I should feel good about that. But I didn’t, I felt frustrated. With myself, because I’d drank too much. I wanted Ezra to do whatever he felt and I needed him to do it right now. Sammy Jo Knox was on the verge of begging. That’s how aroused I was. I just referred to myself in third person. I must be losing my mind.
“Go get that shower,” he said, nodding his head toward my room.
I didn’t want to shower, unless he went with me, but I turned and did as he said. If I stayed in the room where I could see him I would rip off my clothes and plead. In the morning I had a feeling that would be embarrassing, though right now it seemed like heaven.
The water helped clear my head, as well as make me sleepy. I considered turning on the cold, but then vetoed that stupid idea. Thoughts of kissing Ezra danced through my head and I spent some extra time cleaning areas I knew he would touch and kiss. I was so well scrubbed that I glowed.
I dried off with a wrap around towel. My cotton sleep shorts and white tee shirt felt nice against my skin. I saw no reason to get dressed if he would be leaving soon. My bed looked nice and snug. Ezra would be gone tomorrow, so the bed would have to wait.
When I walked into the kitchen he poured a cup of coffee and extended his arm to me. “This will help, though actually it won’t, drinking coffee drunk is a myth. Tap water and aspirin would be best. Coffee just seems more appropriate.”
I took it, thanked him and sipped it. The blend was sweet and creamy, the way I liked it… and how the hell had he known how I liked it?
“It’s perfect,” I told him. “Am I that easy to read?”
He shrugged as if it weren’t a big deal. “I’m just observant, though it’s becoming a rarity. Most people never look around them.”
Observant wasn’t the description I had in mind, but I had to let it go and do it quickly.
“How was your shower? Feeling sober?”
I wanted to inform him of what I’d been doing. Then I didn’t, but almost did. My God, it was like I was tracking him. Like hunting a wounded beast. “Nice. I’m better now.” And still willing to get naked if you wish.
He glanced at his phone and grimaced. “Before I leave there’s something I need to do. It’s another sleepless night for me.”
I didn’t want him to go, thought we had all night, but apparently that was ending.
“Oh,” I replied, wanting to beg, without managing to shame myself. My drunk must be wearing thin. I actually felt sense returning.
He took a step toward me, slid a finger under my chin and said “Sammy Jo, don’t look so sad. It makes it hard to go and I have to. Work is calling me in.”
I nodded and hoped he would kiss me. Give me something before walking away.
“I’ll be back sooner than I planned. I can now admit that. You have my number if you need to call.”
“Okay,” I replied, feeling the excitement that Ezra would be returning.
“Jesus,” he muttered, sliding his hand from my chin and into my hair. He then yanked me against his chest. We kissed, this time deeper, and maybe a little darker. Definitely, it was more intense. I did not want this to end. I did not want him to go. His job was important and ultimately I knew that his work had brought us together.
I soaked in his smell and the feel of his body. If he changed or I left and this didn’t proceed I was sure this moment would remain special throughout my life. Ezra was extraordinary. A weird mix of contradictions. He was intense and intriguing, yet there was vulnerability in his eyes that didn’t seem to fit. He was like a dog, a breed unto himself, who’d been hurt and couldn’t trust. He shied away when you got close, but you knew he could eat you alive.
The words he’d spoken about his past before being dead haunted me and wouldn’t relent. Did he truly mean them or were they meant to explain the severity of something he’d done?
He pulled away from me and shook his head. “You make it hard to leave.”
I started to say “then don’t.” He anticipated my response, then put a finger directly on my lips.
“I have to go.”
Again, I watched him leave. I wished I could join him to wherever he was going, but would I want to see what he did, once he reached his destination.
Chapter Fourteen
The week passed by really slow. I saw some more sights, called home and talked to momma and my siblings were chatty and full of questions. Even Henry asked when he could see me, and that made me cry for a while. I talked to Jamie about her pregnancy, which was making her really ill, though Ben was being great about it. From her stories about the vomiting I decided that a baby wasn’t for me until later. Much, much, much, much, much later. Momma had never complained carrying Henry. I wouldn’t have known if she was sick. She hid the sickness and never said a thing. Jamie was different, softer, not tough, and I was guessing that was generational. My mother was incredibly durable. But loving just the same.
I almost texted Ezra twice then stopped myself before I did. I wasn’t drunk anymore and remembered I was raised not to chase boys or men. If he wanted to talk to me he’d get in touch when he could and had the time. And I was wishing that time was now. I looked at my phone a million times a day to see if he’d texted or called. That was pathetic and I knew it. I did it anyway, because the man had pulled me in and I couldn’t quit thinking about him.
By the time day seven rolled around I was mad as hell at him. He’d not called or texted. It was as if last week hadn’t happened. I didn’t like games and this felt like a game and I wasn’t going to play. If he called I wasn’t answering. His window had passed and he’d failed.