Sayer must have seen my panic and my fear because as she reached out to hand me a stack of paperwork she took a step closer and told me under her breath, “He’s a happy little boy, Zeb. He seems sweet and wasn’t at all curious or afraid when his current guardian dropped him off. He just wants to play. He’ll be happy to see you. It’s all an adventure to him.” I exhaled so hard I was surprised I didn’t blow her over.
“Thank you for that.”
She gave me a little wink and patted me where she was holding on to my arm. “In person the resemblance is even more obvious.” She pointed to her own cheek. “He even has your dimple.”
I felt my eyebrows shoot up. “How do you know I have a dimple?” I started growing the beard when I was in prison because getting razors behind bars was a hassle I didn’t want to mess with. When I got out, the thing was long and unruly, but trimmed up and maintained, it was pretty awesome, so I decided to keep it. As far as I knew, no one I hung out with now had ever seen me clean-shaven, including Sayer.
Her smile dipped a little bit and she pulled her hand off my arm as I scribbled my name and birth date across the pile of paperwork. She cleared her throat and looked away from me as she muttered, “In the mug shot in your file you don’t have a beard. I noticed the dimple when I was looking over everything before filing my motion with the court.”
My mug shot. Shit, she had seen my mug shot. It made my teeth clench together with an audible click. No wonder she had started to pull back from me. There was no getting around the fact I had served time for an unarguably violent act. With the evidence of that right in her face, why would she want to give me a shot at being something more to her? She came across as so cool with all the baggage I dragged around with me but how could she ignore the contents of it when they spilled right in front of her over and over again? They didn’t make a strong enough lock to keep the contents of my past secure.
“Are you ready to go back?” She handed the papers over to the woman she had introduced as Maria and I tilted my chin down in the semblance of a nod.
“As ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s do this.” I wish I felt as certain as I sounded.
“Okay. Follow me.”
We walked down a long hallway and then entered a room that looked like a preschool. There were a bunch of little tables, art supplies, and a padded rug on the floor with numbers and letters on it. In the middle of all of that there was a dark-haired little boy lying on his belly, kicking his tiny feet up in the air behind him as he made car noises while he pushed a big plastic dump truck in front of him.
Time stopped.
The world stopped.
I stopped.
Everything that had ever mattered to me, everything that had ever seemed important to me before this moment, before I laid eyes on this little person that was so very much a part of me, seemed wholly insignificant and unworthy. Green eyes that matched the ones that stared at me in the mirror every day flicked up to me and a toothy smile with a gap on the bottom flashed as the little boy climbed to his feet and raced over to where I was frozen to the spot as I watched him with my heart in my throat.
“Hi. I’m Hyde. Are you a giant? Are those Legos? I love Legos. Do you want to play with me?”
I stared down at a tiny carbon copy of my own face and told myself to get my act together. I was never going to get another chance to make another first impression on this little man that was suddenly everything to me.
I crouched down so that I wasn’t towering over him and held out the box. “Hi, Hyde. My name is Zeb. I’m not a giant, but I am pretty tall, so it can seem that way, and the Legos are for you. I would love to play with you.”
Green eyes blinked slowly now that I was at eye level and he tilted his head to one side while he considered me thoughtfully for a second.
“You knew my mom?” I heard the tremor in his voice and it nearly killed me.
“I did. I only met her once, but she was very nice. She was a good friend to me when I really needed her to be.”
He nodded solemnly and reached for the Legos I was still holding, which he promptly set down on the ground next to his sneakered feet once I handed them over. “She could be nice sometimes, but not always. Did you let someone draw on you?” He pointed a finger at my neck, where an old-timey pocket watch was inked onto the skin, and I turned my hands over so he could look at the swirling ink that covered the back of each. I stayed as still as could be as he reached out a finger to poke at the design.
“I did. These drawings don’t really wash off, though. I get to keep them forever.”
His lips twitched and that dimple we shared deepened in his cheek as he grinned. “Okay. Can I touch your face?”
I couldn’t stop the bark of laughter that snuck out. It looked like Joss was right about the beard. Kids did like it.
“Sure. My niece says it tickles when I kiss her.”
I heard a strangled choking sound behind me and cast a glance over my shoulder to see Sayer blushing furiously and coughing into her hand. Apparently Joss wasn’t the only one that thought it tickled during kisses. I was forced to turn my head back around when small hands grabbed both of my cheeks and ran down the sides of my beard.
I stared into the eyes that were so like mine and fought down the urge to pick the little boy up and never put him down. That dimpled grin flashed at me again. “I like it.” I heard a chorus of soft sighs behind me from the women in the room, but this time didn’t take my eyes off of the little boy.