I couldn’t let this job slip through my fingers. I had debt collectors at my door, next month’s rent to worry about, and Lily couldn’t move to New York if I was unemployed. I owed it to her to commit to the position I’d been given, even if that included putting my love life on the backburner for the time being. This conclusion meant that I had to be upfront with Julian.
I huffed out a breath of air and pushed off the counter to pick out the most conservative outfit I could find. I settled on a loose pair of slacks and a boring, gray blouse that completely hid away every ounce of cleavage. I pulled my hair into a low bun and slipped on a pair of flats. Hopefully the message I was trying to send would come across loud and clear. Me = employee. You = boss. Even a caveman could understand that.
By the time I started my trek to work, I was still trying to push aside stray memories from the boat. One particularly vivid image—Julian gripping my hands in place above my head—had just played out in my mind when my phone vibrated in my pocket. My hand shook as I reached in my purse, assuming it would be Julian calling.
It wasn’t.
My mother’s face lit up my small screen and my stomach dropped. I hadn’t talked to her in weeks and this was the precise moment she chose to call me? I veered off to the side of the sidewalk and leaned against the side of a building to try to drown out a bit of the street noise.
“Hello?” I asked after the call connected.
“Josie. It’s Mom. Is this a good time to talk?”
I stared out across the sidewalk. Technically, I had ten minutes until I was supposed to be at work and I was already a block away from Julian’s hotel. I had no excuse.
“Yes. Yeah, can you hear me all right?”
The morning streets were full of honking taxis and bustling pedestrians scurrying to work as quickly as possible. Chances were it sounded like I was in the middle of a circus.
“Yes. I have you on speakerphone over here so your dad can hear too.”
I smiled. “Hi Dad.”
“Hi Jos,” he chimed in.
I hadn’t heard from either of them in a month and now they were calling me together? Something was up.
“How are you getting on in New York?” she asked.
“Good,” I replied, treading lightly.
“We read up on the news every day. Looks like someone gets mugged or killed every night of the week up there.”
And yet they didn’t think it was necessary to check up on me until now…
“Yeah, but I don’t walk around at night and I always have pepper spray on me.”
“You know you wouldn’t need that pepper spray back home…” my mother mumbled.
You’re right, ‘cause I’d hurl myself off a bridge from sheer boredom before I ever got the chance to use it.
“How are things at the shop, Dad?” I asked, ignoring my mom’s little dig.
“Oh, same as always. Slow, but steady.”
“Slow but steady” could have been the motto of my entire hometown. Seriously.
“Well we just wanted to check up on you. I know you’re busy with all of those New York dreams of yours… will you be making it home anytime soon? Maybe for your dad’s sixtieth next month?”
Guilt clawed its way up my vocal cords until I had to clear my throat just to be sure I could still talk.
“I’ll try. Really.”
I knew I was making false promises, but I couldn’t tell them the truth. I had so many people watching and waiting for me to fail. I’m sure every single person in my hometown had placed a bet on how long I’d manage to stay in New York before crawling my way back home. They’d all taken it as almost a personal insult that I’d wanted to leave and make something of my life. They’d sleep a little better at night knowing that I’d gone out to fulfill my dreams and landed face first in the dirt.
Why?
Because it meant that every time they got the urge to reach for more, to dream a little bit bigger, they could rest easy in their ranch-style house, with their .2 acres of land and their 2.5 children, knowing they’d made the right decision—the proper decision—while “that ol’ Josephine Keller wasted her youth on foolish dreams.”
I’d be damned if I let them see me fail.
“Listen Mom, I gotta go. I need to get to work. I’ll let you know if I’ll be able to come home next month.”
Before she could reply, I hung up and shoved my phone back into my purse. Fierce determination coursed through my veins. All memories of the boat ride were packed away and shoved below. For now, I needed to focus on myself.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Josephine
Open laptop, read emails, order breakfast, pour coffee, avoid eye contact, stay at least two feet away from Julian, and for god sake’s stop remembering what it felt like when he kissed you.
I’d been working at Julian’s hotel for fifteen minutes and my resolve was already slipping. I’d felt confident when I’d stood outside his door and knocked twice. My shoulders were pushed back and my head was held high. Then, Julian had opened the hotel room door and sucked the confidence right out of me with no effort at all. He was wearing a fitted navy suit, brown belt, and sleek brown shoes. The top button of his white shirt was undone and his midnight black hair was still slightly damp, like he’d just stepped out of the shower minutes earlier.
He’d ushered me inside and I’d mumbled a greeting, averting my eyes so that I could keep hold of what little resolve I had left.