I had thought about her all night, wondering what it was about her that had gotten under my skin so deeply, so quickly. Maybe I was trying to figure it out so I could dismiss the feeling of loss that I couldn't shake. In the end, I decided that there wasn't an answer. It was just because she was her, and it was really just as simple as that. It didn't matter anyway, but my brain kept turning it over until I thought I'd go crazy.
I knocked on the door of the suite number Courtney had texted me that morning, and was let in by a cameraman I had worked with before. "Hey Joe," I greeted him.
"Hey Carson, how's it going?" He shook my hand.
"Is makeup set up in there?" I asked, indicating a closed door leading to what I assumed was the bedroom and bathroom.
"Yeah. They're waiting for you."
"Okay," I said and headed in. When I opened the door, I was greeted by Courtney who mouthed 'hi' to me as she put her hand over the cell phone she was talking into.
"Hi, Carson!" I heard a high-pitched voice say. "I'm Bambi." A na**d blonde with large, obviously fake br**sts said from a makeup chair over by the window. A woman with a small makeup brush was applying something to Bambi's ni**les.
I smiled tightly. I was so not into this. Just get through it and get paid, I reminded myself. "Hey, Bambi, nice to meet you," I said, walking over and shaking her hand.
She giggled. "Is that the best you got for me honey?" she asked, standing and swatting the makeup person aside as she leaned in to kiss me softly on the lips, running her tongue over my bottom one before leaning back on a smile I'm sure she thought was seductive. Why she was bothering, I wasn't sure. I thought it was pretty obvious that I was a sure thing here, whether I wanted to be or not. Fuck. Why was I suddenly feeling ill?
I smiled at her again and asked, "This your first shoot?"
"Yes, and I specifically asked for you for my first time," she batted her eyelashes. "I've had a crush on you since I saw your picture on Courtney's website. This is gonna be fun!"
Interesting. I backed away. "Well, I gotta shower, but I'll be out in a few," I said, turning.
"I'll be ready for you!" she called after me.
I went into the bathroom and took a quick shower, and then asked the makeup people if they could pull the chair into the bathroom. I wasn't in the mood to chat with Bambi, or anyone for that matter. I needed some time to get my head in the game here, so to speak. Or at the very least, my body.
Unlike the longer-length films I had done, this was just a one-day shoot so at least it'd be over after today.
Thankfully makeup wasn't a big production on a shoot like this one, especially for me. Anything applied would just rub off so not much was used. Courtney came in and kissed my cheek. "Hey babe," she said. "You look tired." She looked at the girl touching me up. "Put some concealer under his eyes Marcia."
"I'm fine, Courtney. Dim the lights."
"Even dim lights won't hide those bags, love. What'd you do? Stay up all night partying?"
I snorted. "I wish."
Marcia rubbed something under my eyes and blotted it and then signaled that she was done.
Courtney looked down at my boxers. "Need some time alone, hon?"
"Yeah," I answered already wondering if I'd be able to get it up at all.
"Okay, the shoot calls for Bambi to touch herself for a few minutes on the bed and then you come join her, ready to start the party, got it? You'll move out on to the balcony after a few minutes and continue there."
"Yeah. Okay."
"Good." She looked at me for a couple beats, but then cleared out and closed the door behind her.
I stood there still for a couple minutes as I heard the music start in the bedroom beyond. I dropped my boxers and leaned back on the sink and tried to get in the mood. It wasn't working. I thought about all the sex I'd had this weekend with Grace. Maybe I had overdone it. Grace. I felt a twitch and as I pictured her bent over the bed in heels and a thong, begging for me to take her, I hardened fully. I pictured all of the ways I had taken her over the weekend and after a couple minutes, I was painfully hard.
There was a soft knock on the door indicating they were ready for me. I walked out and watched for a minute as Bambi writhed on the bed, moaning in an over-the-top way, her hand between her legs. I almost lost my erection. I closed my eyes and pictured Grace again and moved toward the bed. I joined Bambi and as I sat down beside her, she sat up slightly and started kissing me, thrusting her tongue in my mouth and moaning loudly. I almost grimaced. She didn't taste like sunshine and sweetness. I opened my eyes and looked down her body. Her skin wasn't pale and creamy, it was dark and overly tanned. I shut my eyes quickly and tried to bring Grace to mind. I had to keep her face and body in my brain if I was going to do this. I reached up to touch her hair and it wasn't heavy silk in my hand, it was dry and crispy with hairspray. We continued kissing and she brought her hand up to my cheek, the one that she had used to touch herself. I smelled her essence on her hand and that was it. I broke away from her and stood up. "Sorry," I muttered. "Not your fault but this isn't working for me."
"Cut!" I heard yelled.
I walked into the bathroom, retrieved my clothes and started pulling them on as Courtney's voice sounded at the door. "Carson, babe, if you need a little more time or maybe a blue pill I've got you covered."