glued to me, glowing with a mix of love and lust as I played the guitar did way more than just turn me on like mad. It made me itch to start playing again. Every night since then I've dragged my guitar out of the closet and sat in my back yard brushing up on my old favorite songs and toying around with some new ones.
I miss my dreams.
I can still feel her lips on mine, in that daring moment when she kissed me all on her own and almost made me tear her clothes off in Asher's laundry room while he was probably twenty feet away eating her birthday cake.
I feel sick.
I feel tortured.
I feel unhinged with want for her.
I feel a deep ache in my heart that only she can soothe.
I feel like I'm stabbing a dagger straight through my best friend’s back.
The scales are tipping, though, and it's scaring the shit out of me.
I pull my phone out of my back pocket and type out a quick text, my stomach immediately knotting up.
Me: I'm taking tomorrow off and going for a ride.
Kenzi: Um ok? Thanks for the update? Shall I expect further notice?
I laugh at the screen, loving her little snarky attitude.
Me: Be outside at 8am. Jeans, boots, and your helmet.
Kenzi: I'm going too?! :-)
Me: If you want to...
Kenzi: Of course I do!
Me: Good.
Kenzi: Woot! I haven't been on your bike in years!
Me: Because that seat on my bike has been reserved.
Kenzi: For who?
Me: The woman of my dreams ;)
Kenzi: Eep
Me: Wtf is that?
Kenzi: It’s like wow.
Me: Speak English. I'm old, remember?
Kenzi: You are not. You're so cute.
Me: Please don't call me cute.
Kenzi: But you so are!
Me: I'll see you in the morning, Angel.
Kenzi: I can't wait! <3
No one's ever sent me a heart in a text message before. I touch it lightly with my finger, the knot in my stomach fraying and unraveling with threads of hope. Her love and excitement is contagious, and I honestly don't want a cure. I want to die of this sickness, if I can. Nothing and no one has ever made me feel as happy and content as she does. Not even playing or riding has been able to reach far enough into me to pull me out of the bitter state of mind that I've been dwelling in for years.
But she has. Without even trying.
And the moment I try to relax into this new feeling of contentment, the ugly monster of the situation rears its head again, sinks its claws into my heart, trying to tear it away from her, laughing at me for being naive enough to think spending a day with her would be okay.
She comes out of the house when she hears my bike pull into the driveway looking all sorts of cute and sexy in jeans, a black long-sleeved shirt with a big yellow smiley face on the front, her hair in a long braid with a little skull clip at the end. And those damn black leather boots that for some crazy reason always seem to turn me on. I'm starting to think maybe I have a foot or shoe fetish I never realized before. I quickly shove the thought to the back of my mind to be dealt with later. I want today to just be a day for us to spend time together alone, to see how it feels to just spend a day with her with no labels on us. I don't want to think about our past or the future or Ash or anything else except just us.
She approaches me with a big smile and kisses my cheek.
"You're on time. I'm impressed." She says, pulling her helmet over her head. I don't wear a helmet but there's no way I'm letting her go without one.
"Hop on." I nod to the small seat behind me and she grabs onto my shoulder as she climbs on and sets her feet on the pegs.
"A few rules," I say, turning towards her. "I don't want you falling off so keep your hands on me."
"That won't be a problem." She replies with a playful tone, wrapping her arms around my waist.
I stifle a laugh. "Behave yourself. Being on the bike is serious. This isn't a big two wheeled vibrator. Pay attention and move your body with mine, okay?"
Her arms tighten around my waist. "Seriously Tor, you just said vibrator and told me to move my body with yours while I've got my legs and arms wrapped all up around your amazing bod. I'll do my best to behave given all those circumstances."
I lean back against her and lay my hand on hers clasped over my stomach. Having her so close, with her perfume enveloping me and feeling the warmth of her thighs pressed against my legs, is making my blood rush through my veins like liquid fire. I thought a ride in the mountains would be safe territory but now it’s turned into a subtle act of foreplay.
Am I complaining? Hell, no.
"Well, when you put it like that, Angel, enjoy the ride." I tease back, starting up the bike before she can throw more fuel onto the flames. I'm not used to riding with a woman or feeling anything but the rush of air in my face. It figures she would be the first to turn this all around for me.
And again, I'm not complaining one bit.
I've ridden these roads for almost my entire life. First, on the back of my old man's bike when I was a little kid, and then on my own when I was old enough to ride alone. Today I take it slower than I normally do, and Kenzi keeps her arms around me, loosening up her embrace just a little as she starts to feel more comfortable. I'm not sure when the last time she was on the back of Asher's bike, but I'm guessing it’s probably been over two years.
When we get further up the mountains, I pull over onto a small area for parking and kill the engine, motioning for her to hop off before I put the kickstand down. She gives me a squeeze before she gets off and takes her helmet off while I take a bottle of water out of my saddle bag.
"You having fun?" I ask her, taking the helmet from her hand and resting it on the back of my bike.
She nods, her eyes dancing with the same happiness I'm feeling. "I really am. It's beautiful up here."
"It is." I reach for her hand and she immediately slides hers into mine like we've been together forever.
And maybe we have.
We walk a ways into the woods, following the beaten trail to where there are groups of small waterfalls running down the mountain. The air is cooler up here than it was down in our town, and it makes me want to pull her closer to me and put my arm around her. As if reading my mind, she looks up at me and leans her head against my arm.