It’s the honesty and sincerity in his words that undoes me. The tears spill down my cheeks. I am unable to contain them and I don’t care. I want him to see them, see how he affects me. My heart beats loudly, alive and happy and free.
“Don’t cry,” he says, coughing, his eyes wet. “Or you will make me cry. I should have to tell the doctor I am in pain if he asks.”
“These are good tears,” I tell him. “Felisa and Lorenzo, her man friend, are here, too. I sent them to their hotel for the night. She’s going to make sure you’re okay. I’m going to make sure the twins are okay.”
“You don’t have to do that,” he says adamantly. “The twins are with Signora DiFabbia. They are okay.”
“I know, Felisa spoke to them. They know what happened but they’re being well taken care of. Even so, that’s not her job. It’s my job. I’m going to Capri tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” he repeats. “You aren’t going home?”
I gently brush his hair off his face. “How could I go home when I never really wanted to in the first place? You are my home, Derio. And I will go back to Capri and take care of your brother and sister until you are well enough to return to me.”
“And then what?”
“And then we’ll figure it out. But we will do it together.”
He blinks at me, rubbing his dry lips together. “I don’t want you to leave me.” He holds my hand tighter.
“I don’t want to leave you either. But this, finally this, is the right thing to do.” I lean over and kiss him on his forehead, and through all the sterile smells of the hospital, I smell him. Lemons, musk, and his natural woodsy scent. It’s like Capri. It’s like home.
“I want you to know,” he says, his eyes drooping a little, “that I did not do anything reckless. I was very careful while racing. It just . . . happened.”
“I know,” I say. “They said the other racer took the corner too fast and crashed into you. Your extra gear is what saved you, and probably the fact that you weren’t racing erratically. I know you weren’t being reckless.”
He blinks slowly. “But now I don’t know what is best for me, for my future, for our future. Do I give it up again and risk it all?”
“I can’t answer that, Derio. This is your life. Things happen even when you plan well ahead, even when you take all the precautions. Life is dangerous, even without being on a motorbike. Follow your heart and I will support you, no matter what. Your dreams are no less important than anyone else’s.”
He closes his eyes. “Thank you.”
“I’m going to let you rest,” I tell him. “And I’ll be back tomorrow before I leave.”
“Don’t go,” he says as I pull away.
I give him a look. “You know I’m not going anywhere.” I’m about to leave when I remember something.
“Oh,” I say quickly, reaching into my purse and pulling out the cigarette I bummed. “I forgot, I got this for you.” I hand it to him. He takes it from me, examines it, and then snaps it in half between his fingers.
“No, thank you,” he says with a quiet smile. “I think I am going to quit. I hear they are bad for your health.”
“That doesn’t sound very Italian,” I tease him, though of course I’m relieved.
“No,” he admits. “But it does sound like a man who wants to live as long as he can, with the woman he loves by his side.”
We stare at each other for a moment, a current passing from my eyes to his and back again. It tells us everything else we can’t figure out how to say. Some feelings transcend any language.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
I’ve decided that October is my favorite month in Capri. It’s still sunny and warm but the tourists are mostly gone and the island hums like a true community. The locals are friendlier and the visitors are, too. You can look out at the sea and see that deep, never-ending blue instead of hundreds of boats jetting to and fro. Sometimes it rains, but that’s okay; I love the rain here. You can see it sweep in off the sea in sheets as it fills the air with the smells of hot stone and grass and lemon. The island seems to take a deep breath as the parched plants inhale the fresh rain, turning from brown to green.
I’ve been taking care of the twins on my own for three weeks now while Derio heals in the Naples hospital. There was a bit of a complication with his leg and then his shoulder, thanks to a previous dislocation (also due to racing, surprise, surprise), which was making him immobile for longer than they thought.
While he goes through his struggles on the mainland, I go through my struggles here. They’re not the same, of course. They aren’t even close. But just because I’m doing the right thing, doesn’t mean it’s easy. In fact, the right thing rarely is.
Annabella and Alfonso are forgiving and kind, though uncertain about me, about life, about everything. They worry for their brother and ask about him every day. They also seem to worry about me and think I’m going to leave them again. I keep promising them I won’t but I can see they don’t fully believe me. I don’t blame them. They came home from school one day and saw everything packed up and gone, just like the day Felisa had left. It took a few days after my return for Annabella to stop crying. She blamed herself so much that she started to sound a lot like me. I realized that we both needed to start letting go of the guilt and move on.