“How did you mess up?”
“I kissed Austin,” I tell her, but still feel the slide of his tongue across my flesh, the way his hand wrapped around the side of my neck, anchoring me to him.
“You kissed Austin?” she hisses, stepping down onto the grass with me.
“It wasn’t exactly a kiss.” I shake my head. “It was a wisp, but I leaned in and…oh, God.” I cover my face then look at her through my fingers. “He pushed me away and stormed off.”
“Oh, shit,” she whispers.
“I don’t even know why I did it.”
“It’s okay.” She takes my hands, pulling them away from my face.
“It’s not,” I whimper. “You didn’t see the look on his face when he realized what we were doing.”
“Lea, it’s okay. Your emotions are high right now, and I’m sure Austin understands that.”
She may be right, but there is no way I would ever be able to face him again, not after that. I know I’m a mess, but I really thought we were working towards something. I should have known from the emotions I would catch in his eyes that he wasn’t feeling the same way.
“You’re right,” I lie, wiping under my eyes. “I just hate the idea of losing any of you.”
“You’re not losing anyone, Lea, not anymore,” she says firmly.
I go to her and wrap my arms around her, being careful of her belly, then whisper, “Thank you,” into her ear before pulling away.
“This is what friends are for.” She smiles then takes my hand. “Now, let’s go back inside.” I nod and follow her into the house, where I spend the next two hours listening to people talk about my mom. I smile when I’m supposed to, and offer hugs when they are needed, but for the most part, I stand there surrounded by people, feeling completely alone.
Chapter 8
Austin
I shoot back a shot of whiskey, letting the burn chase away the taste of Lea that lingers on my tongue. I shouldn’t have fucking kissed her. I should have resisted the urge, but her smell, her soft body, and the way she was looking at me pushed me forward. The way she looked at me like I was returning something to her that she lost fucked with my head.
I loved that look. I loved looking into her eyes and seeing a light in them that was only mine, a look she gave me every time our eyes met, a look that made me want to go to her, sweep her up into my arms, and tell her everything would be okay. And it would be. I would see to it, but I need to know she is in this for the long haul, that her mother’s death isn’t what pushed her towards me, but that she came willingly on her own, because this is where she wants to be.
“Thought you wanted her back, man?” Ben asks, stepping onto my boat. I knew it wouldn’t be long before he showed up, since I knew Rhonda saw me leave.
“Not like that, bro.” I take another shot. “Not when I can still see the pain in her eyes from losing her mother.”
“You fucked up. She needs you right now, and the way you left…” He shakes his head. “She’s fighting. I see it, but I also watched her disappear in a roomful of people. She’s lost, man.”
“I can’t fix her,” I remind him. “As much as I want to, I can’t. I can help; I can be there for her, but I can’t fix her, brother, because the first time something happens, she’s gonna take off, and that’s not acceptable. Not this time, not when the love I felt for her then is nothing compared to what I feel now. So don’t think I don’t want her, that I don’t want back what was stolen from us, because I do.
“I wanted her fifteen years ago, and I still fucking want her now. There isn’t a single part of me that doesn’t know she’s my future, but we have a lot of shit to deal with before we even think about heading down that path, because once we start, there will be no turning back. I need Lea strong enough to fight for us, and there is no way she is going to be able to do that while grieving over the loss of her mother.”
“I don’t know about that.” He takes a seat on the side of the boat and runs his hand over his head.
“So your saying you didn’t wait until Rhonda’s mess with her ex was over before you started perusing her?” I ask, already knowing the answer. Ben wanted her the moment he laid eyes on her, but he knew there was no way he was getting in there when she was still fucked up over her ex. And I don’t mean fucked up by still in love with him, I mean fucked up like he fucked with her head, verbally abused her until her self-esteem was almost nonexistent.
“Okay, you’re right about that,” he says, then his phone in his pocket starts to ring and when he pulls it out, his brows draw together. “Hey, babe,” he says¸ and I watch his eyes snap up to meet mine then he shakes his head, running his fingers through his hair. “Fuck, what time did he get there?” He sighs, looks at me again, and stands. “We’re on our way now.”
“What’s up?” I ask, following him off the boat.
“You’re not going to believe who just showed up at Lea’s mom’s house,” he growls.
“Rhonda’s ex?” I ask, thinking we somehow summoned the piece of shit.
“No. Lea’s.”
“Seriously?” Now it’s my turn to growl. “What the fuck is he doing there?”
“Don’t know. Rhonda just said he knocked on the door. She knew who he was right away, because Josie had spoken about him and showed her pictures of them.” He stops, looks over his shoulder at me, and smirks. “Good thing you took a couple of shots; that should help keep your head on straight when we get there.”