He laughed without a trace of humor. “You got an awesome kid out of your fuck-up, and if I asked you on your worst day if you’d change one thing about how your cards fell you would always say no because a yes would mean you wouldn’t have Rocco. You ask me the same thing and I’d answer yes every single time. I would give anything to change that night and get my career back. There is no fallback or plan B. There’s nothing.” He stepped into me and his voice dropped.
“So you go ahead and be all superior and call me an idiot like I know you love to do, but you will never understand what it’s like to be me and lose the one dream you ever had. You’ve got Rocco, you’ve got your new house, you’ve got your perfect boyfriend, and you’ve even got the fuckwad California kid to fund your life. Wow, I feel so sorry for you!” He sneered and backed away, grabbing his bag again.
Then he turned and headed for the door. “Now, if it’s all right with you I think I’ll go get drunk with Brett. Because, unlike my sister who’s supposed to have my back, he has never failed me. Tell Rocco I’ll catch him tomorrow and tell Nate whatever the hell you want to.”
I hurried to catch up and stepped right in his way. “You don’t get to drop the mic and stomp out of here.” I poked him in the chest. “You talk about your dead dreams and, yeah, it sucks ass that you didn’t get to play pro ball, but you could do anything else in the world! You didn’t even bother to finish college. Mom and Dad were standing there, money in hand, offering to help you finish. You could have picked anything, but getting drunk with Brett was what you chose—it’s what you always choose!”
He tried to push me aside but I wasn’t done. “And as for my dreams? I never even had a chance to figure out what they were—I didn’t get the time to. I was going to get a four-year degree and a chance to figure out my future on my own time. Instead I’m stuck in a cubicle for the rest of my life doing a job Brett could probably do hungover.”
Gavin rounded on me and shoved his finger in my face. “You’re so full of shit. You curse me for taking advantage of Mom and Dad and then you tell me I should have taken their money for college? Which is it? And if you hate your job so damn much, why don’t you just quit?!” he hissed in my face and pushed me aside to reach the door.
“God, you’re such a child! You don’t get it at all!” I yelled at him.
He flipped me off, proving my point, and slammed the door behind him, making me feel so agitated that I wanted to scream and throw things. Why couldn’t he see that he had the world at his feet if he’d just open his eyes and consider the possibilities waiting out there for him? Son of a bitch!
I checked on Rocco to make sure we hadn’t woken him up, but thankfully he was fast asleep, upside down on his bed. I felt utterly crappy and there was no way I’d be able to sleep, so I called Fiona, praying that she was still up. I got her voicemail. Well, reality TV it was, then.
Nate: Did Gavin ever show up last night?
Laney: Yeah, and we got into it. I’m pretty sure we’ve disowned each other.
Nate: I’ve done that to Bailey numerous times but she’s still somehow hanging around.
Laney: I don’t think he’s coming to work today. I’ll explain everything later, but I’m really sorry he’s being such an ass.
Nate: Can’t wait to hear this one. Have a good day and I’ll call you later.
Laney: XOXO
Nate: You know I can’t bring myself to do that crap.
Laney: Oh, come on, just one lousy emoji or acronym and I’ll leave you alone …
Nothing. Damn.
I had just arrived at work and really should have been doing my job, but I had to catch up with Nate—and I still hadn’t heard from Fiona. I’d been so pissed off the night before that I’d tossed and turned and waited for Gavin to come home, but he never showed. Not a huge surprise. So, I was basically a zombie this morning, my Diet Coke doing nothing to revive me. I barely made it through the day, and I may have possibly nodded off on the toilet in the early afternoon. If the pins and needles in my butt-cheeks were any indication, I probably did. Is it bad form as an employee to bring a pillow into the bathroom?
I texted Fiona again and finally got a response. “ttyl sorry,” was all it said.
By the time I picked up Rocco and got home, I just wanted to pass out. Thank God it was the weekend. I followed Rocco in the door and was pleasantly surprised to find Nate standing in my kitchen making dinner. “Oh my God, I love you.”
Yes, that’s what I said. Shit fuck damn!
Being the wonderful man he is, after a silent beat he just turned around and smiled, flashing me the dimple.
“Can we please just pretend I didn’t say that and you come here and give me a kiss instead?” I pleaded.
That got a good laugh and the kiss wasn’t so bad either.
