“I have something important to tell you, something I struggled with. You must always remember Noah’s mother’s death wasn’t your fault. He’ll need sympathy and reassurance but don’t let a cloud of guilt cause you to make bad decisions. Don’t overindulge or let him get away with being naughty just because you feel bad for him. That won’t help him. And my best advice—tell him you love him often but also tell him how much you want him. You miss his mom, too, but what a gift she gave you.”
“Yes,” Hannah said. “The first week I lived with this gift, that first terror-stricken week, all I could think about was how impossible it would be. By the end of that first week, after cuddling him at night a few times, after watching him soldier on despite how much it hurt, I knew I couldn’t live without him. How does a person fall in love with a child that fast? A child not even my own?”
“Doesn’t take long for that child to become yours, does it? Takes about twenty-four hours and you need that child as much as he needs you.”
“I didn’t realize...”
“Sadly, that’s not always the case. Some people don’t bond with their children, even the children that came out of their own bodies. I count myself so lucky in that regard. It was very hard at times but I was so lucky to fall in love with the child I would raise.”
Hannah remembered. She always felt her mother didn’t love her. There was a coolness about her when she dealt with Hannah. She always felt it was because she was adopted and didn’t look like her sisters. Hannah grew up being the least loved in the household, the only one with a different last name. She was resented and she knew it; she’d always known it. She had felt it long before she could put a definition to it.
It was not going to be like that for Noah. She would be his champion. No matter what it took.
“How did you manage a full-time job?”
“So much juggling. I was close with my neighbor who was a stay-at-home mom. On those occasions Leigh had to stay home with a cold or flu, my neighbor would look after her. Sometimes Leigh came to my classroom in the late afternoon. Oh, hell, she went everywhere with me. When she was a little older, she could go to a friend’s house after school. There was a lot of trial and error the first couple of years while we were figuring things out. Keep an open mind, Hannah. New ideas will present themselves.”
“I bet you were wonderful fun to grow up with,” Hannah said.
“On some days,” Helen said. “Are you doing all right, girl? You look like you’re happy.”
“I dread going back to the real world. But that’s where my network is. This has been like a fantasy.”
“Let’s walk over to the store and let Sully feed us.” Helen hooked her arm through Hannah’s. “A lot of us live here full-time, you know. And it might seem like a fantasy but I guarantee you it’s real life. It’s also real nice. I even made it through winter and I hate winter.”
“What’s winter like here?”
“Not too bad,” she said. “Don’t tell Sully I said that. It will take all the starch out of my complaining.”
“He dotes on you,” Hannah said.
“Oh, yes. And all winter he dotes more, bringing in firewood and making soups. He only knows four soups, by the way. And they’re a lot alike. This next winter we’re going to find some new recipes so I don’t go bat shit crazy.”
When they got to the store’s porch, Sully and Noah were sitting at a table playing checkers. And it looked like Noah was winning.
* * *
Owen was all too aware that he was counting the days. Counting down, actually. At first he was thinking they had ten days left and that seemed like plenty. Then it was seven. Then it was five.
From the first moment he saw Hannah, he was smitten and the more time he spent with her, the more he was intrigued. Her skin bronzed up at once, glowing in the warm Colorado sunshine. She had some freckles on her cheeks that made her look fresh-faced. She wore no makeup and pulled her hair back in a simple ponytail, and when she let it loose, it fell below her shoulders. She was beautiful, long-legged and athletic. Her smile was contagious, her laugh loud and unrestrained.
Every day they swam, hiked, took pictures, looked at the pictures they’d taken. Hannah and Noah read together every afternoon, often in the hammock. They all went to the market together and got ice cream. They had breakfast, lunch and dinner together. Then he would sit on the porch with Hannah after Noah went to bed. He wasn’t sure what part of each day and night he loved the most.
Sheila called him late one night just as he was getting ready to turn in. “How was Taiwan, Owen?”
“Oh, Sheila, I guess I should have called you. I never thought... My trip was canceled. Severe flooding. At first they wanted to delay it five days, but I couldn’t see making the effort then.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” she said. “Did it cost you a fortune?”
