“I’m glad to see you happy.”
Coming out of my head, I wrap my arms around my waist and hold my breath, watching him take a puff off his cigarette. I am happy. Happier than I’ve been in a very long time, and that scares me, because I don’t want my happiness to be wrapped up in Zach. I want it to be something separate, something I can take with me if there comes a time when we don’t work out. I should have done that with Max, but I didn’t. I put the responsibility of my happiness—our happiness—on his shoulders, and that wasn’t fair to him. In the end, it became too much for him to bear.
“You should really stop smoking,” I scold, and he laughs, blowing out a large cloud of smoke a second later.
“I know, but old habits die hard.” He smiles then tilts his head to the side. “Glad you came over.”
“Me too. I really like Joe. She’s perfect for you,” I say. His face softens and his eyes grow warm at the mention of his wife’s name.
“I didn’t do right by her when we started. I was with her while holding her at arm’s length, trying to keep myself safe, and I acted like a dick.”
“What changed?” I ask, turning to look into the house, where Zach and Joe plus all of the kids are sitting around the table where I left them talking so I could follow Paul out while he smoked.
“She told me she was pregnant with Denver and that she couldn’t be with me anymore. She told me she didn’t want to raise him with a man who was only around when it was convenient for him to be there, and then told me she was going to find a man who would love her the way she deserved to be loved. I knew then that she’d find that man in someone else. As pretty as she is and as sweet as she is, I knew it wouldn’t take her long to find someone to give her what she needed, but I knew I couldn’t let her go, so I got my shit together and fought for us.”
“Smart woman.”
“Strong, so damn strong… and stubborn.” He grins and his beard shifts. “Took all of her pregnancy for her to come around. It wasn’t until she was giving birth to Den that she told me she was willing to give us another chance. I don’t know what I would have done if she didn’t take me back.”
“You’re a good man. She would have come around eventually.”
“Sometimes, a woman is hurt so badly there is no repairin’ that damage. Lucky for me, I was able to fix the parts of her I broke.”
Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I know exactly what he’s saying, because even though Zach didn’t break me, there are parts of me still gaping wide open.
“You two will figure it out,” he says gently, and my head turns toward him. “I have faith that somehow we are led to the exact place in our lives that we are meant to be, and I have no doubt you and Zach are meant to be right here, so now it’s up to you two to figure out how to make it work.”
“I’m scared,” I admit. “I didn’t have the best marriage, and we’re not the same people we were years ago. We both have baggage.”
“You just have to figure out how to share the load with each other. There will be times when you need to carry it all around, and times when he does too. That’s the point of relationships. Give and take. Making sure the other person is content.”
“Joe sure has made you smart.” I smile, and he grins back then takes a long drag from his cigarette.
“Your granddad would be happy. He always wanted you two back together,” he says, surprising me.
“You know, he never talked about Zach or the kids with me.”
“I get why he didn’t, but that doesn’t change the fact he knew, like he knew your grandmother was the one for him, that Zach is the one for you.”
“He loved Grandma,” I point out quietly. He never had another relationship that I know of after she passed away. He never moved on after her death.
“Yep, and that man sitting at my table loves you too. Never doubt that.”
“I don’t—”
“Trust me on this.”
“He married Tina. He got her pregnant and married her.”
“He did. I’m not saying he didn’t mess up, but I know the man he was then, and I know the man he is now. He was doing right by her and those kids. I would have done the same thing.”
“I can’t talk about this,” I say, and he shakes his head then reaches over, taking my hand.
“You need to talk about it. That’s the thing that will end you two if you don’t, and you can’t let it. He’s a good man and a good father. He loves his kids down to his bones. You need to find a way to make peace with what took place after you left. I’m not saying you need to like it, but life happens, and it’s not always perfect. Sometimes, the road to happiness is full of trials and tribulations. You just have to figure out how to make it past the hard parts so you can find your piece of happiness.”
“Why her? Of all people, why her?” I ask the question I’ve asked myself time and time again.
“Don’t know. That’s something you’ll have to ask him.” He shrugs, letting my hand go, putting out his cigarette, only to take another out of the pack on the table and light it up. “What I do know is the light I see in his eyes is one I haven’t seen for a long time.”
“Like I said, we’re going slow.”
“And like I said, find a way to talk to him. Get the answers you need and make peace with them. You don’t have to like what he tells you, but you don’t want to look back ten, twenty years from now, wishing you would have taken the chance on opening yourself up.”