Home > Sweet Little Thing (Sweet Thing #1.5)(12)

Sweet Little Thing (Sweet Thing #1.5)(12)
Author: Renee Carlino

“Did I ever,” Kyle said dreamily.

Josh elbowed him.

“Is that an Indian name?” I asked.

“Her real name is Brittney. She’s from Kentucky, total white girl, but man, she can shake it. You know what I mean?” He wiggled his Jack Nicholson eyebrows.

“Nice,” I said, smiling sarcastically.

“Kyle, when are you gonna go for it?”

“Go for what?” The question terrified him.

“What do you think?” Tyler said.

“I’m waiting for the right girl,” he replied in a squeaky voice before taking a large gulp of beer. He was tapping his fingers on the bar nervously.

“She’s cute.” I pointed to a small, unintimidating-looking woman standing a few feet away, trying to get the bartender’s attention. “Why don’t you go buy her a drink?”

“You should,” Josh blurted out. “I’ll help you.”

“No!” Tyler and I yelled in unison.

Josh didn’t listen and Kyle just sat there, eyes opened as wide as they could go. Josh stood up on his toes to see over the other patrons blocking his view of the tiny, short-haired blonde. “Hey, hottie!” he yelled.

“Oh, God.” I planted my face in my palms over the bar.

“Yeah, you, Tinker Bell. My buddy here wants to buy your sweet ass a drink.”

“Christ,” Tyler mumbled.

Kyle literally sank within himself on the stool. His expression was nothing short of horrified. The girl shook her head and moved farther down the bar, away from us.

“Way to go, dickwad.” I said to Josh.

“What? That chick was a bitch. I saved Kyle from some serious heartache.” He smacked Kyle on the back.

“Ouch. I don’t need your help, Josh. You f**king c**k block me every time we’re out. What is your problem?”

“Time for more shots!” Josh announced.

Several hours of irresponsible binge drinking went on before the shit hit the fan. Apparently while Tyler and I sat unaware, arguing over where to get the best pizza, Kyle and Josh were having a heart-to-heart. It started when Josh apologized for the scene earlier with Tinker Bell. The conversation went on and on, both of them professing their drunken love for each other while Tyler and I continued an old argument about the difference between yams and sweet potatoes—that’s the kind of profound shit Tyler and I talked about. We were startled back to reality when we heard Josh shout, “What the f**k?”

“She came on to me,” Kyle said with his hands up defensively.

Josh went toward him in what appeared to be the universal gesture for I am going to kill you by strangulation while yelling, “You didn’t have to f**k her.”

“Oh, shit, you f**ked the belly dancer?” Tyler said to Kyle.

At the same time, Josh blurted out “Brittney” while Kyle yelled “Saphir.”

The men immediately started rolling around on the ground, trying to kill each other while Tyler tried to break it up. As hard as it was, I managed to ignore all the commotion.

I yelled to the bartender, who was looking on in disbelief. I shrugged. “It’s my bachelor party.”

He nodded. “Right on. Congrats, man. Are those your friends?”

“No!” I yelled back. I paid for all the drinks, another downside to hanging out with idiots, and then I walked outside and gave a homeless guy four dollars for one cigarette.

Tyler followed shortly after. “That was crazy.”

“Are they still fighting in there?” I said, blowing a lungful of smoke into the air.

“No, Kyle escaped out the back door while Josh was puking behind the bar. He’ll be kicked out for sure. It’s only a matter of seconds.”

Sure enough, ten seconds later, two burly bouncers came out, dragging Josh between them.

“We’ll take it from here, boys,” I said before turning and flagging down a cab. “I’ll walk home. Do you want to get Josh to his place?”

“Will, this is your bachelor party—we’ve only been to one bar. We have a couple more stops on the agenda.”

“Dude, I’m done. I’m over it.”

Josh stood between us, swaying. “That bitch cheated on me,” he slurred. “Stupid whore. Im’a kill her… and him.”

“Whoa, Josh, settle down,” Tyler said. “We’re gonna get you home.” Tyler turned his attention toward me. “Will, you have to come with me. What if he passes out?”

“You’re f**king huge; you’ll manage.”

“I can’t lift three hundred pounds of dead weight.”

“Take me to find Brittney. Please, guys.”

“No, we’re taking you home.” I barked, “You can cry all you want, but no one is going to die over a skanky belly dancer.”

“Why you callin’ her a skank, man?” he said and then began weeping like a baby.

We managed to shove Josh into the back of a cab. Tyler got in after him, and I slipped into the front seat. Josh mumbled his address and then farted and burped at the same time. I spent the rest of the drive to Josh’s house with my head out the window.

Unbelievably, when we reached his apartment, he was able to fully navigate his rotund body up the narrow staircase to his door. After we made sure he was safely inside, we went out to the cab and got in the back.

“Seriously, Tyler, I think I’m done.”

“I have a surprise for you.” He whispered something to the cabbie. The man nodded.

   
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