Our skin brushes against one another’s as we make the transfer. It sends a rush of warmth down my spine that I can’t explain, but know I want to experience again.
I watch Lance take in Betsy from a few steps back. He looks so big holding the tiny little baby. She doesn’t even take up the distance from his hand to his elbow. He holds her like he’s done it a million times, like holding a baby is a routine thing he does every weekend. There’s no clumsiness, no protest from Betsy to give her back to someone who knows what they’re doing. She sleeps just as soundly in his arms as she did mine.
“You’re a cutie,” he tells her. “You look a lot like your Aunt Mariah and that’s totally a good thing.” He lifts his eyes to mine and then drags them to my sister. “She’s gorgeous. Congratulations.”
“Thanks. Um, she has so much hair,” Chrissy says, a nervous edge in her voice masked with an abundance of cheerfulness. “I hope it stays kind of curly like this.”
I’m not sure who she’s taking to so I don’t bother responding.
With a final look at the baby, Lance offers her back to me. “You want her?”
“Yes,” I say, feeling her nuzzle up to me. It’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. Her little eyes open slowly as she gets comfortable. “Hey, there,” I say, as she tries to focus on me. “How are you, sweet baby?”
Her lips twist in a cry that’s not really a cry.
“I think she’s hungry,” I say, turning to my sister. I hand her over, still unsure how to navigate this with Chrissy. I can tell she wants to talk, to pretend like we’re long lost friends, but we aren’t. We were never friends and I haven’t forgotten.
Once the baby is settled in Eric’s lap with a bottle, I exhale. “Congratulations,” I tell both of them. Or neither of them. I don’t know.
“Thank you,” Chrissy says. “I’m glad she got to meet you.”
“Me too,” I say, rocking back on my heels.
“I’d like to add to this little tribe,” Mom declares out of nowhere. “Do you think you and Mariah will be discussing children soon, Lance? I’d love her to finally settle down.”
“Really, Mom?” I ask, disdain thick in my voice. “Are you really going to do this today?”
“Do what, honey? I’m just asking about your plans. That’s all.”
Lance lays a hand on my arm. He looks at my mother. “Whoever Mariah chooses to be the father of her children will be a lucky man.”
“Are you saying you’re not up for the job?” She doesn’t even try to pretend she’s not putting him on the spot. “Is that what I’m hearing?”
“Mother,” I growl, glad I’m no longer holding Betsy. My fists are clenched at my sides as I watch her play one of her maddening games.
“I think you should let your daughter decide who she wants to procreate with and you should worry more about whatever is burning in the kitchen,” Lance shrugs.
As soon as he says it, I smell the odor of burnt toast. Mom must too because she gets to her feet and heads towards the kitchen.
“Babies come when the time is right, but I’m starting to wonder if she will ever find a man to settle down with,” Mom says dryly like she just commented on the color of the sky.
“That’s none of your business,” I sputter.
Lance smiles at my mom. “Maybe Mariah is pickier than most women. Maybe when she does settle down, it won’t end in divorce.”
With her eyes narrowed in our direction, Mom heads through a doorway to the right. The room heaves a collective sigh as soon as she’s out of sight.
“You have to cut her some slack,” Chrissy says. “She’s under a lot of stress right now.”
I must not have heard her correctly. “She’s under stress?”
“Yes. You know she doesn’t handle it well.”
“And how does that make up for the other years I’ve been alive?” I ask.
“It’s not you, Mariah,” she contends. “She just can’t deal normally like you or I can.”
“It is me and that’s fine. It can always be me,” I shrug. “I don’t care anymore. That’s where you both lose.”
There’s something freeing about putting that into the world. A weight is lifted off my shoulders as I watch Chrissy’s reaction to my words.
“Mariah …”
“No, Chrissy,” I say, shaking my head. “No.”
“I …” Chrissy looks at Betsy on Eric’s lap before looking back at me. “I’d like to talk to you alone one of these days. Do you think that’s possible?”
There’s no easy answer to this. I have so much to say to her and yet nothing at all. So many years’ worth of questions but none of the answers even matter anymore.
I look up at Lance and he smiles down at me.
“Maybe,” I say to Chrissy. “Let’s talk about it later.”
