“Yeah it does, and it pisses me off you don’t think it matters. It fucking matters. You matter.” My eyes water at his words, because I know how much I do matter to Ren. He makes me feel like I’m his whole world, and if something hurts me I know it will hurt him. I need to heal from my past so we can move on together.
“That fucker made you feel like you don’t. Made you carry guilt about your own mother dying. So much so you don’t think you matter or that you’re worth fighting for. He did that to you so that when he’d lash out at you, you wouldn’t fight back.”
A tear slides down my face. “She was coming to pick me up from school. I stayed late to work on a project in the library and she didn’t want me walking. If I’d left sooner before it got dark, my mom would have never been driving. She…” I can’t even finish the sentence.
“No, Lily.” Ren grabs me, pulling me into his embrace and wrapping his arms around me as I start to sob. “Your mom was being a mom by not letting her little girl walk alone in the dark. You can’t predict those things. One small mistake and something bad happened. That’s life, and that’s not your fault. I bet your mom would have told you the same thing. Your father should have told you the same thing.” He growls out the last part. He always growls when my dad comes up. Luckily he doesn’t come up much. I haven’t heard a thing about any of it since that day.
“I know, I know. I can’t help, but what if? I can’t help but think that day I lost both my parents.” The what ifs used to weigh down on me, but lately they’ve been letting up. I’ve been slowly healing. Ren and his family have been helping that process and making me feel whole.
I feel his lips on the top of my head. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you how much you matter,” Ren vows, and I know with every part of me he will.
26
Ren
A few months later…
I pick Lily up and hold her in my arms as my parents laugh and snap the pictures. We’re both dressed in caps and gowns, having completed our high school graduation.
“Okay, everybody say ‘gopher,’” my mom says, and Lily and I repeat it.
We’re both headed to the University of Minnesota, home of the Golden Gopher. I’ve had my full ride ready and waiting and we finally heard back about Lily a few weeks ago. She’s been accepted into their art program, and she couldn’t be more excited. Her scholarships were enough to cover her tuition, and she accepted a work program in the department that will cover the cost of everything else.
Lily and I plan on getting married next month so we can live in the university’s family housing. The football scholarship I have makes exceptions for married players, and I intend to be one before I step foot on campus. I’m also ready to have Lily take my last name. She’s been a part of this family for some time now, and I want that in writing.
I proposed to her a few weeks ago, unable to stand it anymore. It wasn’t the big production she deserved, but Lily didn’t seem to mind. I kept wanting to make it perfect, but I couldn’t think of a special way to do it. So one night, while she slept in my arms, I put the ring on her finger. When she woke up she noticed it, and I shrugged. I told her I loved her and we were getting married in July. She shook her head and laughed at me. Then we made love. It was perfect in my book.
We pose for a few more pictures before my mom is satisfied she has enough. “Okay, I think seven hundred might be good.”
I want to roll my eyes, but I can’t deny her making a fuss over Lily. I’d never take that away from her. I can’t imagine what the wedding day will be like. My mom has been in overdrive helping Lily plan our big day. I don’t care what we do as long as Lily is happy. She can’t seem to stop smiling, and that’s the most important thing.
“All right guys, go home and get changed. The reservation to the steak house is in about an hour. We’ve got to run by the store, but we’ll meet you there,” my dad says, patting me on the back and giving Lily a hug. He and my mom leave, and Lily and I make our way to the Jeep.
I walk her to the side and open it up, helping her in. “So, we’ve got a whole hour,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows at me.
“You know better than to give me that look,” I say, leaning in and buckling her up.
She wiggles against me, and I pause, looking up into her big beautiful doe eyes. They’re so blue today that I stay there and get lost in them.
“You keep that up, Ren, and I’ll make you take me right here.” Her words are breathy, and I’d like to tell her no way would I get inside her with all these people around. But we both know she has a power over me that I can’t control.
“Home,” I say, my voice deep with need.
When we get to the house, I’m pulling Lily out as fast as I can and then racing up to the bedroom. Once we’re in there, I toss her on the bed, and then I’m on her. We’re both smiling and laughing as we throw off our robes and then the rest of our clothes.
I reach between us and feel exactly how wet and ready she is. I lick my fingers clean as I thrust fully into her in one long motion. She moans my name and arches her back off the bed as my mouth goes for her nipple. I start to rut harder and faster, needing to get her off as quick as I can. Sometimes it’s a challenge to see how fast I can do it, how many times I can make her cum, before she makes me go over.
I never knew sex could be like this. So powerful and amazing, but also fun. No one could have explained that being with Lily would be the greatest experience of my life, and that each time we joined it would be better than the last.