“Nah, I’ve learned to always insure the trips. The places I like to go are sometimes isolated and inhospitable.”
“What’s your next trip, then?” she asked.
“This is the best. Hang Son Doong, the largest underground cave in the world. Vietnam. I’m going on an expedition. I’ll be gone two weeks, about one week in the cave. Look it up sometime—it’s amazing.”
“Didn’t you have someone renting the house?”
“I didn’t cancel them,” he said. “I’ve been staying in the barn. And I’m glad I didn’t cancel—they needed this place. It’s a young woman and her boy. They’re in a challenging place—his mother was her best friend and she passed away suddenly. They’ve known each other, the boy and Hannah, but he’s only five and on top of that he has a mild case of CP affecting both legs. Smart as a whip, this kid. Romeo has been helping him adjust to what will be a new life.”
“And are you helping them adjust, Owen?” she asked.
“He’s a brilliant, hilarious kid,” Owen said. “Kind of reminds me of someone. You know?”
“We’ll always miss him,” she said. “That’s something we’ll live with forever.”
He laughed, though not with humor. “You do it so much more gracefully than I do. I buried myself inside myself.”
“I don’t know that I’d consider my coping graceful. I became a roaring dragon. As for you, it sounds like at the moment you’re not buried,” she pointed out. “Rather, you seem to be surfacing a bit.”
“Noah probably brings that out,” he said. “He’s so alive. So funny and engaging. Despite his vulnerability, his neediness, he might be the strongest one of us on the property.”
“I’d say we’ve come a long way, both of us. And what’s she like, Owen?” Sheila asked.
“When we first met, she’d only had Noah for a few weeks and she was still on shaky ground, trying to figure out how to be a mother. She’s a single woman and though she’d promised her friend, this was the last thing she expected. This little retreat has been good for them. I can see the difference in her confidence already.”
“How much longer will they stay?”
“Five more days,” he said. He wondered if his voice lowered in some despair. “She lives in Minneapolis.”
Sheila was quiet for a moment. “Maybe they’ll decide to stay a little longer. Since it’s working out to be good for both of them.”
“I don’t know,” he said. “She keeps talking about all the details she has to get in order so she and Noah can get back to school and work and, you know, real life.”
Sheila laughed. “Sometimes real life is way overrated.”
And sometimes real life is what and where you make it, he thought. “How are Lucas and your girls?”
“Lucas works too hard on the foundation, but he’s getting so much accomplished. And the girls are busy and happy. We should book some time at your cabin and come for a visit. Soon.”
“Sheila,” he said with a laugh. “What kind of woman visits her ex-husband? With her new husband?”
“It takes a special ex-husband,” she said. “Listen, this woman and her boy—”
“Hannah,” he said. “Hannah and Noah.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t let them get away. Life’s short.”
“I know. Listen, I was just getting into bed but I’m glad we got to talk.”
“Ah. That’s Owen telling Sheila to mind her own business.”
“Not at all. Say hello to Lucas for me. Tell him to slow down—the work will never go away.”
“Speaking of work, are you getting any good pictures lately?”
“Fantastic pictures,” he said. “I’ll email you some. No, wait—I’ll email you some after the cave.”
“Sounds great, Owen. Take care of yourself.”
“Absolutely.”
He had been getting some great pictures. Noah swimming beside Romeo. Hannah in the hammock with a book, one leg out to push her into a slight sway. Hannah with some hair blowing across her face. Hannah and Noah with ice-cream cones, laughing, ice cream on their noses. A selfie with Hannah and Noah. Noah pitching the ball to Romeo. Noah sleeping against Romeo’s belly.
He could tell Hannah didn’t know how beautiful she was. Her brown hair was so thick and soft it begged for a man’s touch. Her eyes were dark with small flecks of gold. She wasn’t very tall next to him; he towered over her. She was always concerned about other people—him, Noah, her friends back home, literally everyone she was in contact with. She was thoughtful and kind. And her humor snapped like a whip. She was so tender with Noah. He knew in one day Noah was in good hands with her.
Maybe you shouldn’t let them get away.
I love the man that can smile in trouble,
that can gather strength from distress,
and grow brave by reflection.