Chrissy agrees, forcing a smile. “Come on, Eric. Let’s check on Mom.”
Lance’s chin dips as soon as they disappear. “I’d like to talk to you alone one of these days. Do you think that’s possible?”
“You’re talking to me alone right now.”
“Talking was a euphemism.”
I giggle, twisting in his arms so I’m facing him. If there is one easy part of today, it’s being with him.
He looks at me with an incredulous, almost reverent glimmer in his eye and the entirety of it—that look, his gorgeous face, the way he stood up for me today and let me lean on him—is too much.
I’m sure I could’ve faced this on my own, but it was so much easier with him by my side.
Every brick I’ve stacked between us is starting to fall down. It’s getting harder and harder to remember why I shouldn’t want anything to do with Lance. It’s becoming impossible to tell myself to stay away from someone I’ve been attracted to for so long, especially now that he’s showing me so many sides of himself.
He rests his chin on the top of my head, lacing his fingers together at the small of my back. It feels good to be able to rest on him for a moment, feel the strength of his arms around me.
“What the fuck is wrong with your mom?” he asks.
“I warned you,” I giggle.
“You couldn’t have prepared me for that. Wow.”
“I’m never prepared, even though I know what’s coming.”
He kisses me just behind the ear. I’m running on adrenaline and his touches; his sweet little gestures are enough to make my head nearly explode.
“You’re driving me crazy,” I breathe, feeling my body go limp in his arms. “Seriously, Lance. I can’t take it.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Be a dick,” I laugh. “Stop being sweet and kind and touching me …”
He rolls his hips ever-so-slightly against me. “Do you feel how hard I am for you?”
“I think you’re always hard.”
“This isn’t for some app girl or another version of you. I’m so fucking hard for you, Mariah Malarkey, that I can’t stand it. But I will stand it because you hold all the cards. Why I’m okay with that, I have no fucking clue and it might be my undoing,” he chuckles.
Feeling more confident, more brazen than I’ve ever felt in my life, I turn and stand on my tiptoes. It’s my mouth on his ear, my breath hot against his skin. In a voice so low I can barely hear it myself, I whisper, “I’m so wet for you, Lance Gibson, I’m going to have to take my panties off.”
His jaw falls to the floor. I get a quick glance at it before I have to look away so he doesn’t see the pink in my cheeks.
“Come on. Let’s get lunch,” I call out, walking away as quickly as I can.
Eighteen
Lance
“He’s a monster,” I add, not sure what more to say. Eric has been attempting to make small talk the entire meal. Two things are clear: one, he’s no Einstein and two, his sense of humor is nil.
He continues on about the new fighter out of Crew Gentry’s gym in Boston like he knows something about fighting. His terminology is all wrong, explanations of fighting styles downright backward, and he fumbles through it with the confidence that only an idiot can have. It’s kind of impressive in a strange, uncomfortable way.
Keeping an eye on Mariah, I take off my glasses and clean them with a napkin. She’s said just enough during the meal to remain polite and sophisticated. Her back, though, is rigid. Her shoulders are as stiff as a board.
While I listen to Eric babble on, I rest my arm over the back of her chair. She leans toward it. I only notice because I’m paying attention.
My hand goes to the back of her neck, working the tense muscles back and forth. My touch alone causes her to relax some, but as I press back and forth, her entire body slackens.
She molds to my hand. She bends as I press on her delicate skin and she shifts in her seat. My fingertips stroke up her spine and draw back down. Listening to Eric’s stumbling story takes more effort than I care to spare.
“I hear what you’re saying,” I say in an attempt at getting him to shut up, “but Pike isn’t as strong on the ground. I know he’s with Gentry now and that was his specialty, but he doesn’t have the skills Crew had. Not yet, anyway. Watch his footwork while he’s standing and then watch him scramble when his back hits the mat. He wants to be upright.”
“I guess you’re right.”
No shit.
Betsy’s cries can be heard softly from the living room. Chrissy shoves away from the table, but Taylor gets to her feet first. “Let me go, Chris. I can’t enough of those precious snuggles.”
Chrissy settles down across from Mariah once again. While she chitchats with Eric about Betsy’s feeding schedule, Mariah focuses her attention on me.
“You okay?” I ask.