“Hey, dude,” Nate addressed Rocco after making my belly dip. “I’m making homemade pizza. You want to help?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” he shouted.
“Go wash your hands first,” I told my kid, “and keep your clothes on—naked people are not allowed to prepare dinner. It’s a health code violation!” He raced to the bathroom, probably ignoring what I said.
“Well,” my arms circled Nate’s waist and I rested my head on his firm chest. “You seem to be in a much better mood tonight.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Sorry about last night, but it’s all worked out … well, for the most part. We’ll talk about it once Rocco’s in bed.”
This was a revelation to me because I hadn’t seen nor heard from my pain-in-the-ass brother since he stormed out of here last night. I was dying of curiosity. But instead of pressing Nate for details, I joined in the pizza-making party and contributed to the total mess my kitchen became. It was pretty awesome.
I put Rocco in the tub after dinner and hoped the flour and sauce that coated his entire body would all wash off. Tonight’s song was about pooping in The Fart Fortress so I tried to stay out of the bathroom as much as possible. I have a dirty mind, don’t get me wrong, but Rocco’s is a totally different variety of dirty I can’t quite connect with.
To my shock and great pleasure, Rocco requested that Nate read him his story before bed. This had never happened before, and I could tell Nate was pretty touched, though he macho-manned his way past it like it was no big deal. Afterward, I gave Rocco a kiss and tucked him in, pleading with him to stay in his own bed.
“But I like yours.”
“I know, but you need to learn to stay in your own bed all night.”
“Why?”
Because I can’t sleep very well with your butt in my face.
Because I want to get laid by my boyfriend and you’re kind of cramping my style.
Because I love you but mommies need personal space.
But no, I went with, “Because I said so.” I had finally done it—I’d turned into my mother. Good God.
Unbelievably, he actually accepted my answer, but I was pretty sure it was just because he was so tired. I would never get that lucky again.
“So, tell me how this whole Gavin thing worked itself out. I didn’t sleep a wink last night I was so worked up. I’m glad it got sorted.”
Nate and I were on the couch, me with my glass of wine and a pillow snuggled in my lap, him leaning back with his legs resting on the coffee table and an IPA in hand.
“Well, I have to say I was pretty pissed last night and I wasn’t sure what to expect this morning. He didn’t show up—”
“What?!”
“Let me finish. He didn’t show up at first. Then around ten o’clock he came and found me. He looked like shit. Then he laid it all out for me like I assume he did to you last night, and we worked out a deal. His pay for yesterday is being docked and he’s on probation, but I’m letting him make up the couple hours he missed this morning.”
“So he’s not quitting,” I stated more than asked.
Nate looked uncomfortable.
“Now here’s the part you may not like. He’s not quitting … for now.” I started to react but he put a hand up to stop me. “Listen, Laney, I don’t want somebody working for me who doesn’t want the job. That’s how mistakes get made and people get careless. That can only result in shoddy work and injuries, neither of which I need. If he doesn’t want to work construction then he shouldn’t.”
“But he doesn’t want to do anything!” My anger from last night was resurfacing.
“You know that’s not true. He wants to play baseball.”
I almost choked. “But he can’t! A gazillion doctors and trainers have told him that. It’s over—no big leagues. He needs to get over it and grow up.” I set my wine on the coffee table so I wouldn’t spill it—or throw it.
Nate put a hand on my leg. “Look, I don’t know if he can or can’t play, but if he wants to try, that’s his business, not mine, and frankly, it’s not really yours either.”
“Excuse me?!” My blood pressure hit the ceiling and I threw the pillow down, knocking Nate’s hand aside in the process.
“I know you’ve been dealing with this situation for a lot longer than I’ve been in the picture, but I saw the look in his eyes when he was talking about playing. It’s his passion—his dream. I know what it’s like to be forced to do something other than what you love and it sucks.”
I couldn’t stay seated any longer. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Since when am I the only person on earth who is in touch with reality?”
“Cut the sarcasm, Laney. Usually I think it’s cute but right now is not the time.” Nate sat forward and set his beer down too.
“I’m sorry, I just don’t know how else to respond when I’m faced with not one but two delusional people who think you can just wish on a star and all your dreams come true—poof! That’s not how life works, and encouraging Gavin will just lead to heartbreak in the end.”