Chapter 4
Ethan
I needed to get away. Now.
I was sitting in another boring board meeting, pretending to listen to facts and figures, pretending to seem interested in their incessant ramblings.
I was still in shock that Jade had dumped me on my birthday. She was the first woman I’d ever felt close enough to propose to, and it took all of two years to get to that point.
I’d done all the things necessary for our relationship to end in marriage, all the things my father taught me. I took her on trips all around the world, bought her whatever her heart desired, and measured her against my “ideal woman” checklist again and again:
1. She must be sexually attractive, emotionally-baggage free, and physically fit. If she lacks any of these qualities, it’s an automatic NO and there’s no need to consider any other checklist items.
2. She must not play hard to get. If she rejects me more than once, it’s an automatic NO.
3. She must be interested in another genre of movies other than romantic comedies. If she suggests that we go see a romantic comedy within the first three dates, she’s a fairy tale chaser and can’t be trusted. Automatic NO.
4. She must suggest something other than dinner for the first few dates. If she only shows an interest in being wined and dined, she’s a freeloader and it’s an automatic NO.
5. She must be a great conversationalist and reader. If she hasn’t read a significant number of the American and British Classics—specifically Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck, and at least five Shakespearean works—it’s an automatic NO.
6. She must be willing to compromise on scheduled dates, trips, and future plans. She must also be considerate of my time, especially in the beginning of our courtship. For example, if she calls to cancel a date, and makes no immediate plans to reschedule it, she was never really worth my time and it’s an automatic NO.
7. She must be easy-going, non-confrontational, and allow me to set the pace of our relationship: fifteen introductory dates to gauge our conversation quality, seven trips to vacation spots to test our compatibility, and well, countless ways to make sure we’ll have a great sex life.
8. She must fit all of the above. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I felt my checklist was necessary since I was a low-profile billionaire: I never went to parties, social mixers, or golf tournaments with the city’s elite. I hated being inundated with media requests, loathed the nosiness of the paparazzi, and hardly posed for pictures when I was being profiled for a magazine. I usually emailed the writer the same six year old photo of me standing beside my motorcycle.
I preferred to simply write checks for whoever needed them and live my life in peace, even though it seemed like the high profile billionaires had all the fun.
I didn’t want to revert to my partying ways, but I couldn’t fathom diving into the dating pool again. It was bad enough that I always had to take precautions with women: performing several background checks, hiding my real occupation for the first few dates, and having Barry secretly screen their credit histories and financial accounts.
I knew I didn’t want to end up alone, but I couldn’t see myself spending another two years searching for someone compatible with my checklist.
Maybe I shouldn’t have come back to the company after all. Maybe I should have—
“Is that okay with you, Mr. Lockwood?” my trust advisor cut through my thoughts.
“What’s that?”
“The plan? What we just suggested? Are you okay with that?”
“Sure,” I shrugged. “I’m all for it.”
“Alright,” he closed his folder. “Meeting adjourned. I’ll have your flight set up by the end of the week and—”
“Whoa whoa whoa. My flight? To where?”
The board members burst into laughter and shuffled out of the room without glancing in my direction.
There was a knock at my door.
“Come in!”
“Good afternoon, Mr. Lockwood,” my executive assistant stepped inside.
“Afternoon, Farrah. Let’s get these updates over with.”
“Okay. Um…Well first, you were nominated for the sexiest CEO award and you placed first again. Will you actually be accepting the award this year?”
Do I ever?
“No. Did you get the transcript from this morning’s board meeting like I asked?”
“Yes sir…” she toyed with a strand of her hair and looked down at the floor.
“Can you summarize the notes so I can figure out what’s going on?”
“Yes sir. There seem to be some problems with one of the Southern expansion sites. Revenues at this location are decent but they’re the lowest out of all our expansion sites.”
“And?”
“It’s the test store for the new Southern menu items,” she was speaking much slower than normal. “If we’re trying to have them solidified by the end of November, we’ll need to have at least fifty thousand customers’ votes by then. We don’t even have a tenth of that.”
“What’s your point?”
“The board thought we should send someone down there to really investigate what’s going on, kind of like an ‘Undercover Boss’ type thing so—”
“Sounds great,” I started checking my email. “Tell the board to pick one of the high level interns and set up the flight arrangements by the end of the day. Then get me a strategy meeting with whoever they choose.”