I hadn’t studied for Hale’s parties like he said I should because what was I supposed to study? He’d been vague and assumed I knew what he meant. I was aware I didn’t know my proper social graces, but how could a website help me? Was I supposed to sit manikins around a big table and pretend to entertain them?
I watched people from that world, or what I assumed were from that world, while touring around the city. They had a polished look about them. One you couldn’t miss when you stared. That was my course so far.
Hale would return in a week. Would Ezra return when he did? I hoped so and that made me pathetic. I couldn’t drive the man from my head. I was trying to stay focused on other things, but Ezra’s absence was driving me nuts.
Jamie had asked me about Hale and myself. I explained that he was my employer and I his employee. It was that and nothing more. But I hadn’t told her about Ezra. It was a secret and I didn’t know why, other than he worked with Hale. Deep down I was protecting Ezra. I knew that was important to the both of us because Hale had become unpredictable. I never knew what the man would do.
I tugged my reusable grocery bag up onto my shoulder. I turned the corner and headed for the penthouse. My thoughts were everywhere and with them worry. I’d lost interest in the world around me. The scenes I’d craved and adored. I then came back to the people in the streets, blocking my thoughts and concerns. There was a mother strolling with her baby. A man on his phone in a suit. An older woman pushed her walker down the street and then there was, what, there was Ezra? With a tall, leggy brunette. They were close and whispering as if they’d something important to discuss between themselves. It was intimate, well, I think so, intimate enough to cause anger.
I paused and put them in focus. Sure enough it was Ezra. I hadn’t dreamed him up because I was missing his company. That was Ezra, here in New York. With a woman I didn’t know.
If I were brave I would approach. Walk over to the couple and pretend as if seeing them was a nice surprise. Just so he’d know I saw him. He was here and close and the man had ignored me, after doing and saying what he did.
But I wasn’t brave or even stealthy. I wanted to sneak past them and get to the penthouse one block down from this street. After that I’d forget I saw him and eventually try to disremember I threw myself on his charm and good looks. Of course he had other women. He was beautiful, dangerous, and intriguing. I was silly to think I was special. Or that our kiss meant something to him.
I wondered if she’d been “the work” he rushed off to the other night. He was completely into me and then he wasn’t and… no, she could be his wife! My stomach knotted and I felt sick. Was he married? Oh God, what if he was married? That would make me an adulterer! Momma would be ashamed. Not as much as I was ashamed of myself.
I crossed the street and stepped into a bookstore. I could see them, but they couldn’t see me. I’d wait until they moved down the block before I left and returned to the penthouse. Facing him was impossible right now. He might be married or engaged. What if he was engaged? Was that as terrible as being married? Either way I’d become “the other.” The other woman in Ezra’s scheme.
Conquering the world single was sounding more and more appealing. Men couldn’t be trusted. They wanted women. Lots of women. One woman would never be enough. Women craved that sole connection. A man who would love them eternally. Right now it appeared that men wanted sex and the better the variety and distance between them the more sex they could have without caring. I knew my daddy was precious. I wish more males would behave like him. He was a decent caring individual. I’d set my goal too high.
I watched from the window as I pretended to look at a cookbook about barbecuing, which I’d never actually attempt. The woman was close to Ezra. Looking serious as she spoke and gestured. Like they were discussing something important. Her skirt couldn’t be any shorter. If she bent over you’d see her vagina and for crying out loud she was hot.
Although they weren’t embracing or showing affection, their bodies were close and familiar. There was something between them, I was sure about that, but just what it was seemed vague.
Finally she said something, squeezed his arm affectionately, before turning and strutting away, her stiletto heels clicking and tiny skirt grabbing, although he didn’t watch her go. That was surprising to me. She was shaking her ass for him to enjoy, but he threw his attention to the street, musing on some other thing.
Crap, he was headed toward the penthouse. I wasn’t going to be there waiting like a good little girl for his pawing. I knew better now. I was hardening.
Once he was out of sight I left the bookstore and reversed my trek, went back the way I had come. I knew a good food vendor three blocks away and I could take my food to the park and eat it while staking the penthouse. He’d give up and leave I bet. Why waste his time waiting on me when he had legs waiting on him.
I decided I hadn’t missed anything in life by not dating the guys in Moulton. Other than Ben there were no good guys. For all I knew Ben was the same. He could be out dilly-dallying other woman while Jamie threw up in a sink. The idea made me even angrier. If I found out he was I’d go to Moulton to stomp his butt.
Stupid, stupid men!
A whistle startled me and I turned to see a creeper checking my walk and ogling. He was working on a building in a hardhat. He winked and waggled his tongue. I then channeled my frustration, flipped my middle finger, and with a snarl I stalked off. This life was increasing my harshness. I didn’t care. I needed it to. Being naïve wasn’t healthy. It led to dumb decisions and heartache. I’d already had enough of both.